Trans Widows Escape Committee 3: Rise of the Trans Widows

[TinselAngel]

Less than two years have passed since the first TWEC thread and now its time for a third.

This is a support area for women who are, or have been, in unhappy relationships with male partners who are transitioning, or exploring their "gender identity"

If you are in that position-

1. You are not alone
2. It is not a situation that you should be expected to tolerate, let alone celebrate.
3. There is always a way out, if you want it. The thread is called Escape Committee for that reason

Remember: women talking to each other is a powerful weapon!

Regulars- do post here to get the thread going.

Lurkers- now would be a great time to de-lurk.

www.channel4.com/programmes/trans-kids-its-time-to-talk

It's from this programme.

I usually find I get a feeling of bad vibes when I'm in the presence of someone who's managed to convey their basic operating principle is: "I'm happy to collaborate so long as you don't acknowledge that our mutual goal is warping away from yours and towards mine."

I get that vibe about every male spouse I've ever read about on this thread.

I wish Debbie's wife had got here first, so I could say what I'm really thinking.

(Thanks for the link, Tinsel; it's going to make me very very cross again, isn't it?)

I'm still psyching myself up for it.

Just a burst of insight into why it's so bloody obnoxious being asked to call them "she" though.

It's because we've developed an intuitive understanding that "sexual objectification" is wrong. And if you make a conscious choice to apply a particular sexed pronoun... A body is an object, a mind is a subject. Preferred pronouns are a demand to sex the object. It's sexual objectification on the most basic level. Of course it makes us feel wrong. It's a demand that we behave like they do!

Thanks, sorry to use 'she' about Debbie. Will try and remember.

Any further discussion on that would be better on one of the threads which deals with this issue specifically rather than on this support thread.

Advanced search is your friend. This is a support thread.

Sorry for plopping the DM column and running. I worried for ages whether I should have posted it so didn't want to look on here for a few days.

It was an awfully unbalanced response to the problem and I didn't want it to slip under the radar even though I knew it could be upsetting to read.

I will go back into lurk mode now.

I'm pleased you posted it jogger, reminds me what we're up against.

Total lack of self-awareness and inability to realise one is both a subject and an object.

Lacking theory of mind. Other people are like computer generated characters in a game while he is the only protagonist.

This is a support thread. It's not the place for accusations of unpleasantness towards its members. If you want to complain that the transwidows are being unpleasant, feel free to start a thread.

Hi Jogger, no, thank you for sharing the Mail column. It gives us a chance to put the other side of the story by responding. Better than letting it sit there unchallenged. I'm all for small victories, and showing people that situations of late transition are not just the brave and 'good' action of the transitioner, but devastate those around them and cause enormous damage. So don't feel bad .
Btw, I'm not sure why your argument's broken out, Tinsel and Interested..??

"I can understand how very hard it must be to accept that Dad has now become another ‘Mum’"

He hasn't though. If the child is finding that hard to accept it's because it's not true, and people of any age find it uncomfortable to be gaslighted.

I wonder how many of the letters in problem pages are real and not made up? I've always pretty much assumed none.

I've always figured the person answering them decides what they want to write about that week/month then writes a letter to suit. OTOH it would be just like an AGP bloke to see a female advice columnist as providing a perfect captive audience.

Maybe that AGP sees the women's section of the Daily Mail as another female space to appropriate.

Yes thanks for the link Jogger - there is a TW currently ranting on social media about the unfairness of not being selected over 4 real women at an all women parliamentary selection and no doubt will be writing to the press about it too.

You are right (whoever said it) - they are the central character and everyone else is a computer generated extra in their stunning and brave drama. Ex wives and children have to withdraw completely and go grey rock to avoid being dragged into it although they try to involve them by going to the press as we see here.

A friend who worked on magazines said they were mainly made up. I imagine the columnist may have wanted to honour the prevailing trend and grab some Brownie points.If it's true and 'Chris's wife lurks here, my very best wishes and I can empathize with needing to keep these men at lifelong arm's length. My kids feel exactly the same way... They are very clear that they were not under the malign influence of a vengeful ex-wife and are not waiting to 'free' themselves when they escape my dysfunctional grip!

they are the central character and everyone else is a computer generated extra in their stunning and brave drama

Yep.

Except they differentiate slightly more than that, and it's more of an MMORPG really, and the fact that they know the computer-generated person has a mind at the other end and the fact that they can't actually connect to that mind, that's what makes the abuse fun for them. Because the other mind is partially obscured.

Anyway. I hope the article's made up, but even if it is, the story's still being played out, over and over, in the real world. Just because that particular printed version isn't true, doesn't mean the story doesn't happen in the real world.

They think the real world is the PvP server, and they can't understand why anyone would prefer PvE, and then they end up setting up their own sex server where they get to choose whether your character is naked or not. Or their character. Etc etc.