Mumsnet FWR Guide to De-Programming Yourself From Self-Harming Kindness

[arranfan]

Vipers - start writing.

I'm more convinced than ever that we need A Mumsnet FWR Guide to De-Programming Yourself From Self-Harming Kindness

Helen Saxby says, Women are socialised to be kind so it makes it difficult for us when standing up for our rights is painted as being 'unkind'. We should just feel 'entitled' instead, like men do

I think it goes beyond that to the point where we self-harm or we're implicitly being coerced into causing harm to other women.

De-programming suggestions?

I’ve just been directed to this fascinating 2018 thread from an equally interesting one in 2024: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/5228413-the-womens-march-thats-all-about-the-men

Mumsnet FWR — always something more interesting to read than whatever else I’m doing!

It's interesting to see this thread surface again, for many reasons.

6 years on, I still think that there's a need for the guide in the OP.

I have also been reading this having followed the link. As a newish member of MN and FWR boards I find the older threads really useful and informative as well as the current ones. 😀

Helen Joyce uses the phrase "toxic empathy" which seems to fit the theme (about 15s in but the context might be useful).

I've come to terms with my Inner Beryl, precisely because she is my Inner Beryl, and has been there for so long that she's ingrained.

I have had serious talks with her about the difference between Berylness and being a doormat and that has improved things, but there have been occasions where Beryl and I have had a little debate about stepping in to make someone feel better, or just walking away, and we agreed that we'd feel so bad about leaving someone in an unhappy situation that we both said 'Fuck it, we're going to be nice and if anyone doesn't like that, well they can just fuck off!'

So my inner Beryl knows who she is and what she can and can't compromise on, and isn't afraid to let me know in no uncertain terms; and I mostly agree with her

Fascinating thread that has devolved into posts criticising the OP, feminism (interpreted as supporting lack of care for children and their welfare) etc. Remarkable insight into the "kindness" expected of women and the expectation that support humans should anticipate every contingency to spare others inconvenience or disappointment, even when these are of other people's making.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5252894-child-didnt-get-a-party-bag

Women are expected to be everything for everyone, from family and friends to random strangers. (not envy)