Child didn’t get a party bag

[JandamiHash]

Hosted my son’s 8th birthday on Sunday. I sent out invitations in December and made it clear when people had to get back to me (7th Jan). We hired a magician and included personalised party bags that the magician makes himself - they have each child’s name on the stuff inside and it also included a magic wand and some of the tricks he did on the day so the kids could try themselves at home. They were a quite expensive addition but I didn’t mind as I thought it was a nice touch. I also ordered Domino’s Pizza and just enough for the partygoers as again it can be very expensive.

One child whose parents didn’t RSVP turned up. The mum is a bit of an Amanda (as in from Motherland) and has form for being a bit of a PITA. I did say “Oh you didn’t RSVP, it’s absolutely fine to stay but sorry I don’t have a party bag for James, just to warn you.” She looked annoyed and just said “I did RSVP didn’t I?” And checked her phone before saying “Oh dear I forgot. What a shame he won’t have a party bag.”

She then told me James is now vegan like her (was previously vegetarian). I said “Oh sorry there are no vegan pizzas ordered”. Again she looked annoyed and said how it would be awful not to feed him, so I said it was fine I’d call dominoes now to add one onto the order. She shared it with him and took the leftovers home. I was pissed off, if that was me I’d have at least ordered one myself for my child, but this woman is deeply entitled and a massive CF. I would never leave a child without food though and feel like I did the right thing.

Anyway I’ve had a text today to say how upset James is that he didn’t get a party bag, apparently the other kids are all bragging about their magic tricks that they’ve learnt with the party bag stuff and he’s feeling left out (she is forever messaging the mum’s group moaning he’s left out and nobody is his friend and expects us all to prioritise this with our own kids) and that I should have had spares.

I haven’t replied but WIBU to tell her that she should have RSVPd and the only person answerable to her son is her and her DH for sloppy organisation, and that plenty of children in the class didn’t attend the party. Also that I made reasonable adjustments for the food at my own expense. DH thinks I should send my bank details and ask for the extra £10 the vegan pizza cost!

Poor James, I think it's quite obvious why he doesn't have any friends.

Definitely reply. And put a nice message on the mums group chat thanking everyone for attending and saying you hoped they enjoyed it. And tag her apologising again for the party bag not being supplied due to her “forgetting” to reply! 😆😆😆

Don't mention the pizza or the tenner, that's just petty and it's not the kid's fault she's making him go vegan. But YANBU to hold her to account for not RSVPing, perhaps comment that hopefully this will make her more careful with her admin in future so as not to upset him.

Yes defo reply and make it clear if she had replied you would have provided all of these things.

What an absolute CF!

I would absolutely message back and remind her she didn't RSVP, here are your bank details for the pizza, and next time she turns up without bothering to let you know, you'll turn them away and James will be a lot more disappointed than just not having a party bag!

These were personalised bags, for those that did RSVP.
I sympathise but unfortunately it’s one of those things, is she expecting another child to give up their bag for her son? Or you to purchase another? The party is over. It’s only a big deal for him because she’s making it a big deal. I feel for him. There’s nothing you can do now! I usually keep 3-4 extra incase there’s a sibling at home or SEN issues so no one is left out, but mine are hand made me - a tesco special lol!
I wouldn’t even reply to the mum.

The kid will be over it by the weekend.
The mum hopefully too.
Next time - don't do such fancy party bags.

Oooh this is far more tactful than my version 😂

Why should the OP not do such fancy party bags?

what a moronic statement

Definitely reply
”I’m sorry James is so disappointed bless him. Just remember his little face next time you get a party invite for him, so you’ll remember to RSVP. Parents can’t cater or provide for children they don’t think are coming”

Awww I'm sorry James is upset and making you feel guilty; don't be too hard on yourself though, we've all forgotten to reply to an RSVP before. The party bags were supplied by - xxxx - their contact details if you want to surprise him are.....

This. She is outrageous for not RSVPing and then complaining. 😡

However fyi it is always good practice to have a couple of spare party bags. Everyone I know who throws kids’ parties does this.

I absolutely wouldn’t reply, you’d only be feeding the madness of it by engaging with her now, you addressed it and handled it perfectly in the moment

It's her fault she didn't RSVP, a shame for her little one but as the bags were personalised and expensive not reasonably or feasible to have extras just in case. Maybe she'll learn from it!

@youngoldthing because to be brutally honest half the magic tricks will be lost/ broken or donated to the charity shop by the end of January.

I am sorry that due to you failing to RSVP there was neither a party bag nor food specifically tailored to James. As you will understand, these arrangements were made in advance of the party based on the information provided by parents who did respond.

Best wishes

I'd be really firm with her and tell her that you are not responsible for her child's disappointment and you're inclined not to extend further invitations because you won't be made yo feel you are.

Don't indulge her cheeky fuckery.

Factual and to the point.
Fuck Amanda

Obviously it her fault she should have rsvp and she didn't! It's what you call tough luck!

No need to shame her or get drawn into a fight, I would just reply saying “Yes, it’s a pity that the bags were prepared in advance. I would of course have ordered one for him if I’d known he was coming”. Then step away.

Quite so, what I'd really want to say was fuck off you entitled cowbag, but my previous version is polite, at least....ish

I'd be replying about the lack of RSVP.

How on earth did they take the rest of the pizza though? Did she take it off the table, wrap it in a serviette, bring a little container etc? CF.

Perfect response to a CF!
You were very kind to even supply pizza for them after not RSVPing. I wouldn’t ask for the money now, but you could have said at the time unfortunately it was too late to now amend the order, or that she’d have to order separately.

Gosh she is going to have a very entitled James if she's not careful but hopefully he will have a very grounded mentor he'll follow rather than his mum.
I wouldn't reply and simply ignore.
Well done on such a memorable party 🥳.
I imagine James already realises his mum is a plonker

What a cow.

I think I would would reply with something along the lines of X, you did not rsvp to the party unlike the other parents. Due to your failure to RSVP your son did not receive a party bag and hence why he is upset. It is not my responsibility to have extra bags for guests who's parent did not RSVP.