Wedding!! Sister being walked down aisle by brother

[hardie]

My DS is getting married on Saturday. Big church wedding, i am only bridesmaid, our DD is dead and DM alive and well. So It turns out DS wants one of our brothers to walk her up the aisle. This absolutely infuriates me, especially as I will be leading this procession and it goes against everything rational, feeds into male superiority and validates it. DS hates attention and feels like anything else will be different and have people talking (we are from a rural village and brother would be the usual way to manage aisle in weddings where dad dead..but it's still bloody 2018). She wants no one making a fuss or raising eyebrow. She is well aware of my views on this. So do I just suck it up (her choice etc..) or chat to her properly on this? DM would be happy to accompany her up aisle. I also really really don't want DS to feel even more self conscious here. Can someone help me articulate a few arguments in support of DM route - other than what I have noted above. Many thanks (first time posting but read these boards a lot)

Leave her alone. Run things the way you want in your own life, not other people's.

I can't see the issue, sorry. It sounds lovely idea.

It’s not your wedding
Find somewhere else to display your feminist credentials

You are being totally out of order. It’s your sisters wedding, not yours.

You say ‘I will be leading....’ you sound like a total control freak. Why does something that has nothing to do with you ‘absolutely infuriate me’.

My own father has passed away and I would do exactly the same thing.

Your sisters wedding. It’s not about you. You sound a nightmare.

I don't understand your problem with this. I think it will be lovely for her to be accompanied by her brother. I asked my eldest brother to walk me down the aisle, and he did the 'father of the bride' type speech at the reception. Sorry, you sound rather sour.

Respect her decision, chill out, enjoy the day.

You've got to pick your battles in life. Your sister's wedding day isn't really the time to make a political or ideological stance. Surely the most important thing is that her and her partner are happy?
Personally I say grit your teeth, smile, and go with what she wants.

It is her wedding. Butt out

"Do I just suck it up?"

There's nothing to suck us because it's absolutely nothing to do with you. Honestly the breath taking entitlement of you to think that you should have a say and create tension over this. Pipe down.

When my dddad died I had my 14 year old brother walk me up the aisle! it's her day don't risk arguing with her for something this insignificant.

That's nice for her. I think you need a cold drink or a lie down.

Keep your views to yourself as you already should have done. As others have said it is her wedding so stop causing problems.

Back off. It’s not your wedding and you have no business being ‘infuriated’ by any of the decisions your sister makes about her OWN wedding day.

Signed,

A fellow feminist.

"she is well aware of my views on this" - I bet she bloody is!
She's getting married in 4 days - she's made her decision - respect it.

Ugh leave her alone. It's got nothing to do with you.

Also DS means son and DD is daughter so your post is hard to follow.

I have some sympathy with why you don't like it, but other people's weddings aren't the time to make an ideological stand. It's completely up to her. If you think she's secretly like your mum to do it but is worried it isn't the done thing then you can be gently encouraging of her to do whatever she wants - but that's as far as it goes. It isn't your event.

If my dad wasn't around I couldn't imagine anyone more perfect to walk me down the aisle than my brother, you know, a man who always loves and protects me.

Get a grip

This is silly. Having her mum walk her down the aisle would still have "giving away" symbolism, and it's her wedding so not really the place for you to be making (frankly rather garbled) points. If you want to make some sort of point about the symbolism do it at your own wedding.

She wants no one making a fuss or raising eyebrow. She is well aware of my views on this.

Having re-read the OP, you obviously have already spoken to her, so that's more than enough. She's made a decision and you should accept and be supportive of that.

It’s her wedding. It’s what she wants, it’s done her way.

We did ours our way, with a blend of traditions from both our cultures and bits we wanted too. I’m sure eyebrows were raised on both sides but at the end of the day we had a small, chilled ‘do’ and that’s what we wanted. Nobody was inconvenienced.
I understand the origins of the wedding ceremony and the origins of the laws governing marriage but this is not the time nor the place to make a statement.

The loss of your father on the day will be significant enough for all of you, without the added stress of you highlighting his absence. Please let it go, and just be happy for your sister and enjoy the day.

You could explain to her your views, explain that you are leading this procession as you call it and therefore its your day so what you want is most important... Or, you could be a bit less crazy and enjoy your sisters wedding day without trying to ruin it and cause upset amongst your family.

Yeah, really not your call. My brother walked me down the aisle, even though my dad was present, because I had such a bad relationship with my dad at the time I didn't like the symbolism of him 'giving me away'. It felt good to include my brother, and we saw it as him 'accompanying' me down the aisle.
But this was my wedding, and therefore, it was in my gift to decide these things. You are only a guest at someone else's wedding, albeit someone who is a close family member, and therefore, bluntly, it's none of your business.

Glad you're not my sister.

Her wedding - her choice - as long as the other participants are happy, it's nothing to do with you.

Sorry but you are coming across as unhinged. I think you are well out of order even addressing this with your sister! I think it is lovely for your sister to have your brother for this occasion and it is her right to choose this. If she didn't want this she would have done something different.