Wedding!! Sister being walked down aisle by brother

[hardie]

My DS is getting married on Saturday. Big church wedding, i am only bridesmaid, our DD is dead and DM alive and well. So It turns out DS wants one of our brothers to walk her up the aisle. This absolutely infuriates me, especially as I will be leading this procession and it goes against everything rational, feeds into male superiority and validates it. DS hates attention and feels like anything else will be different and have people talking (we are from a rural village and brother would be the usual way to manage aisle in weddings where dad dead..but it's still bloody 2018). She wants no one making a fuss or raising eyebrow. She is well aware of my views on this. So do I just suck it up (her choice etc..) or chat to her properly on this? DM would be happy to accompany her up aisle. I also really really don't want DS to feel even more self conscious here. Can someone help me articulate a few arguments in support of DM route - other than what I have noted above. Many thanks (first time posting but read these boards a lot)

Agree with PPs that it's a deeply personal decision and really nothing to do with anyone else. My DF died earlier this year and I'm getting married later this month. My DM is walking me down the aisle (registry office equivalent), DSis is doing a reading during the ceremony and DB is giving a speech at the reception. They are each playing the part that I knew would suit them best. If DB hated speaking in front of others and DM enjoyed it, I would probably have switched them around.

Hope that it's a lovely day for you all.

Is she your younger sister by any chance op?

OMG. You have to desist. Never mention the issue again! It's her wedding. Not about you. It's horrid to stress someone out before their big day. It's none of your business. You like everyone else are there in a minor role to support her.

1. It’s not your wedding
2. A’s a feminist shouldn’t no one give you away? Not a brother, not a mum. You have some odd part way feminist thinking here which is basically you don’t like your sister’s choice.

You should not be looking for ways to argue with your sister about this. Suck it up, it's not your problem (not that it's a problem at all) the world doesn't revolve around you and your apparent obsession with being a feminist!!

Oh, mate. Your arse is being handed to you!

In the end, even if you find it annoying, your sister can have as "unfeminist" a wedding as she likes.

YABVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVU.

The fact that you are bridesmaid doesn't mean you are "leading" anything: this decision has nothing whatsoever to do with you.

She is well aware of my views on this.

no one cares about your views, and no one should, sorry. It's HER wedding, you should help her to have a lovely and happy day, not behave like a spoil brat, and your ridiculous views about male superiority.

I feel sorry for your sister who has lost her father and has to deal with a selfish and rude sister. She is not hurting anyone, not being offensive to anyone, not being inappropriate in any way. Why do you want to spoil her day? Are you jealous or something?

What th fuckity fuck are you getting your knickers in a twist for ?

Surely it would be normal for a brother to give away a bride (if you are going down that route)

She has made her choice, keep your blummin mouth shut and DO NOT spoil her day.

It will be times like this that your Dad not being around will bring back memories so dont add to her plate

I had to reread your post as I thought for a moment you were against the idea because the brother will feel miserably self-conscious. If your mum and brother are both happy with what your sister wants, then you really do need to keep your beak out. This is not about you.

It is nothing to do with you.

YABU. My brother lead me down the aisle too!

It made him part of the ceremony. My sisters were bridesmaids and my mum did the 'father of the bride' speech. Yes, I could have gone down alone but a) I appreciated the support and b) it meant he wasn't the only member of my immediate family not in a 'starring role'.

It's her wedding, let her do it her way.

Drama llama, calm down and stop enforcing your feminist views on your sister. I get the impression you don't think much of your brothers. Mother of the Bride is a unique role too, as is the person 'giving her away', your Mum isn't left out. I think it sounds lovely she has your brothers to be a part of HER day.

So your mother will be waiting very near the altar to welcome all her dc
You will lead your sister in
Your brother will accompany her

How lovely, I hope one of you will be carrying something significant to represent your father who cannot be there.

I really don't get this.

She presumably likes her brother, yes?

And from your terminology, she is being 'accompanied' rather than 'given away'.

So what's the big deal?

I see why there are feminist discussions to be had around the institution of marriage and the ceremony, but this seems pretty minor in the scheme of things. And why should your sister have to feel awkward - if it is quite a conventional rural church? There is nothing awful, shame-of-the-sisterhood, in sometimes saying 'I am going to do the thing that doesn't kick up a fuss, because I have bigger fish to fry today'.

Maybe she's close to her brother and just appreciates having him there as a support? I know traditionally the man walks the bride down the aisle to give her away which I agree is outdated, but most people I know who have got married just want the support on the day as they're nervous and they don't view it as anything more than that. I'm very close to my brother and would probably choose him over my Mum because of that. Nothing to do with him being male, just that we're close. I would just let her get on with it. It's her day and she should be able to have it her way.

Isn't it the 'giving away' but that is 'unfeminist' rather than who is doing the giving away? Why would it be better if it was your Mum?

And I agree with others, you seriously need to let this go. And quick.

Isn't being a feminist about giving women a choice? She's choosing to have her brother walk her down the aisle. Butt out.

It's her wedding and her choice. It really is none of your business.

Would you be kicking up this fuss if your dad were still alive and your sister chose him instead of your mum to 'give her away'? If not, then what's the difference with her choosing her brother rather than her mother?

As everyone says, it's not your wedding! No way was I going to be 'given away' and DH and I walked in together holding hands. I have been an adult bridesmaid many times at friends and sisters' weddings and they all went for traditional weddings and chose an uncle and a brother to give them away in the absence of their fathers and I was thrilled for all of them as their choices had nothing to do with me!

Totally her choice - stop spoiling her wedding with your 'feminist' ideas. Feminism is about choice, not about following like sheep every opportunity for a woman to replace man. It is not about excluding men from things and women doing a particular job in their place just for the sake of it.

You sister has chosen her brother, her choice as a woman to make her own decisions - would you have insisted on your mother doing the 'giving away' if your father had still been alive ? - because that is the logical route of your argument.

You sound like a bully. Feminism hears women's voices it doesn't shout them down.

My DB walked me up the aisle when I got married. DF was unavailable (he was taking the service!)
Not your wedding.