Wedding!! Sister being walked down aisle by brother

[hardie]

My DS is getting married on Saturday. Big church wedding, i am only bridesmaid, our DD is dead and DM alive and well. So It turns out DS wants one of our brothers to walk her up the aisle. This absolutely infuriates me, especially as I will be leading this procession and it goes against everything rational, feeds into male superiority and validates it. DS hates attention and feels like anything else will be different and have people talking (we are from a rural village and brother would be the usual way to manage aisle in weddings where dad dead..but it's still bloody 2018). She wants no one making a fuss or raising eyebrow. She is well aware of my views on this. So do I just suck it up (her choice etc..) or chat to her properly on this? DM would be happy to accompany her up aisle. I also really really don't want DS to feel even more self conscious here. Can someone help me articulate a few arguments in support of DM route - other than what I have noted above. Many thanks (first time posting but read these boards a lot)

Of all the things to get worked up about!

This post really confused me. Thought your son's wife was getting walked down the aisle by his uncle and you casually said your daughter's dead

Keep your agenda to yourself. This is your sister's big day and you sound incredibly rude and self centred. Either support her fully or walk away from the event.

It is nothing to do with you! If my DF wasn’t available I would have had one of my DB walk wth me too.

eggcellent Same here! I am so glad I am not the only one:-)

You're being completely unreasonable and a huge bit of a brat.

It's 2018 like you say so why can't people make their own damn decisions without opinionated busybodies - even family! - judging and scrutinising then based entirely of THEIR views. Leave your sister alone. Blimey.

If your sister wants her brother to walk her down the aisle, you have absolutely no right to interfere. Do what you want at YOUR wedding.

I’m a feminist. I really don’t see the issue with this. You’re fighting the wrong battles imo. Having the fob or in this case, bob giving your dsis away isn’t buying into the patriarchy, it’s buying into tradition as the act of giving a daughter away is defunct. My father died in my teens and married a few years later. Her husband, who I called my stepfather despite being an adult when they met gave me away. You sound very immature. Get your sticky beak out.

YABU. My Dad died just a month before my wedding, and I asked my brother to walk me down the aisle in his place. My DM didn't feel snubbed at all. She still played a large part at my wedding. She was my witness and she did a reading. No one was offended, and no one got angry. It's your sister's wedding - her choices, not yours.

I didn’t have anyone walk me down the aisle because I didn’t like the connotations but I still think you’re wrong. It was MY decision and MY wedding. You can do what the hell you like for your wedding. Your sister’s is another matter. Stop interfering and plaster a big smile on your face. Your sister is probably struggling because your DD isn’t there to walk her down the aisle. Don’t make it worse with your meddling.

Eggcellent
User
Yes op is getting it all wrong including acronyms.

It's HER wedding. I've been married 33 years and my dad is dead, mum alive. I would ask my brother to walk me, if I were getting married tomorrow. Firstly, because he would be honoured to do it, just like you are honoured, I'm sure, to be her bridesmaid. It seems hypocritical of you to take that female role and moan about your brother taking a male role.

Should it be, she's marring a bloke, it's 2018!!!

Not your wedding, not your choice and perfectly fine for your sister to follow tradition or not as she wishes. It's a lovely way to include your brother in the wedding party - I suppose in perfect equality he should be a bridal attendant too.

My DS walked my DD down the aisle as their DF is dead. It would never have occurred to me to object or feel slighted, although I gave the 'Father of the Bride' speech.

Ps. If you love her, don't start having a go about it with her, though I suspect you will, pre wedding anxiety will be high enough for her as it is.

You sound like a nightmare! This is not your wedding. I think it's lovely that she's giving your DB this role in her wedding.
Leave her alone and don't say anything.
It's got nothing to do with you.

My brother walked me down the aisle. My sister could not have given one single fuck (she was Maid of Honour), and it was my Mum who actually suggested it as she is very shy and didn't want the attention. Wind your neck in and stop trying to dictate your sister's wedding.

I do agree that a woman shouldn't have to be walked down the aisle by a man, my Mum walked me, but it's totally her choice. It is a bit weird to get this worked up about it. Is it just feminism or are there other reasons here?

Also it's nice that she'll have both her siblings with her isn't it? Your Mum can sit at the front and be proud of all three of her children.

Glad you aren't my sister! It's her wedding. Back off and mind your own.

Are you actually trying to spoil her wedding for her, because your post is all about YOU! (Guess what - it isn't! Her wedding is all about HER).

Fuck! Do you suck the joy out of every occasions you attend?

You sound awful, judgmental and truly self absorbed.

I'm hoping you aren't real as I would hate to think someone is really living inside the head that generates those thoughts!

Bridesmaidzilla!

I can only imagine what a soor-faced bridesmaid you're going to be! I'm amazed you took on such a "feminine" role!

"she is well aware of my views on this"

So fucking what?

They are your views & have no bearing at all on her wedding day.

Are you married?

If not-you can ask your mum.

My brother accompanied me down the aisle. It was lovely.

Not really anything to add to what others have said - it's her wedding, therefore the decisions are hers and her partner's alone. This is not your decision. If and when you marry, you can then do things as you wish. Respect your sister's choices and give her the day she deserves.

Her wedding, her choice. Respect her decision.

This absolutely infuriates me, especially as I will be leading this procession and it goes against everything rational, feeds into male superiority and validates it.

You do realise it's not your wedding?