Wedding!! Sister being walked down aisle by brother

[hardie]

My DS is getting married on Saturday. Big church wedding, i am only bridesmaid, our DD is dead and DM alive and well. So It turns out DS wants one of our brothers to walk her up the aisle. This absolutely infuriates me, especially as I will be leading this procession and it goes against everything rational, feeds into male superiority and validates it. DS hates attention and feels like anything else will be different and have people talking (we are from a rural village and brother would be the usual way to manage aisle in weddings where dad dead..but it's still bloody 2018). She wants no one making a fuss or raising eyebrow. She is well aware of my views on this. So do I just suck it up (her choice etc..) or chat to her properly on this? DM would be happy to accompany her up aisle. I also really really don't want DS to feel even more self conscious here. Can someone help me articulate a few arguments in support of DM route - other than what I have noted above. Many thanks (first time posting but read these boards a lot)

Oh FFS why shouldn't her brother walk her down the isle if that's what she wants.

So basically you feel that she shouldn't have the wedding that she wants because you need to hijack it for your views? So she should choose you and in the 40 years to come look back thinking: I didn't want that but at least OP is happy? You sound awfully controlling, go plan your own bloody wedding if it is so important to you.

Oh dear OP. This probably wasn't the reaction you were hoping for!

I am quite liking the FWR AIBU format though. Next time I have a feminist dilemma I'm going to bring it to the board (and put on a tin hat before posting)

It's her blinking wedding op!

Go take your opinions elsewhere

None of your business.

As it happens, I agree with you, but it's none of your business so stay out.

We had a situation a bit like this in our family although it resulted in the bride ending up not being entirely happy but structuring things so the peace was kept. These things are tricky but there's nothing objectively wrong with her decision and it's again it's none of your business.

the day so-called and self-proclaimed "feminists" understand that giving empowerment to women and the right to chose whatever is best for them is what feminism should be all about will be a ground breaking moment.

Being a big sister doesn't give you any right to impose your own choices on others.

This isn't a 'feminist dilemma', this is the OP being controlling and uptight about her sister's wedding dilemma.

Good grief this is madness. It is nothing to do with you. it is your sisters wedding not yours. Not a place for politics of any sort, I have no idea what your sister or your mother feel. I know my own mother, missing my father, would love a sone to represent him. Weddings are enough of a nightmare without this sort of claptrap. My husband walked his sister, it was lovely

You're being ridiculous. My mum walked me down the aisle but only because DF was dead and I have no brothers.

Literally no idea why you would insert yourself into this situation like this.
It is your sister's choice, it's her wedding, if she wants one of your brothers to take her down the aisle (a perfectly normal substitution when Dads are not available) then butt out!

Does your mother even care? Or are you on this feminist crusade all by yourself here?

I think you should respect her wishes, she may be well aware of your views but it's her wedding day & she is perfectly entitled to chose whoever she would like to walk her down the aisle

Her wedding her choice. Keep your opinions to yourself, weddings are stressful enough without everyone else sticking their two peneth in.

If we decided to get married our son would do the honour of walking me down as my dad is no longer with us and it would cause arguments amongst the other males and even females in the family.

My son is getting married next week and the brides brother will be walking her down the aisle.

One of my daughters has said that she wants my husband to marry her so as and when the time comes she will be walked down the aisle by her brother.

I think it's a lovely idea.

Why are you trying to make this all about you? As bridesmaid, all you are required to do is wear a hideous dress and help the bride with whatever she asks of you.

Are you overseas, OP? I ask because in this country the usually bridesmaids go after the bride, not lead the procession. Is it perhaps much more unusual for a brother to walk down the aisle with the bride where you are? Although to be honest, even if it is you are still being unreasonable.

At the very least you need to reassure your sister that you will not cause a scene at her wedding because of this. I's put money on her having huge extra stress worrying about you making a huge fuss. If she dislikes attention then she is probably stressed enough already, poor thing.

Why the hell do you think its any of your business?

Gosh! I’m surprised at so many posters on a feminism board being totally cool with a womans brother taking on the role of ‘ownership’ of a grown woman to hand her over to her new husband. It’s bad enough dads doing this as a tradition but what right does a brother have to take on that role, especially over the mother! Oh yes, he’s a man (who didn’t even raise her but however).

I nearly spit my coffee out at the poster who indignantly said her brother was her ‘protector’.

What in God’s name is going on with these Feminism boards!!!

Can someone help me articulate a few arguments in support of DM route?

Absolutely. Your DM should walk your sister down the aisle instead of what the bride wants because it meets your arbitrary requirements, efficiently hurts several people's feelings with one simple action, properly centres attention back on you and very effectively sucks all the joy out of the occasion which will suit any po-faced, tight-arsed miserable bastards who might be there. Win win!

What in God’s name is going on with these Feminism boards!!! Most of us are reserving our own opinions and allowing a woman to make her own choice about how she wishes to celebrate her relationship. You know - the heart of feminism - equality of choice!!

There are times when even the Dali Lama takes a back seat!

Egotistical twaddle!

Don't understand. What's it got to do with you? You don't need any "arguments" to use, because she's decided that's what she wants.

If she was not sure which to choose, and wanted input/advice, fair enough. But it sounds like she's decided so don't give her any grief just because she's made a different choice than you would.

Gosh! I’m surprised at so many posters on a feminism board being totally cool with a womans brother taking on the role of ‘ownership’ of a grown woman to hand her over to her new husband.

But it's OK if it's a woman's mother taking on the role of 'ownership' of a grown woman to hand her over to her new husband?

You're not a feminist. You're just a bully.
Her wedding, her choice.
Mind your own life.

@Hideandgo, I made it very clear in my post that I agree with the OP. Actually, I'd take it one step further, and not be "given away" at all as I, oddly enough, take the view that I'm not anyone's chattel.

However, as batshit as it is, the bride has the right to make her own choices in this regard. She's wrong, obviously, but sadly, that doesn't give her sister the right to cause an almighty shitshow the week of her wedding.

"Gosh! I’m surprised at so many posters on a feminism board being totally cool with a womans brother taking on the role of ‘ownership’ of a grown woman to hand her over to her new husband. It’s bad enough dads doing this as a tradition but what right does a brother have to take on that role, especially over the mother! Oh yes, he’s a man (who didn’t even raise her but however)."

I don't see that at all. People aren't saying they'd necessarily make the same choice for their own wedding, but the only person who actually needs to be "totally cool" with the brother doing it is the sister, who is presumably not on the thread. It's no one else's business.

Beak out.

You are being out of order . Its not your wedding keep your opinions to yourself .
When i got married my dad wasnt there and i asked my older brother to walk me down the aisle . My other brother was a witness and my mum helped me pick my dress. Its a way to include everyone.
Its her wedding and she should be allowed to have it the way she wants.