Wedding!! Sister being walked down aisle by brother

[hardie]

My DS is getting married on Saturday. Big church wedding, i am only bridesmaid, our DD is dead and DM alive and well. So It turns out DS wants one of our brothers to walk her up the aisle. This absolutely infuriates me, especially as I will be leading this procession and it goes against everything rational, feeds into male superiority and validates it. DS hates attention and feels like anything else will be different and have people talking (we are from a rural village and brother would be the usual way to manage aisle in weddings where dad dead..but it's still bloody 2018). She wants no one making a fuss or raising eyebrow. She is well aware of my views on this. So do I just suck it up (her choice etc..) or chat to her properly on this? DM would be happy to accompany her up aisle. I also really really don't want DS to feel even more self conscious here. Can someone help me articulate a few arguments in support of DM route - other than what I have noted above. Many thanks (first time posting but read these boards a lot)

My BiL walked me down the aisle (and made a speech) at my wedding as my dad had died 6 months previously. I don't have a brother but I love my BiL as if he was.

I can tell you now that if anyone has tried to "reason with me" about ray choice I would've been very upset. If I'd thought my sister was infuriated and angry with me about it I would've also been very upset.

It was my decision and it is your sister's decision. Butt out

I don;t see this as a feminist dilemma - a feminist dilemma would be whether to have someone 'give you away' in this day and age - totally outdated IMO, women are not property. But if you are going with that tradition, who does it is entirely the choice of the woman getting married.

No idea what 'leading the procession' involves - sounds like Mardi Gras.

Actually whether to give someone away isn't a dilemma either obviously, its a given that it is a bizarre idea. There is no dilemmma here of any kind.

This is not a feminist issue - it is a bossy controlling sister who wants to make the day all about her issue.

I can't quite reconcile your views, you're taking on a traditional role for yourself but object to your sister asking your brother to take his father's place in another traditional role

You can and should make your choices of what traditions to keep and what are patriarchal and must go if you get married. This is your sisters wedding and her choices.

You say your sister is well aware of your views, I hope you have merely stated your view in passing and have not tried to argue that your opinion should override her wishes on her wedding day. If you've done the latter it might be best to apologise to her then say no more on the subject and we'll all hope the day goes well with no further dramas.

Only give your opinion if she asks you what you think. Let her decide.

This can't be real, no one's that fucking spiteful to try and turn their sibling's wedding into a point-making opportunity for themselves. Like the sister hasn't already got enough to think about this close to the wedding.

Btw are you all religious and go to church every Sunday?

It's fuck all to do with you who your sister has walking her down the aisle!!!! You need to be keeping your mad thoughts to yourself so you don't ruin her day

Hideandgo my opinions are irrelevant as it's not my wedding.

If the OP had asked what people thought of the traditional in general that would have been different.

Name change fail, OP?

I totally understand your frustration with her picking your DB rather than your DM, but it is her wedding so her choice. Unless you want to spoil her day, say nothing.

what utter bollocks femisnism?

its up to her not you she can have the postman walking her down the aisle if she wants

So you go and get married, or remarried, and have your mother walk you down the aisle. Your wedding, your choice. Stop being "infuriated" about someone else's wedding arrangements.

So feminist explanations are patronising and cause rifts in families so should be avoided. Oh stop it! You know damn well my post was in direct response to your suggestion that OP took even more time to belabour hers DSis about her wedding - not as a global point.

If you want to cry go cry over the fact that you need to make things up to support your point!

Remember what the point of ANY political point it... to persuade people to reach an accord, not infuriate them! AKA

My brother gave me away.... 10 years ago and I would have him do it now. I was 22 when I got married...

Yes my dad was/is alive and so is my mom.

My dad hasn't been there for me really so I didn't see why he should do such a special thing on my big day.

My mom has always been there for me and I did think about her giving me away but I am very traditional and I wanted a man to give me away.

When my daughters birth certificates were signed it was my husband who did it and not me first as he is there dad and the man in our relationship and I think it's his place as he looks after us as a family and although I look after our family too I still feel it's his place.

It's definitely each to there own and a personal decision..

You've given her your views, and she's given no fucks in return.

Your sister kinda sounds like she rocks, you sound like you're being a pain in the bum.

I wonder what response you were expecting. Very telling that you've disappeared. Also very glad to not have a sister like you.

"I’m just shocked at why all you other ‘feminists’ aren’t showing any comprehension of why she has an issue with it! "

No one has said anything which implies they don't understand why the OP has an issue with it, and if it was her wedding and she was looking for ammunition to shut up family members who were muttering, I'm sure everyone would be right behind her and coming up with loads of things she could say.

Everyone understands why the OP has an issue with the concept, but it's not the OP's place to have (or express) an issue with something someone else is doing at their own wedding and which doesn't actually affect her at all.

Is your brother making a speech? Maybe you could offer to make a speech as it does seem rough that it's only men that get to talk so maybe that'd be some sort of compromise? My sister did my 'Father of the Bride' speech. She quoted Jerry Springer though so maybe she was a bad choice I made a speech too.

My colleague had her then 4 year old son walk her down the aisle as both her parents were dead.

Maybe your mum doesn't want to walk her down the aisle.

Completely out of order, she has said she wants her brother to do it, so butt out and let her make her decision

I gave the speech instead of the father of the bride speech. It was a fucking awful speech, and I cringe at the memory of how chronically I arsed it up, because I was nervous and forgetful and emotional. But probably not the worst speech ever.

OP is a plopper!

Eh? Its up to her innit. My brother walked me down the isle. Absolutely nothing to do with anyone else.

Four days before the wedding is not the time to have this discussion - she has made her plans, she has spoken to everyone involved, it's all set.

Kick back, enjoy the event and support your sister on her wedding day