Girls only schools

[ParadiseCity]

I'm struggling with a potential decision and wondered if anyone would mind sharing their thoughts please...

DD may have the opportunity to go to an all girls secondary school. We have looked round and she loved it. She liked but didn't love the mixed high school (which DS is already at and I think is fantastic).

It doesn't sit right with me to separate children into girls and boys. However I work in a male dominated profession and can see that an environment free from mansplaining and being talked over is very appealing. Just not sure what is for the best.

I worked in an all girls school for 5 years, it was fab. So much confidence! No sitting back and letting the boys get all the attention. Really brilliant, feminist atmosphere. No horrendous bitchyness (if anything there was less of this as they weren't fighting over boys!). I'd send my dd to a single sex secondary given the option.

I think my all girls school was the making of me. I'm naturally academic and would probably have got the grades no matter where I went, but a female-only environment gave me bags of confidence, independence, mostly free from gender stereotyping in the school environment, no sense that science/maths were any less suitable for us to study than arts/humanities, encouragement to look to female role models etc. It did not hamper my social development in the slightest - still had boyfriends from around age 14 or so, we had regular social events with the boys school and through sports clubs, music activities, bus to/from school etc - just meant that boys weren't invading my academic life as well.

I've been thinking about this too, although it's a way off for my dd. I just want her to thrive. I went to a Coed and did not thrive, largely due to stupid pressures between the sexes and teachers with old fashioned ideas. This was the early 90's though. Maybe it's got better at Coeds?
On the flip side I don't want her to not have had experience interacting with boys. I don't know what's best either.

I went to an all girls private secondary school.
I foudn it a veyr positive experience. I am often shocked by some of the thigns people say they/dds have to endure in secondary.
For me it was basically an environment where sex was irrelevant, in that there was no sexual tension, no 'boy' or 'girl' subjects, no mansplaining, no patronising, no competing for time with boys, no sexism.

There was also lots of strong women demonstrating professional lives, both in the teaching staff and in the women who came bakc to share about their careers.

I have 2 dc at secondary and they are at grammar schools. The grammar schools accessible to us were both single sex, one for boys and one for girls.

After much though I have sent ds to the boys and dd to the girls and hope it is a positive experience for both of them. The advantage is they share school transport, and a sixth form.

Seeing ds and his mates I like the fact that girls and all that involves isn't really yet on their agenda, aged 14. Also the school is very positive with the boys and there is less of the 'disruptive boys' feeling going on. No 'girls' subjects, they all get stuck into cooking and art etc.

dd is in her first year at hers, and while there is lots of positive stuff, I realise she walks to the beat of a slightly different drum to the other girls. There are only 4 girls in her year who chose to wear the uniforms trouser option, and only 2 in her year with short hair. She has found 2 close friends, but it took a while, and her friends from the train are both boys from the boys school rather than girls from her school. But she is a quiet, gets lost in the crowd type, who might and disappeared in a noisy classroom.

I still think she will benefit from the positive for girls environment, but wonder if we should have gone for co-ed. (but then not grammar, so difficult choice)

So it can work for both boys and girls. Probably. I hope.

I had a very positive experience at my all girls school. We had strong STEM subject teaching and although I wasn't a very STEMmy type myself, at least I am sure that my A levels in languages / humanities were my preference and not one I was funnelled into due to my sex. No mansplaining, no dressing for the boys, positive female role models.

It was an independent girls' school and the head was extremely fond of saying "independent girls, independent women" (making it instantly recognisable to anybody else who was there at the time!) and although we took the piss out of it constantly I think she probably had a point. It wasn't perfect but in that respect it was great. I would definitely send my DD to a girls' school if I had the option.

Went to an all-girls Catholic school in Ireland, hated every minute. They had a very particular stereotype that they wanted everyone to conform to and came down hard if you fell in any way outside of that. There was very little encouragement towards sciences - people were allowed to drop science completely and take Home Ec instead after first year!

I felt much more comfortable when I got to uni and was in a mixed environment.

I would pick the school she likes if it's a good school. IIIRC girls are generally supposed to do better at all girls schools, boys do better in coed schools.

Thanks for replies, my DD sounds similar to @Steppemum 's re trousers/hair/ i.e. not conforming to stereotypical girl things. And has lots of friends who are boys and it seems odd to cut them out of her day. Plus I keep thinking that for every girl at all girl school, there is a boy at all boy school, and being apart from girls, is he becoming more sexist than he would be at a mixed school? Is it better for society overall if they are mixed? I have a lovely DS who doesn't seem to be sexist (yet?) at mixed school.

Will keep pondering.

I went to an all girls Catholic primary and secondary. To this day I'm pretty sure it hampered my social skills

I loved my girls' school - very supportive of STEM subjects, no pressure about how you looked or who you were dating, no harassment, no being buggered around basically. (Loved my all-women's college at undergrad level too). I did plenty of mixed activities out of school so no problems with socialising.

I've no personal experience of single-sex schools, and I agree that in a perfect world we wouldn't separate boys and girls for education.

However, every girl I can think of who attended a single-sex school or college was given high aspirations, saw great female role models, (at school level) was encouraged in STEM subjects, and generally given a lot of opportunities that might otherwise have gone to boys. I do slightly envy the safety and freedom - I recall actual intimidation by boys at both school and college.

(Actually not every single girl - I concur with PP about convent schools!)

I would seriously consider single-sex education for a DD.

Sorry to show my ignorance but could somebody tell me what mansplaining is?

Indie article with some very funny examples of mansplaining

Single sex does not equate to no experience of boys and socially lacking.

Most girls' schools will make an effort to do some things with local boys' schools and even if they don't, social lives outside school are not single sex. I went to a girls' boarding school and knew lots of boys who I would meet up with at the weekends.

Being educated in an environment where sex is irrelevant to learning and ambition is liberating.

Many of my clever female friends who attended coed schools tell me that they were made to sit with the naughty boy in class so that the boy would behave, and they resented that their progress was slowed to accommodate a less intelligent,disruptive boy and to make the teacher's life better.

This is why my girls will go to single sex schools.
If I had a boy, though, I'd probably be sending him to the coed!

I went to an all girls state school and really enjoyed it.

I've read some papers that say girls do best academically from single sex schools and boys from a mixed school so that's what I plan with my children.

Most important is how you and your DD feel about each school. Follow your gut if in doubt and both are good.

Oh and I went to a mixed primary school and the girls school mixed with the local boys school at 6th Form and for school productions.

What are her hobbies? Will she mix with boys outside of school at all?

This is why my girls will go to single sex schools.
If I had a boy, though, I'd probably be sending him to the coed!

I feel the same. I'm considering an all girls school for DD, but probably not DS.
I feel that boys benefit from mixing with girls, but girls don't really gain much from being with the boys and thrive in all female environments. (I know I'm probably not meant to say that)

Thanks MOstly. Yes dh does this.

Hmm the point about sitting with a struggling boy is something DD used to do a lot which wasn't always ideal, but as she has got older they seem to be grouped into abilities so she is with boys and girls at a similar level to her.

She has hobbies that involve boys so I'm not worried about the socialising thing. Just the message that boys and girls are different and it's better to stick to your own kind?? She went to rainbows and brownies for a long time but didn't enjoy it by the end. It was a bit tame.

Part of me feels the girls school is creating a barrier around them, and giving into the idea that the world is a sexist place, so here is a place where you lucky girls CAN study stem etc. Rather than that fuck it attitude of standing shoulder to shoulder and all being equal.

I'm currently wondering about this also although likely won't be an issue given the girls only school is a grammar school so probably not the best use of my time thinking about it

I really can't decide if mixed would be better over co ed. She wouldn't mind either way either.

I thought my mind was made up with co ed until I joined MN where there are regular threads about how academically girls do better and have nore opportunities at single sex schools...

as I said ds is at an all boys school, and I actually think he is becoming less sexist rather than more.
I appreciate it is more about the school, and individual teachers, but what I see is a release from pressure. A freedom for the boys to also be themselves, the mirror image of the positives we want for our girls is that the boys are discovering how to be men without the pressure that can come from a mixed environment.

Ds is 14 and he and his mates are lovely, they all have sisters, in fact ds has all female cousins and many of our friends have girls. he enjoys the camaradary of the boys, but is confident and happy around girls.

I wonder if I would feel differently if my kids didn't have siblings of the opposite gender? I had a friend at uni who was one of 5 boys and had been to all boys school and he was clueless around women, it was quite sad.

Back to my non girly dd.
I have thought about whether it is easier or harder for her to be like this in a single sex environment or a mixed. I think on balance she has more freedom to be herself in this school.
I think in a mixed school she would get some teasing for being 'boyish'
But then some girls schools are really catty and maybe the pressure to conform is higher?

Most girls schools are either grammar or independent schools, aren't they? I wonder if the confidence girls receive is a result of being in selective education, that is knowing or being told they are best, rather than a result of not being around boys?

Although studies show that in classes with equal number of boys and girls, the boys receive 70% if the attention.

And i can see that the prospect of being the only girl in a class, might stop some girls picking that option.

All you can do is visit schools and try to get her in the school that you think is the best for her.

I went to an all girls school, and to be honest I had a pretty awful time because of the horrible bullying that seems to be the modus operandi of teenage girls, that is always a risk but I don't know if it would have been the same at a mixed school, I spent most of primary school with the boys playing football as I was bullied by girls there too, that's not an option at a single sex school.

The school itself was brilliant though and I excelled academically, it is nice for girls not to have to compete with boys or feel cowed by them. My school produces a lot of very capable, confident and intelligent young women, I just got very unlucky with friendship groups. It's a shame that they now have a male headteacher as I think that sends the wrong message, that men get the top jobs, the female head while I was there was a brilliant woman who I very much admired. Plenty of girls who weren't stereotypically girly and had no problems because of that.

My brother was also at a single sex school, he is not sexist in the slightest, but a vast majority of his peers are tbh. I don't think it is as much of an issue at girls schools.

Am a strong supporter of women only environments in lots of places as a way of allowing women to achieve their full potential and nowhere is this truer than in a decent girls secondary school. Rather than being put off STEM subjects or discouraged from leadership positions, young women can achieve so much in such a supportive environment. And if your DD is more unusual, she's possibly more likely to find her tribe amongst a bigger group of girls. Yes to this every time, but especially as you say she prefers it.