Girls only schools

[ParadiseCity]

I'm struggling with a potential decision and wondered if anyone would mind sharing their thoughts please...

DD may have the opportunity to go to an all girls secondary school. We have looked round and she loved it. She liked but didn't love the mixed high school (which DS is already at and I think is fantastic).

It doesn't sit right with me to separate children into girls and boys. However I work in a male dominated profession and can see that an environment free from mansplaining and being talked over is very appealing. Just not sure what is for the best.

Hothead I hope your daughter will be able to get back into sport and find somewhere she can take part with other girls as it's a shame for her to give up something she loved. Also see if the links I gave help if being one of only three girls in her computer science class gets to her at all, as there are many girls in similar positions and I hope she'll be able to continue pursuing it.

place marking

Both me and my sister went to an all girl's school and it probably was the making of me. I have always been independent; never relied on anyone for anything; work in a what was considered a male environment and am genuinely puzzled by the idea that I can't do something because I'm a women. I'm in my 50's so things were more difficult for women when I started my career 30 years ago.

My sister was still at the all girl's when it amalgamated with another coed school to become fully coed. The thing that shocked most was that the girls at the coed naturally deferred to the boys. They let the boys take the lead didn't challenge in anyway and were all round v passive. The boys were v shocked by the girls from the girls school who genuinely saw themselves as total equals with valid views and opinions.

I genuinely think if there were more single sex schools there would be less of a need to run these 'this girl can' type campaigns and encouraging girls to go into traditionally male occupations because when you go to an all girls' school it never enters your head that you can't.

nolove Of course there are children of all kinds at girls schools but I love that my DD isn't just in a girls environment, I see only positives to it. That may be because she comes from a family and goes to a school who see no difference in the ability, aspirations and expectations of the girls to the boys. The boys and girls see one another as peers and equals and I do believe that she will be a stronger woman for being in a co-ed school. I've not seen any evidence of the girls being undermined by boys or having their learning environment compromised by being co-ed.

As for taking up sport, we're not in a big town,public transport is minimal and no clubs behond guides for girls.Lots of men's/boys football and rugby though,and somewhere for skate boards.She makes me go lane swimming and does 3to my 1.
As for stem subjects,the sciences are not an issue since all her set were told to do triple science regardless of sex and the teachers are great.
With computer science,she has just started the GCSE course and it is tough but she has enjoyed it.She thinks it would be silly to give up so soon and that if she sticks with it,even if she doesn't pass an exam it will be useful.
She'll do ok academically but I think her confidence has been affected and she is slow to ask for help if she's stuck with anything

toledanosunshie I'm glad to hear about the environment at your daughter's school - it sounds excellent. My main objection was to your comment about the "less pleasant behaviour of girls at 13/14/15" which I feel is grounded in a misogynistic view of teenage girls prevalent in society. It suggests such behaviour is inevitable and something unique to girls. I have never experienced anything of the kind. Some children can be unpleasant, it's nothing to do with being girls or boys.

Hothead your daughter sounds great and with a positive attitude. Glad to hear she still enjoys swimming. There's no reason she'll not pass computer science and thrive in it - she's enjoying it and may have a flair for it.

nolove unfortunately I have seen that behaviour many times. In my own high achieving girls school it was rampant, as a counsellor on camp America it was constant amongst the 14 year old girls and I see it with friends with girls that age at a range of school. It's happening in my son's year and the positive is that the girls at the receiving end of it at able to spend time with the boys who in my experience are less judgmental. That's not to say all girls experience it but I think it's extremely common at that age and to have the cushion of a wider choice of boys and girls to be friends with it can break up the intensity

My experience of 14 year old girls, having been one not long ago and still interacting with them at school, is they're lovely, caring, supportive and doing a great deal despite having to put up with the way society sees them, being sexualised, comments both from boys they know and starting to receive them in the street. This isn't unique to me as I've observed it in every such year group at my school and friends at other girls' schools find the same. Sexual assaults in schools are on the rise, some boys are certainly unkind to one another and bullying is hardly unique to one sex yet it's always teenage girls who are the subjects of this vitriol. I find this infuriating. The notion that boys are the saviours of girls who don't act like this to protect them from the horrors of the girls who do (presumably the implication is this is the majority) is also enraging to me considering what many teenage boys do in terms of how they view and treat girls.

the boys who in my experience are less judgmental.

This all really gets to me but this, I'm glad it's not the case at your daughter's school but in so many schools the way many boys judge girls is horrific - on their bodies, apparent sexual appeal, how they act, I've come across it so many times. Yet they're praised as "less judgemental" and girls are "not pleasant", it's so vexing.

It's bad enough this misogynist view of teenage girls is accepted pretty much by society in general but to come across it on a feminist section of a board primarily frequented by parents is even more disheartening.

I don't think anyone should be forced into single sex education. Unfortunately that happens here.

I'd like to 'like' your post from Fri 21-Jul-17 15:16:01 NoLoveofMine

Thanks BicBac!

Ideology is all v well.

You need look at your dd and decide honestly where will she thrive.

Different girls are obviously different. As are all girl schools.

In retrospect I am happy to have attended one and may well choose it for my own dd.

Arsenic I agree with what you say about women and sport and male-dominated professions etc. I was reading the intro to Anna (?) Kessel's book Eat Sweat Play about taking up sport and it talks about sport in schools and how it wasn't important for girls and badly taught and everyone skipped it etc and now no women play sport etc and it just didn't resonate with me at all. Lots of sport played by lots of girls in my all girls school, no problem with getting sweaty, lots do extra curricular sport etc etc.

Like you say it just never occurs to you that you shouldn't do something.

I think the conforming, or lack of, is more about the individual child and school, than single sex versus co-ed. Plus exactly how they aren't conforming.

it talks about sport in schools and how it wasn't important for girls and badly taught and everyone skipped it etc and now no women play sport etc and it just didn't resonate with me at all

Nor me. One of my school friends still plays netball, and we're mid-40s now. Lots of runners, gym types, zumba, yoga, cycling, swimming, tennis, badminton, rowing. I think the couple who played rugby at uni gave up before we hit 30, though.