Girls only schools

[ParadiseCity]

I'm struggling with a potential decision and wondered if anyone would mind sharing their thoughts please...

DD may have the opportunity to go to an all girls secondary school. We have looked round and she loved it. She liked but didn't love the mixed high school (which DS is already at and I think is fantastic).

It doesn't sit right with me to separate children into girls and boys. However I work in a male dominated profession and can see that an environment free from mansplaining and being talked over is very appealing. Just not sure what is for the best.

[ParadiseCity]

@YetAnotherSpartacus

Secondary school(must have been something in the water)again boys far outnumber girls

Maybe the girls in the area have gone to SS schools, leaving those without the means to do so in your daughter's predicament.

This is part of what I am thinking over. My eldest is a boy at a mixed school. If my daughter goes to a girls school, is this me being a hypocrite?! I am really not one of those 'I'm alright Jack' sorts and would rather my family 'helps society'* than hinders it.

*That sounds massively wankerish but you know what I mean.

[YetAnotherSpartacus]

Yes. I really don't know what to say, though, because as I have said in my previous posts I think the issue is much bigger than SS vs Co-ed and also has to do with the type of school and its relative wealth / resources, etc. Basically, the system is fucked and those with the least resources to begin with are going to be the most screwed in the end - as usual.

I do applaud your social conscience, though.

I suggest that you ask your daughter to make up a list of pros and cons of both schools and a list of reasons about why she prefers one to the other. I also suggest that you make a list of your concerns and consider each and that you make a decision with your daughter in a collaborative way.

[NoLoveofMine]

I'm not entirely sure how sending a child to a single sex school means you're not showing a social conscience?

[ParadiseCity]

NoLove - it's about thinking about what benefits all children not just your own.

[ParadiseCity]

Spartacus - you're right it is impossible to isolate this from all the other issues involved in 'choosing' a school. There Will Be Lists...

[NoLoveofMine]

I'm not clear on how precisely parents who send their children to single sex schools are only thinking of their own children whilst parents who have the choice to but choose mixed schools are thinking of what benefits all children.

[ParadiseCity]

Because I have a boy at a mixed school.

[NoLoveofMine]

[YetAnotherSpartacus]

Because if everyone sends their girls to SS schools an imbalance will happen in mixed schools. If we accept (for argument's sake), that SS is better than mixed, then that leaves some girls disadvantaged if they do not have the means to go to a SS school. In addition, if mixed is better for boys and the OP chooses mixed for her son, then this implies that some girls are necessary to provide a 'mixed' environment. The OP is (I think) saying that if she wants this benefit for her son (having girls around) then she should not be hypocritical and send her daughter to a SS school, expecting less resourced parents to provide the girls from whom her son will benefit.

Correct me if I'm wrong OP.

[Datun]

That only makes sense if you agree that everyone wants to send their girls to a single sex school and the boys to co-ed.

That might be the consensus on here, because most of the women are feminists, but lots of people don't give a monkeys about feminism.

[NoLoveofMine]

I can see that point in a sense. With me I go to a girls' school and my brothers go to a boys' school so I'm not sure what that would say in that context about my parents. It's not necessarily about resources as I know of independent mixed schools and state single sex schools (a fair number of each) although I appreciate it may often be.

The hypocritical aspect is only if you take that opinion. I was questioning why specifically parents who sent their children to single sex schools are showing themselves not to be bothered about anyone's children but their own.

[YetAnotherSpartacus]

That only makes sense if you agree that everyone wants to send their girls to a single sex school and the boys to co-ed

The discussion was contextual and raised in light of a post that described a MS school as having few girls. I pointed out that this may be the result of those having the means to do so sending their girls to SS schools. The OP then raised an ethical issue wrt this.

[Datun]

YetAnotherSpartacus

Ok, I take your point.

[YetAnotherSpartacus]

I was questioning why specifically parents who sent their children to single sex schools are showing themselves not to be bothered about anyone's children but their own

I think this has been explained, but as it was the OP's expression I will leave the OP to elaborate if she wishes.

[NoLoveofMine]

Oh, so sorry for not understanding. I shall just accept this fact henceforth.

[YetAnotherSpartacus]

You don't have to accept it - that's up to you. My point was that you have picked up on the OPs exact words (as opposed to the general ideas in the exchange between her and I that I helped contribute to) and I can't interpret these.

[toledanosunshie]

I actively chose a co/ed school for my daughter and felt very strongly against a girls school for her. My eldest is also co-ed (DS) and I see no difference academically with the education and expectations of the girls compared to the boys. I feel that, especially for girls who are not stereotypical a co-ed school allows them the opportunity to not conform, to find their people (DD has mainly male friends) and to break up some of the less than pleasant girls behaviour when they are 13 / 14 / 15. I went to a girls school and I was perfectly happy there but felt very strongly that having a high achieving co-ed school was a far better environment for my DD. In fact, she was at a co-ed prep school and the private co-ed schools weren't academically strong enough so we chose a co-ed state school for her and her brother which was strongly supported by the school.

[NoLoveofMine]

My point was that you have picked up on the OPs exact words (as opposed to the general ideas in the exchange between her and I that I helped contribute to)

I picked up on both. Since you're being patronising I will also say...that's what conversation is.

[YetAnotherSpartacus]

I'm not being patronising. I'm simply saying that I've done my best to explain, you have picked up on the OP's post and her words and her issue and I'm thus bowing out!

[NoLoveofMine]

I feel that, especially for girls who are not stereotypical a co-ed school allows them the opportunity to not conform, to find their people (DD has mainly male friends) and to break up some of the less than pleasant girls behaviour when they are 13 / 14 / 15.

Girls' schools have numerous girls who don't "conform" in my experience. There are girls of all types, interests, personalities. One of the best things about girls' schools from what I've experienced is this variety - take up of STEM subjects is only an academic example of this but there's also such a range of styles in so many ways.

The latter point I just find infuriatingly misogynistic. I've experienced nothing of the sort and nor have friends at other girls' schools. Why do we always accuse teenage girls of "unpleasant" behaviour etc whilst the way many teenage boys talk of and treat girls is barely mentioned? It's always the stereotype of "unpleasant" teenage girls, grounded in misogyny.

[Datun]

NoLove

I'm not going to be read through it, but I think it was because people were saying a girls' school is better for girls and a mixed better for boys.

There was then a leap to suggest that all those girls in a mixed school were being sacrificed to make everyone's sons do better.

Which only make sense if you agree, and everyone else with children agrees, with the initial premise. And also only make sense if you are choosing a school based on one set of criteria and that criteria is a priority for you, as well as everyone else.

[ParadiseCity]

Spartacus has interpreted me totally correctly. As I have said, I am thinking this all over and wrestling with various thoughts.

NoLove I understand how much you and your girl friends have enjoyed their schools, I am glad for you. I have heard you loud and clear. But for me it's not as simple as you portray it.

Toledana, thanks, a lot of that strikes a chord with me. DD is not much of a conformer...

[NoLoveofMine]

Which only make sense if you agree, and everyone else with children agrees, with the initial premise. And also only make sense if you are choosing a school based on one set of criteria and that criteria is a priority for you, as well as everyone else.

Indeed, which is why it didn't make sense to me.

[ParadiseCity]

I didn't say that I did agree with the premise. I said it is something else I am mulling over.

[Hotheadwheresthecoldbath]

No,not do do with other girls being sent to single sex school,the nearest is 30 miles away and no public transport also this is the only year affected and the same from the feeder schools so definitely something in the water!