Girls only schools

[ParadiseCity]

I'm struggling with a potential decision and wondered if anyone would mind sharing their thoughts please...

DD may have the opportunity to go to an all girls secondary school. We have looked round and she loved it. She liked but didn't love the mixed high school (which DS is already at and I think is fantastic).

It doesn't sit right with me to separate children into girls and boys. However I work in a male dominated profession and can see that an environment free from mansplaining and being talked over is very appealing. Just not sure what is for the best.

[BertrandRussell]

I've actually changed my mind on this one over the years. My dd went to an excellent all girls secondary, and the girls all seemed brimming with confidence. But many of them struggled when they moved to a mixed 6th form, and it took them a long time to find their feet. Ds went to a significantly worse co-ed school, and seems to me to have much better social skills and is better at managing people. Obviously, I know that anecdote is not data...........

[Wormulonian]

Bertrand I've changed my mind the other way. I used to be very pro mixed education. I grew up in Ireland with single sex schools being in the majority ad like another poster upthread there was a very definite way girls were meant to behave and pre-1950's housewife outlook to take towards life. I went to a trendy co-ed and thought that was best. I thought the bias in mixed schooling would be ironed out by changing attitudes but it hasn't.

My DD's all went to co-ed schools and 2 out of the three really wish they had gone to all girl schools. The disruption from boys in class was unremitting and every teacher seemed to have a "tech boy" to help them with the whiteboard etc. Boys ruled the roost. On International Womens Day one year the assembly showed videos of lady gag and held her up as a feminist icon!!! Bullying about looks and taunts of "lesbian" in my DD's faces was also ongoing.Awful PE classes in inappropriate clothes with boys leering/taunting. There were "mixed" loos with an attendant which they hated (how do you clean your braces with communal sinks and no mirrors? What about period accidents). All that on top of the bullying/sniping girls you have to deal with in either school was too much.

[BertrandRussell]

Blimey, worm- that sounds awful. I suppose a lot of it depends on the school. Certainly one of the things I was hoping for in dd's all girl place was no competition about clothes and makeup and so on was depressingly rife. And the whole populars/plastics/nerds split was just as noticeable as ever. Maybe it was just a crap school.........

[dangermouseisace]

I went to a girls school. I hated it but that's cos I had issues.

But academically I really noticed the difference when I went into a mixed environment. It can't help but make girls into little feminists…instead of a teacher asking for "6 strong boys" it's "6 strong girls", it's girls getting the equipment out in physics, it's girls doing electronics, there is no question about girls being able to do x and boys y. And then girls notice when they are not in that environment and question it, "why are they now asking for boys to do what I have been doing all along?, why are boys leading the experiments in science and girls standing back?" It was good not to have that hormonal/sexual pressure thing going on. I think we stayed as children for longer, and let us focus on school work. My mates at mixed schools definitely were sexually doing stuff at a younger age than most of us, and more concerned about appearance etc.

I got on well with boys though on a matey level so I did miss that, but no doubt that would have changed with hormones and all that.

My own child is about to go off to a single sex school. I really do think that it is a good thing up until 16.

[dangermouseisace]

oh and the joy of being able to walk into your form room and shout,

"HAS ANYONE GOT ANY SPARE TAMPAX? I'VE JUST COME ON?"

I doubt you could do that in a mixed school!

[Wormulonian]

Bertrand I do think it depends on the school and particularly its leadership. When my eldest joined the school there was a really nice head and a very good, liberal atmosphere in the school which benefited my eldest. The Head was poached away.

A new head came when my 2 other DD's were there and introduced the communal loos (to cut down on violence/incidents supposedly - for whose benefit? boys), strict uniform, lots of petty rules,the crap Lady Gaga type assemblies etc. He also tried to make it into an academy but was defeated by the parents. Rather than make things better the school atmosphere and behaviour got worse and the school went from "outstanding" to "Good with some outstanding features" and is currently falling further behind in results each year.
Girls seem to be used in Co-ed schools to ameliorate against aggressive male behaviour.

[Abra1d]

My daughter has just finished A levels after eight years in a girls' school. She has done really well and had so much fun in a really supportive atmosphere designed around what girls want to do. They have a brother school nearby and do some subjects together.

[Abra1d]

My daughter has just finished A levels after eight years in a girls' school. She has done really well and had so much fun in a really supportive atmosphere designed around what girls want to do. They have a brother school nearby and do some subjects together.

[sunshineunicorn]

Mainly positive experience from all girls school. The only negative I found was that I found it difficult to relate to males when I entered the work place however I came from a family of only girls (sister and all female cousins) plus my dad worked away a lot and when home there weren't any other male adults etc.
My daughter now goes to (the same) all girls school and it was the best decision. She has so much confidence and freedom to learn without male distraction. She also has 3 brothers at home to balance things out

[Starfairylights]

I went to an girls school and I am only 18 so not too long ago. I wouldn't advise it tbh

[cuirderussie]

I went to an all-girls school and found it great. A convent school although the nuns were a dying breed by then. No boys to distract me during those important exam years-I had a boyfriend but only saw him at the weekend.. I had male friends and boyfriends in college, I really didn't miss out on a thing.

[cuirderussie]

Oh and my friends who went to mixed school tended to get sexually involved with boys much younger...not great, really.

[HarryBiscuit]

Worm mixed toilets?? That sounds awful. Apart from anything else, at my mixed school the girls toilets had a cloakroom attached and it was our refuge from some of the boys.

[sticklebrix]

Bertrand difficulty mixing later on is my only slight misgiving re. my own girls school DDs. I suspect that one DD might struggle a bit.

I'm hoping that she'll be able to struggle with some robustness as a near-adult though. Rather than dealing with an onslaught of sexual harassment as a young teen whilst trying to study and navigate adolescence - the worst case scenario in a mixed school. Those experiences in a co-ed school held me back for years.

I dunno. So many variables. It really does depend on the school I guess. And the child.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

stickle

Can I be a pain and ask why it was difficult to mix after.

I'm kinda wondering if it's because boys were generally some kind of alien species or was it because after years of speaking to and being spoken to by equals it was hard to find your place amongst people used to dealing with people who knew the "rules"

[sticklebrix]

Giles

Sorry, I think my post wasn't very clear and made it sound like my DD had left school and struggled. Actually my DDs are still at their girls' school.

I was replying to BertrandRussell who said that her DD did struggle to socialise with men after school. Bertrand I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on Giles's question too!

I meant to say that I predict that DD1 will struggle socially with boys when she leaves. She finds socialising difficult in general and won't have much experience of being around boys (beyond clubs, job, family etc). DD2's personality means that she will be fine I think. DD1 is thriving at the moment though, very confident and happy. Accepted for who she is. I hope that she will find it easier to deal with the good and bad sides of socialising with men when she's a bit older, is out the other side of puberty and has a few more years' maturity. I'm glad she doesn't have to do it now and is protected from daily sexual harassment at school (which was my experience).

Other than this niggling worry, I thank my lucky stars every day that my DDs have the good fortune to be able to go to a girls' school. They are sporty, scientific (which I wouldn't have predicted), confident, have diverse role models and see their lives as full of potential.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Sorry stickle i.must have mis read

I'm actually finding this thread fascinating I was originally against all girls schools because of the socialization issue and learning to live amongst each other and to deal with the alternate ways of thinking

Now I'm wondering if the only "positive" side of co ed is that you basically learn your place and to put up or shut up alot sooner.

[Lurkedforever1]

Before dd started secondary the single sex aspect was a bit of a negative in my mind. I was aware of the research about stem and girls schools, but dismissed it as relevant to dd individually because of her own personality.

Two years later I see it as a complete positive. I still believe that in a co-ed dd would be loudly refusing to bow to any peer pressure that stem, or football, or anything else was for boys. But at her school the difference is that none of her friends or fellow pupils are either, which is a far more positive environment.

I think too it has opened up areas and opinions between the girls that wouldn't be as easy or natural in a mixed environment.

I do see why for some the lack of socialising with males might cause problems, but in dd's case as well as the fact they do joint activities with the boys, she has male friends and mixed activities outside school.

[sticklebrix]

Now I'm wondering if the only "positive" side of co ed is that you basically learn your place and to put up or shut up alot sooner.

Giles, that was certainly true for me. It probably really all depends on the child and the school though...

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Ironically now I struggle to deal with women im.far more comfortable dealing with men.

Maybe it's because most if the women I meet are far smarter than me and most of the men i meet have been customers (those who aren't friends ) and a smile and a bit of banter and they are happy and far easier to deal with.

[jelliebelly]

I went to an all girls comp and did well academically but hated the female environment and lacked social skills around boys afterwards. My dd is at a mixed school and has loads of boys as friends / is very sporty and enjoys academic success in STEM subjects (it is an independent school though not sure if that makes any difference re sport etc)

[M0stlyBowlingHedgehog]

Giles: I'm kinda wondering if it's because boys were generally some kind of alien species or was it because after years of speaking to and being spoken to by equals it was hard to find your place amongst people used to dealing with people who knew the "rules"

That's a fascinating comment, and has really got me thinking. I said upthread that I didn't think my all girls' school had affected me socially, but actually when I think about it my relationships with men have always been very much on the basis of "being one of the lads", not so much as a conscious thing, but as a default assumption that I am a human being, they are human beings, we just relate to one another as human beings - and I've suddenly wondered whether what I see as "relating as human beings" comes across to them as "trying to be/succeeding in being one of the lads" - i.e. the only way a lot of men can process a woman as an equal is to place her in the "honourary bloke" category (which of course is fucking insulting: I'm musing on this not as an endorsement of that view, but in a trying-to-get-inside-their-heads sort of way).

It would certainly explain why I am so rubbish at getting into relationships (or was - I'm 50s now so that ship has long since sailed) - can't flirt, totally fail to notice men coming on to me nine times out of ten. I have had quite a few relationships, but mostly ones I've kind of stumbled into by accident. This has actually been a blessing - barring a couple of disasters, pretty much all my relationships have been with good friends I also wanted to shag, which is a pretty solid basis for a relationship.

[NoLoveofMine]

I posted my perspective of being at a girls' school, now, in detail.

The OP says most of the opinions are from former pupils and then goes on to say she's being more put off sending her daughter to one.

Literally every word I say is completely ignored.

[nothingishallwant]

I'm in my early 20s btw.

[nothingishallwant]

Also whoever came up with mixed toilets needs a good talking to.