Male feminism

[HardToFindAUsername]

Hi. I'm a bloke (sorry) with 2 sons and a daughter.
I want the best for each of them, obviously.

I've got into an internet bubble where I'm seeing a lot of anti-"rabid"-feminist messages, and I'd like to check whether it's un-balancing my views. I've had a read of a few threads on here and I'm actually worried that my views may perhaps be correct.

Before you read on can I stress that this is a genuine attempt to understand. My current views probably aren't yours, but aren't meant to offend.

As things stand this is what I perceive as feminism:

1. There's a lot of "this [obscure example of something being male] is yet more misogyny". Just because a crash test dummy is male doesn't demonstrate a hatred of women.
2. There's lop-sided comparisons of "the advantages of being male" to the "disadvantages of being female". Pay gap is a good one, I see this as mostly a "personal career preference" issue (and perhaps a "parent penalty")
3. There's loads of generalised criticism, lots of which isn't answerable in the same sound-bite way the criticism is voiced. It comes across to me as wanting to complain, not wanting to improve things.
4. There's no single version of feminism, so some or all of the above may not apply to any individual.

I'm fully expecting some abuse here, which I can take fine, but I am genuinely trying to work out if I should be (more of) a feminist for my daughter's sake, or if the "issues" are being blown out of proportion.

I dont really know what might persuade me (if you even care to do so, I'm not assuming you do/should) - maybe there's an actual situation where (if some part of feminist agenda was in effect at the time) you can describe how your life would be different?

This is a genuine attempt to understand, and whilst I may be challenging I promise to listen and try to see any points you put forward.

Fire away

Apologies. I meant I assume you didn't read the link as it explains about women dying unnecesarily, and that hardly seems trivial.

So your daughter is better at maths than your boys.
In spite of that, she will have to work much harder to be taken seriously when choosing a career, at college, at work.
Your boys will be assumed to be good at serious subjects, given good career advice, taken seriously at work, their opinions listened to - in spite of the fact that they may really be mediocre even. (Not saying they are).

Does that bother you?

She will be steered from algebra to unicorns and makeup her entire life. If she still manages to escape these traps, the kitchen sink is always waiting for her.
She might even choose it - but will it really be a choice or more of a hobsons choice? The parameters of her options will have been set by society not by her. Would it really be a free choice? Today if she dreams about her future does it include the kitchen sink and cleaning her partners dirty washing? If not, why on earth would she choose it later of her own free will? There must be something else at play, no?

I wonder what that is?

Has a male ever posted on the feminism board with a genuine desire to learn?

I have lurked for a while and don't seem to have spotted one yet

Me neither Rufus maybe this will be the one? I'm an optimist. Still not sure what he meant about mumsnet not being how he expected though.

Well, if he was expecting a nest of vipers, he was probably disappointed. Everybody has been so easy on him.

Op when they are older will you be equally happy for your teenage sons and daughter to walk home at 9pm in winter when it's dark.?
If not why not?
What does your wife say about feminism,I assume you've asked her before a load of strangers,my daughter is 14 and boys the same age are already talking the girls down,sexually harassing them.This will happen to your daughter,your son's may treat girls this way especially if their dad doesn't get that it's an issue and 'boys will be boys'.

Rufus.. when Derval first posted he was a bit... grumpy... about women.

However, I take your point, especially with OP's similar to this one. I'm always a bit wary now because I answer questions in good faith, the answers are ignored or a new layer of whataboutery is added and then it all gets a bit silly. I'd like to think that one day there will be a chap who comes along, says he's hear to learn and actually is... maybe this one?

Well he has disappeared now. Maybe gone to bed.

You won't get balanced views in this topic, I'm afraid, OP.

I haven't RTFT but I'm pretty sure the majority will say things are not being blown out of proportion.

So read the full thread. Its not very long.

No thanks. I know how these threads go and I'm not investing in another one.

"balanced views" now there's a thing. A subjective thing.

One could argue that this forum offers the balanced view to patriarchal world and pretty much 90% of the t'interweb (which appears not to worry too much about balanced views but rather the views of Mediocre White Men).

Yep, it's bullshit like that last comment that means I'm hiding this thread now.

Well you didn't have to post on here. And you made a deliberately goody comment.

See even when its going well and fairly peaceful someone must say something. Ah well.

Why not the hide the topic whataboutthis if you've got nothing intelligent to add?

Actually yes

There have been posters like derval, i think he has been around longer than me so i missed him

Apologies to derval and other posters if i have missed them

But my post definitely applies to the latest batch of apparently 'eager to learn' men

It just seems that i read the opening post and usually its fine and then by page 2....at the latest! Its all gone wrong

I tend to lurk on feminist chat to learn ways I need to look out for my daughter and how to combat feminist extremism whilst protecting her from the male centric society. But most men seem to have had a brain bypass on this subject

So far, no men are on the feminist boards so their daughters can learn about feminism.

"I need to look out for my daughter and how to combat feminist extremism"

What on earth do you mean?

Have you never come across it Bertrand Russell
I'll give you an example
My wife is shunned by her feminist friends as she doesn't want to conform to their way of living as a women. When we discussed having a family my wife wanted to be a stay at home parent. Her feminist friends said she was a disgrace to feminists. She was called a hypocrite for wearing make up when she went out to special meetings or events with them even though she normally doesn't.
Albeit this is rare but I have witnessed it first hand and it worries me that my daughter could be forced by a societal change to do only what feminists say which is just as bad as not having a choice due to the patriarchal system we currently have

Just checking- do women shout at you when you hold doors open for them?

Me being on the feminist boards is helping my dad learn more about feminism though as I fill him in on more Bertrand

Dadofgingers, I think the problem there isn't that your wife's friends are "extreme feminists". It's that they're not very nice people.