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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Cat calling

515 replies

Cocklodger · 14/11/2016 13:36

I'm sure this one has been done to death, I don't frequent the board often tbh.
now I hate catcalling. I'm sure every woman has or will experience it. Its not pleasant. It makes me angry and sometimes it scares me,
But today I've seen a post on FB (with someone of a similar view point to me) being ripped into, because
''Its just a compliment''
she's a ''fun sucker''
''I bet she would've REALLY just asked for his number''... Those comments came from women.
Now I, being me decided to defend this person and found the same comments hurled at me. I've now just left it because I've gotten to the point where I can no longer even try to come up with a coherent argument. I have also received personal insults(about my appearance and the fact I'm obviously a bit fat since I was recently pregnant baby under 2wks old)
i just didn't realize how acceptable it was, I genuinely thought it was wildly noted as pretty fucking annoying (If I'm being generous)
I don't even know what to say.
Wtf is wrong with people?
Can someone please reassure me that I'm not wrong? I know I sound bloody pathetic but for some reason finding out how acceptable it is has actually quite scared and shaken me a lot....

OP posts:
LassWiTheDelicateAir · 15/11/2016 20:45

I've never experienced cat calling. I wasn't even aware of the term until I joined MN.

If it is relevant I'm 57 and have lived in cities since I was 18.

scallopsrgreat · 15/11/2016 20:46

Maybe it's because you are willing to make any excuse you can about why men sexually harass and add in a few digs about women while your at it.

FreshwaterSelkie · 15/11/2016 20:46

yonic you naughty thing, I see what you're up to! (and I agree by the way )

His purpose, grow, was to put me in my place. It always is. Either I'm a fuckable object, and I need to be reminded of that, or I'm worthless and I need to be reminded of that, too. He hadn't noticed my husband, so it wasn't for his benefit (and it was also yelled in a language I speak but my husband doesn't, which is also how I was able to defuse the situation - "what did that guy shout?" "Oh, some random shit, doesn't matter, I guess I've still got it, eh? ha ha ha")

scallopsrgreat · 15/11/2016 20:47

Sorry Lass that wasn't to you!

SpeakNoWords · 15/11/2016 20:48

My point is that it is intimidating to be on the receiving end of that sort of street harassment. Men who do it do so because they don't see women as equal people, they see them as lesser, as decorative, inconsequential, there to be used. "Signalling to a husband" is part of that attitude, as is spoiling for a fight (by insulting the husbands "property"? Is that what you meant?). Even thinking they're trying to compliment the women by shouting sexual comments at her shows that they don't think of her as equal. They are not thinking about the woman at all, only about themselves.

And, on what planet is "I'd like to have a go" ever a compliment, rather than threateningly sexual harassment.

YonicProbe · 15/11/2016 20:50

"And, on what planet is "I'd like to have a go" ever a compliment, rather than threateningly sexual harassment."

Well, quite.

SpeakNoWords · 15/11/2016 20:50

I'm really glad you haven't ever been cat called Lass, it's good to know that at least some women haven't experienced it themselves.

Pizanfan · 15/11/2016 20:53

Men who do it do so because they don't see women as equal people

Based on how many years of scientific male psychology research is thi comment based?

Why are people attacking growapear? I've only re read this page, so if he's said something stupid fair enough, but you all seem to be telling him what he and his gender thinks.

scallopsrgreat · 15/11/2016 20:55

Ooh it's like a tag team here.

SpeakNoWords · 15/11/2016 20:56

It's my opinion PizanFan, as I'm sure you know. Please do tell me that I'm wrong, and exactly why you know that's not the case. Please do keep it nice and simple in case I don't follow your complex arguments Smile

sillage · 15/11/2016 20:57

"And what's with all the personal insults that get banded about on here ?"

There are no personal insults here, just people complimenting you in ways you don't understand.

Perhaps if you re-read the thread you'll see that what you falsely perceive as insults are actually expressions of respect for you and your smart wife who chose such a kind man to spend her life with.

RufusTheSpartacusReindeer · 15/11/2016 21:10

When i was very much younger, and slimmer and prettier rather than the statuesque mature woman of the world exterior i have now

I got lots of complements..from friends and other random women Saying "i like your dress" or "that hairstyle really suits you"

I also got loads of complements from random men...whistling, beeping car horns, yelling and one memorable time riding his bike into a lamppost...oops nearly forgot the lip licking complement

Now i am older (and fatter and tired looking) i get loads of complements from my friends and other random women...they like my outfit or my hair or the new eyeshadow

And none from men, except my dh, my daddy and my lovely 13 year old ds

Weird that

Pizanfan · 15/11/2016 21:13

Rufus

Are you saying as you grow, dress differently, and act differently you are treated differently?

growapear · 15/11/2016 21:15

Oh sillage, such wit !!

FreshwaterSelkie · 15/11/2016 21:18

please tell me how i should grow, act and dress in order to become invisible, pizan. i'm all ears.

because it has happened when i'm fatter, thinner, dressed up, in jeans, in sportswear, bundled up in a huge coat. it's happened when i'm going to work, in the street, on public transport, at my workplace. it's happened across twenty countries over thirty years. and you're saying i've brought it on myself with how i look, act and dress??

wtf?

FreshwaterSelkie · 15/11/2016 21:21

Rufus, it's so weird, eh? almost like...some of these people see you as a...whole person or something??

sillage · 15/11/2016 21:21

"Oh sillage, such wit !!"

Thank you, it's so important to be appreciated.

venusinscorpio · 15/11/2016 21:23

And complimented at all times, what woman wouldn't want that Smile

growapear · 15/11/2016 21:23

Lots of women like it sillage and I assume you hone your wit for the benefit of men right ?

RufusTheSpartacusReindeer · 15/11/2016 21:26

pizan

Nope

freshwater

I know.....weird.

FreshwaterSelkie · 15/11/2016 21:27

i just got your post, sillage! Grin v clever.

IAmAmy · 15/11/2016 21:34

Lass I'm glad you haven't but you are very much the exception. I don't want to say "lucky" as it shouldn't be "lucky" for a woman not to have experienced street harassment. As I've said earlier in this thread a couple of times, my friends and I all have, for at least a couple of years now, regularly. It's awful, intimidating, demeaning and a major problem.

venusinscorpio · 15/11/2016 21:36

Sillage's post was beautiful. Even grow got it.

IAmAmy · 15/11/2016 21:36

Oh and as for the suggestion women spend "time and money" to look good for men, that just feeds into the idea women exist to be judged by men and that our worth is approval on our appearance from men. Not only do plenty of women not do so as has been mentioned, but if I make an effort to go out or something then it's for me, to make myself feel good and upbeat about it, and for my friends. If I ever did it for a boy it'd be one I knew not men on the street to shout at me (which is intended to be intimidating not complimentary anyway).

anactualpsychologist · 15/11/2016 21:39

pizan

I have read the whole thread (scanned a few bits) but I couldn't resist pointing out to you your behaviour on this thread. The first half or three quarters of this thread are you dominating other posters, and when they stand up for themselves, you dismiss or belittle them (or both). I actually wondered for a while if you were doing it as a deliberate clever way of demonstrating what it is like to be dominated/belittled by men!

To the same end, you were rattling off inaccurately presented psychology theory and research to gain a superior position to the other posters. Maybe you should reflect on why you needed to do that?

I am a psychologist, working specifically with forensic populations and I'm not sold on your declaration of how you 'fix' the young people you work with either to be frank.

If you want me to prattle on about how psychology would explain catcalls, I'll give it a whirl, but what really struck me was your attitude and approach!