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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Do women use certain terms to 'shame' certain types of men?

639 replies

Enzouk · 14/10/2016 23:58

Just wondering about female perspectives on this. I increasingly hear women calling guys 'creepy' as a shaming tactic..generally I think that the women doing so do it only if they don't find the man attractive. Where as they will pander to a guy who is physically attractive to thrm they will hate on a guy who acts the exact same way who physically is not attractive to them. I have seen women do it in front of groups of friends in a sort of 'lets put this guy in his place' way. Thoughts? And what do you think of women who do this?

Also, i suppose on similar lines...are women more shallow than men with regards to physical attraction?

OP posts:
Shiningexample · 15/10/2016 01:03

I hope no women in my family talk/act like you do anyway
I'm sure they're all very obedient and wouldnt dare disrespect you by doing anything that displeases you or that you find unladylike

scallopsrgreat · 15/10/2016 01:04

No no no MsTerryPratchett. Women aren't allowed to be autonomous with thoughts and feelings of their own. Those must be dictated to by a man.

And if you think I'm going to click on a link from a website called "tinderseduction" you've got another thing coming.

scallopsrgreat · 15/10/2016 01:05

Grin doves ongoing

Indeed!

scallopsrgreat · 15/10/2016 01:06

dovesong Bloody autocorrect

OliviaBensonOnAGoodDay · 15/10/2016 01:06

I don't know what you think that link proves. Conventionally good looking man has better than average luck on casual hook up app. Who'd have thought it?

It doesn't prove that it's okay for men to force unwanted attention on women in public spaces.

Lorelei76 · 15/10/2016 01:06

The term friend zone freaks me out for so many reasons....

clumsyduck · 15/10/2016 01:06

Op as I said yes I will not deny that i do if only partially admit Iv seen this when very young and before I had more of an understanding of the world I guess for want of a better phrase !! I think the issue is what you see as a harmless " why shouldn't he try his luck " I don't know, i don't think that's the whole story , it's the persistence . It's the fact we must be " stuck up " if we don't want to get into conversation or that if we do engage in conversation or accept a drink we must be "well up for it "and then labelled a tease when we don't want to move on past a brief friendly conversation etc etc etc seriously it's a minefield !! We can't win !

Also as others have said men are exactly the same they'll just use different terms ! If a women were to approach a group of guys on a night out for example if they weren't sexually interested in her she would be equally fobbed off no doubt with derogatory talk about her looks as soon as she turned her back !!

MagikarpetRide · 15/10/2016 01:07

op ots becoming clear that your way of dealing with women is coming across as creepy. That's not derogative, it just means you can't read the signs that you;re invading someone's space.

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 15/10/2016 01:08

Tinder is about meeting up for sex

what has that got to do with women being approached in social situations

scallopsrgreat · 15/10/2016 01:09

Your sense of entitlement is shining through, Enzo. Like a Belisha beacon.

Original poster
Enzouk · 15/10/2016 01:09

I think you lot are misreading what i've said...of course women are not allowed to be attracted to certain men. I am talking about when they respond in a very bitchy manner to the point of shaming him, to a man who approaches her/tries to chat her up or even merely says hello ....but then responds positively to another man who acts in exactly the same way (or maybe even more directly).

And to reiterate...i have a girlfriend...i am not learning 'pua' stuff! What prompted me was the link i saw (above) which got me thinking about nights out.

OP posts:
OliviaBensonOnAGoodDay · 15/10/2016 01:10

This thread is more proof, not that we needed it, than in 2016 public spaces STILL belong to men.

Today of all days. I despair.

Shiningexample · 15/10/2016 01:12

Conventionally good looking man has better than average luck on casual hook up app. Who'd have thought it?
surely you can see how unfair it is on the other men, women insisting on only having sex with men that they find attractive, dont you realise that because of women's selfishness with their sexual favours some men dont get any sex
Women, should be kind and generous and always consider the feelings of men, they should stop being so judgmental and think about mens feeling.
After all men do have a right to sex

scallopsrgreat · 15/10/2016 01:12

I think you lot are misreading what i've said...of course women are not allowed to be attracted to certain men No really we aren't. That typo, right there, is spot on Grin

Original poster
Enzouk · 15/10/2016 01:14

Clumsyduck..i already thanked you for being honest. I asked a question and got a response. Others who clearly have a chip on the shoulder (a whole plate of chips it seems) think it is normal behaviour to tell someone to F off etc. I mean one of those even has a swear word in their username which speaks volumes about them.

OP posts:
JenLindleyShitMom · 15/10/2016 01:14

but then responds positively to another man who acts in exactly the same way (or maybe even more directly).

No two people act in exactly the same way. There are differences in behaviour, some very subtle, that give away plenty about what a person intends. Women become experts at reading these giveaways because the risks of not reading the signs are so huge it's vital that we are able to tell the creeps from what we hope are the ones who won't stick their hand up our skirt because we smiled at them at the bar.

scallopsrgreat · 15/10/2016 01:14

Oh 'bitchy' now? Thankfully the men I live with onto use words like that. Because they respect women. Pot. Kettle. Black.

Shiningexample · 15/10/2016 01:15

I am talking about when they respond in a very bitchy manner to the point of shaming him
a put down from a mere woman
to a man with a status deficit that must feel sharper than a serpents tooth

clumsyduck · 15/10/2016 01:16

No op I do get you but ultimately as others have said women will find men attractive or not ... Conventional looks aside ... On face value , a night out sort of situation based purely on looks some men will seem attractive others not and women the same as men will be more likely to respond to and engage with someone they are attracted to . And for some reason some men just can't accept this despite these men them selfs having their own preferences looks wise with women and their own ability to turn down or ignore women who may be interested in them .

This is were the problem lies , this acceptance . This is why women may seem defensive to men approaching . It certainly would be why I appear that way . As I said above , we can't win ! We ignore - were stuck up . We've put you in the friendZone blah blah. We engage - were deffo up for it . It's boring !!

Original poster
Enzouk · 15/10/2016 01:16

Again...you are missing the point with that link. It's not about conventionally 'good looking' guy getting sex easily. It's about that good looking guy being as obnoxious as possible/being creepy/assuming attraction etc and women still responding positively. Which is massive hypocrisy if you think about it and is why I say that I think 'creepy' is a bit of a meaningless shaming word used by a lot of women today.

OP posts:
Shiningexample · 15/10/2016 01:17

I mean one of those even has a swear word in their username which speaks volumes about them
hahahaha
you're not from round these parts are you:o

JenLindleyShitMom · 15/10/2016 01:18

Imagine someone being bitchy to you! That's horrendous. That's just about the worst thing I've ever heard happening to a person on a night out.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/10/2016 01:18

Try this OP, if you really don't understand... it's a choose your own adventure!

Man approaches you. You don't find him attractive. He chats to you. Do you try subtle stuff? It's ignored. You act cold and mean? You're a bitch.

You're paid a compliment. Do you say, "thanks I know"? You're a stuck up cow. Do you shake your head? You have low self esteem.

Man buys you a drink. Do you refuse? You're a joyless bitch. You accept but don't drink it and don't sleep with him? You're a user and money grabbing. You do drink it? Oops, spiked! Game over.

I could write fucking thousands of these. All of which are a possibly. Maybe if you look like Hugh Jackman the risk is worth it for me.

Lorelei76 · 15/10/2016 01:18

OP women deal with unwanted approaches for years and years and years.
If I show a guy I'm not interested in chatting and he persists, following up with "fuck off" is the quickest way to get rid of them. Honestly, ask your GF, the number that just won't quit, it's my second response. It saves a lot of time and bother.

JenLindleyShitMom · 15/10/2016 01:19

NOBODY IS MISSING YOUR POINT