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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Do women use certain terms to 'shame' certain types of men?

639 replies

Enzouk · 14/10/2016 23:58

Just wondering about female perspectives on this. I increasingly hear women calling guys 'creepy' as a shaming tactic..generally I think that the women doing so do it only if they don't find the man attractive. Where as they will pander to a guy who is physically attractive to thrm they will hate on a guy who acts the exact same way who physically is not attractive to them. I have seen women do it in front of groups of friends in a sort of 'lets put this guy in his place' way. Thoughts? And what do you think of women who do this?

Also, i suppose on similar lines...are women more shallow than men with regards to physical attraction?

OP posts:
Kr1stina · 15/10/2016 00:49

Telling women how to act

Also creepy

venusinscorpio · 15/10/2016 00:49

Swearing is very unladylike. It's upsetting the OP.

JenLindleyShitMom · 15/10/2016 00:49

Some people need to learn to speak properly.

And some people need to learn to behave properly. Which means recognising when you aren't welcome and accepting it isn't a problem with the female population. She just isn't that into you. Move on.

dovesong · 15/10/2016 00:50

We don't have to speak in a way that you think is "proper". Swearing at someone like you is entirely rational.

yellowflags · 15/10/2016 00:50

From what you are saying, it sounds like you are approaching women in bars because you want to talk or flirt with them. Have you considered that they might not want to talk or flirt with you, or indeed anyone? If you are trying to do it anyway, that's creepy because it makes women feel like you are not able to respect or understand them as human beings who have their own lives to lead. If you are trying to blame the women for the fact that they don't want to talk to you then that is extra creepy, because then it's clear that you are imagining women exist to respond to your feelings. Rather than as human beings who have their own lives to lead.

How did you end up on this message board? Feminists don't tend to self organise so that we can talk about how to make men feel better. It's not that we don't care, just that there are lots of spaces (the whole world) that cater for men's feelings

Shiningexample · 15/10/2016 00:50

Men who use the term friendZone eughhh it makes my blood boil
oh have a heart Clumsy he works so very hard on his 'game' devotes so much energy to trying to manipulate women into having sex with him, surely you can imagine how exasperating it must be when you are friendzoned and that particular sexual conquest is now denied to you...after all the effort you put in

OliviaBensonOnAGoodDay · 15/10/2016 00:51

I'm not exactly shy of talking to people. Why should any man or woman be more to the point?

Can you honestly not see why not? Despite everything we've shared with you - our experiences, opinions, and quotes from respected writers that illustrate our points?

Lorelei76 · 15/10/2016 00:51

OP if a good looking guy uses a sleazy line or keeps chatting when it's been clear no one wants to talk to him, yes, we call creepy regardless of what he looks like

Creepy is about behaviour not looks.

scallopsrgreat · 15/10/2016 00:52

Woahhh ...didnt expect that response. Yes you did.

its just a discussion. Says the man. Except it isn't just a discussion for women. It's our life. The unwanted attention - we get it all the time. The creepy guys - we get it all the time. Dealing with men's sense of entitlement - all the fucking time.

Take your 'discussion' with you when you leave.

Shiningexample · 15/10/2016 00:52

Some people need to learn to speak properly
listen up!
a man has spoken
thats us all told we'll mind our ps and qs now and no mistake yessir

Original poster
Enzouk · 15/10/2016 00:54

Clumsyduck..thank you for being the only one to admit that...partially...regardless.. That is what i am saying. My thread was more about the term 'creepy' used as a shaming tactic and i wanted to see if women would admit that they had at least seen that happen. Like what is wrong with some poor guy trying his luck with a girl...does he deserve to be shamed because the girls find him 'ugly'?

Shiningexample..actually i've had a lovely girlfriend and have been 'out of the game' for nearly a year now bur i see this behaviour all the time from women towards mates and other randoms when i do go out and it still bothers me.

Tinklylittlelaugh...think abour what you just said!!: "Attention from a man you find attractive will be welcome. Attention from a man you do not, will feel quite threatening." You're basically saying that the diference between a man being 'threatening' is whether he has a pretty smile and good body. Said man could be a serial killer for all you know and the other guy be the nicest man in the world!

OP posts:
venusinscorpio · 15/10/2016 00:55

I might not be shy of talking to people either. I just might not want to talk to you. I might have better things to do with my time. Amazing as that must seem.

scallopsrgreat · 15/10/2016 00:55

I think your girlfriend may need a little feminism in her life

#justsaying

JenLindleyShitMom · 15/10/2016 00:57

Sounds like your spending a lot of time watching women. Maybe that has something to do with them thinking you are creepy.

Original poster
Enzouk · 15/10/2016 00:57

Dovesong...jenLindley....if you think that swearing/abusing someone for merely asking a question is ok then perhaps the anger you hold is a result of people not liking the way you talk/act towards them. I hope no women in my family talk/act like you do anyway.

OP posts:
scallopsrgreat · 15/10/2016 00:57

And no tinklylittlelaugh didn't say that. She said men you find attractive. She didn't say what attractive looks like to her. Also women are allowed to not find some men attractive. Some women don't find any men attractive Shock.

JenLindleyShitMom · 15/10/2016 00:58

I hope no women in my family talk/act like you do anyway.

What about the men in your family?

TinklyLittleLaugh · 15/10/2016 00:58

Well no Enzouk you are assuming here that being attractive is a matter of how someone looks. For me it is about how someone presents themselves, what they have to say for themselves, much more than just the packaging. A pretty face and biceps don't particularly do it for me.

clumsyduck · 15/10/2016 00:59

Well of course shining !! I know , I should be more understanding ! I mean why wouldn't a women want to have sex just based on the fact that the man wants to have sex with them ?!?! Who cares if they actually fancy the bloke or not we should just be flattered right ?? Grin

I guess I have "friendZoned " 95 percent of the men I know ! They don't seem to mind though I guess they grasp that before the term "friendZone" it was just called good old fashioned "friends" "aquaintences" and " work colleagues" you know members of the opposite sex who I can be around / have conversations with without shagging!! How novel

OliviaBensonOnAGoodDay · 15/10/2016 01:00

I hope no women in my family talk/act like you do anyway.

Bloody women, having opinions, disagreeing with me, not listening to me when I tell them what to think, feel and do.

Original poster
Enzouk · 15/10/2016 01:01

Ok i'm gonna post what prompted me to post this thread after i saw it online tonight..

Given the completely aggressive responses so far i'm guessing this is going to get a defensive reaction but to me it shows the halo effect in action and reminded me of what i've seen on nights out... You'll need to take a few mins to read it properly.

www.tinderseduction.com/male-model-tinder-case-study/

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 15/10/2016 01:01

Are women now not allowed to find some men more attractive because of how they look? Really? I presume the same isn't true of men. They're still allowed to judge us totally based on our looks, right?

There are plenty of ugly men who can chat to women in clubs and bars. The night I met my DH I was chatting to his ugly mate first. He started talking to me to check if I was OK after I was sexually harassed by another man. I knew he wasn't creepy. Because he was a decent human being who was worried about my safety.

Women IME have fairly well tuned creep radar. Honed by years of nasty, harassing men who won't take a bloody hint. Or listen when women say how they feel. Remind you of anyone?

Shiningexample · 15/10/2016 01:01

You're basically saying that the diference between a man being 'threatening' is whether he has a pretty smile and good body

if someone who you find attractive approaches you, you'll respond positively
if someone you find unattractive approaches you then you will respond negatively in a way that tells him you are not interested.
If he persists despite that fact that you are clearly not interested in then that is what makes him creepy, the fact that he is forcing unwanted attention on you

Kr1stina · 15/10/2016 01:02

Enzo - the more you post, the clearer it becomes why you are having little success when you try to converse with women

dovesong · 15/10/2016 01:03

It has given me a thrill of utter delight that OP doesn't like the way I talk. I'm clearly saying the right things.