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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Do women use certain terms to 'shame' certain types of men?

639 replies

Enzouk · 14/10/2016 23:58

Just wondering about female perspectives on this. I increasingly hear women calling guys 'creepy' as a shaming tactic..generally I think that the women doing so do it only if they don't find the man attractive. Where as they will pander to a guy who is physically attractive to thrm they will hate on a guy who acts the exact same way who physically is not attractive to them. I have seen women do it in front of groups of friends in a sort of 'lets put this guy in his place' way. Thoughts? And what do you think of women who do this?

Also, i suppose on similar lines...are women more shallow than men with regards to physical attraction?

OP posts:
scallopsrgreat · 18/10/2016 09:24

"Women do have the upper hand dating wise generally..." I think it's been mentioned already on this thread but when it comes to online dating women are scared that men will kill them, men are scared women will be fat. Which suggests the upper hand to you? Which suggests the shallow behaviour?

scallopsrgreat · 18/10/2016 09:26

I had to look up what incel meant! So a bloke doesn't have sex for a while and that is because women are shallow. I would suggest, if anything, the opposite were true. Women were more choosy. Especially with regards the men who have graced their presence on this thread!

Marbleheadjohnson · 18/10/2016 09:29

My non creepy male friends call that "a dry patch". It's a bit less drama queen than incel.

Marbleheadjohnson · 18/10/2016 09:58

"Women do have the upper hand dating wise generally and even more so surely now with online dating where they can just choose their guy"

Also a massive fucking lol. I've been online dating for quite some time and it never gets anywhere, I haven't been able to say "I'll have that one please" and live happily ever after. I'm still single but I am not angry at the world about it - meeting someone you're compatible with is a game of luck.

"Being able to get sex more easily" does not equal "the upper hand in dating"

I've been on dates with all sorts of guys - a 5'6 one with very thick glasses, a 5'8 gorgeous guy with muscles, a guy who was quite overweight and 6ft tall. The idea that only 6'3 adonises get dates is laughable.

Also, I notice you make no comment on the filtering these guys in bars have already done. They're going to make a beeline for the one they want to have sex with. They'd probably have more luck if they were open minded about who they approach.

Shiningexample · 18/10/2016 10:03

The idea that women can get sex easily is neither here nor there. I can shave my head easily, but I don't want to do it
Lmao 😂

Dervel · 18/10/2016 10:27

I have still somehow managed to get positive female attention when at my most overweight, poor and scruffy looking. I really don't recognize this blanket description of women at all.

I mean sure I'm sure some women are shallow, just as some men are creepy, but if your type happens to be exclusively shallow women, then you've got the problem.

If you behave like nothing more than a set of cock and balls, you're objectifying yourself as much as your objectifying women. Have some self respect and maybe more women will have respect for you.

Also if you are open and relaxed people will approach you more. I have a particularly close female friend, who will poke fun at me in that when we're out and she pops away for a moment she'll almost always come back to find me nattering with someone.

If you're moving through a room exclusively talking to all the good looking women, it actually looks a little absurd, and tells anyone all they need to know about you. If however you just relax and speak to a wide variety of people (who are open to it obvs!), then that sends out an entirely different message. People notice.

You'll also find more people approach you and I'll bet you a pound to a penny eventually one of them will be these stunners you covet so bloody much, no matter what you look like.

However be warned, I'll leave you with one of the arguments of Socrates if you love something as ephemeral and impermanent as beauty, when that beauty fades so does your affection. If you love something more robust like mind or soul it can last as long as you do. Yes it's nice to be desired, but it's not the only facet of the human experience. Grow up and learn about the others...

scallopsrgreat · 18/10/2016 12:29

Is the statement that women can get more sex even true? Personally I don't view men and women as interchangeable fuck toys. So I don't particularly want to have sex with 99.9% of the population. Finding someone I want to have sex with is a pretty difficult task.

If, however, you don't much care who you are having sex with, providing they are alive and pass the patriarchal fuckability test (optional) then in fact you probably have a wider pool.

I'm always sceptical when men say women have an easier time of getting sex. What they are really saying is the women I want to fuck don't want to fuck me, but but but I should be having sex with them. It all a bit rapey. Like the sense of entitlement CE and CM showed.

HillaryFTW · 18/10/2016 12:34

"They're going to make a beeline for the one they want to have sex with."

Yup, I was thinking that.

HillaryFTW · 18/10/2016 12:36

Isn't "involuntarily celibate" a contradiction in terms? To me, celibate has always struck me as meaning an active choice.

"Dry patch" or "quiet patch" sounds like a better descriptor, I agree!

Shiningexample · 18/10/2016 12:37

It's true IMO that in general it is easier for a woman to find a man who will agree to NSA sex

But finding a man who you find attractive, feel comfortable with and with whom the sex is mutually enjoyable, that's not so easy

Marbleheadjohnson · 18/10/2016 12:39

"Is the statement that women can get more sex even true? Personally I don't view men and women as interchangeable fuck toys. So I don't particularly want to have sex with 99.9% of the population. Finding someone I want to have sex with is a pretty difficult task."

Yup scallops. Essentially, if you are going to be indiscriminate about it, it's pretty easy to find casual sex.

BertrandRussell · 18/10/2016 12:43

Not sure "mutually enjoyable" is much of a consideration here..........

Shiningexample · 18/10/2016 12:51

Finding a women who will allow a random man to masturbate into her is bound to be a long shot for a man
Unless there's an exchange of money what's in it for her?

KickAssAngel · 18/10/2016 12:59

People thinking that it's easier for women to go shopping for a guy find it easier than men, do see the basic flaw in their argument? Women are 51% of the population. Unless anyone is saying that men are just in a permanent state of gagging for it, then it takes two to tango, and that means the chances of finding a hook-up or partner are pretty even.

scallopsrgreat · 18/10/2016 13:10

Not sure "mutually enjoyable" is much of a consideration here..........

Yup agreed!

scallopsrgreat · 18/10/2016 13:11

And yy to the numbers not adding up KickAss

Datun · 18/10/2016 13:17

Ha ! KickAssAngel

I was just going to say the same thing. For every woman who is having sex, presumably a man is too.

Marbleheadjohnson · 18/10/2016 13:23

Ladies, don't be silly, think critically here. Those women who are getting sex are all sleeping with one very sexy man. And that one very sexy man is sleeping with all types of women - tall, short, thin, fat, curvy, muscly, blonde, redhead, stunning, plain...

Shiningexample · 18/10/2016 13:36

When it comes to casual sex yes, a minority of men will have a high partner number and the majority will be much lower, there is a long tail distribution curve

There is no flaw in the argument, men and women differ (on average) in their willingness to have casual sex

Shiningexample · 18/10/2016 13:39

A woman who wants NSA sex has a large field of willing men to choose from

Such women are a minority among women, a man who wants NSA sex is in the majority of men, he has only a small field of willing women and a lot of competition from other men

VestalVirgin · 18/10/2016 13:41

Ladies, don't be silly, think critically here. Those women who are getting sex are all sleeping with one very sexy man. And that one very sexy man is sleeping with all types of women - tall, short, thin, fat, curvy, muscly, blonde, redhead, stunning, plain...

Can you perhaps introduce that guy to me? Apparently I am, again, the one woman who didn't get the memo and actually found it hard to get sex.
(He is good in bed, right? Because a man using you to masturbate into doesn't count as "sex" in my book.)

If so many guys are 'incel' then doesn't it follow that women are being shallow?

No, it follows that the men are being shallow. Even if we assumed that the ugliest woman on earth still doesn't want to have sex with an ugly man ... there's still your fellow "incels". Don't be shallow and reject them just because they're male.

Marbleheadjohnson · 18/10/2016 13:42

VestalVirgin, he's on Tinder and OK Cupid apparently. All of us on there are picking Mr Sexy and ignoring all the Plain Johns.

Marbleheadjohnson · 18/10/2016 13:43

And we don't care whether he's good in bed. We only care what he looks like so we can steal his genes Confused
Confused
Confused

scallopsrgreat · 18/10/2016 13:43

I think as well, these claims that women have an easier time of it are thinking about a very narrow band of women - young, slim, attractive, probably white, perceived to be 'available', with good teeth (sorry couldn't resist the last one!).

And yes that very well may be the case. However, that is quite a small number of women in the grand scheme of things and not all of them will want casual sex. So what they are really saying is attractive women find available sex easier to come by just like errr more attractive men. And there we come full circle round to the OP again. Joys.