Very sad article about porn and how it affects relationships for young women

[Italiangreyhound]

Interesting and deeply saddening article about porn and how it affects relationships for young women.

fightthenewdrug.org/sex-before-kissing-15-year-old-girls-dealing-with-boys/

Hi Italien

No I'm not a mum. I just like to hang out here for the chat sometimes

I like the feminism threads - I've learned a lot. And the relationships board. I don't want to blow my own trumpet but I was able to recognise my friends partner being abusive and direct her to the cycle of abuse info that's been linked to on here many times. If I'd not been hanging around here I don't think I would have known the extent of it.

She later told me it was the most helpful thing anyone had done during that time because she had no idea/thought it was all her fault etc etc.

I've also read a few feminist books linked to on here and passed them on to friends - I think it's been an eye opener for all of us (our group of friends) - being able to articulate and define feminism and how the rampant misogyny still exists. Not just from being on here - there's a lot of postings and info hats come from from social media in the last few years which I think can only be a good thing. It reaches a lot of people.

I think although I didn't say "rape" I did say assault and consent issues which I realise is skirting the issue a bit but I don't feel I should tell her how to interpret it type thing. It's up to her and her feelings I guess. I don't know if that's right or not.

I was quite that she was thinking of warning a new female staff member who might have to work one on one with him but still felt it wasn't really something to go to the police about.

notrevealingmyidentity I tend to agree that we cannot tell someone they were raped. We can point out sex without consent is rape and let them join the dots. Unless we really feel we need to say it to them! Mostly women I have spoken to about this are 30s, 40s or older and they can frame what happened in realistic terms but MAYBE when they were younger, or still involved with the man, they would have described it differently. The act has not changed but the perception has. Sometimes age might make things less clear. I would be interested to know if sometimes with these 'issues' if age brings clarity. Eg your friend could see the abusive relationship for what it was maybe fully when she was out of it!

I feel like she knows really but doesn't want it to have been IYSWIM.

Who knows maybe in 5 years she will feel differently.

Friend in abusive relationship def realised more and more as time passed and she talked about things and read about the experiences of other women in similar relationships.

I'm glad there's so much info out there - it made her realise it's a classic pattern of behaviour and nothing to do with her.

Notrevealingmyidentity just keep on being a good friend to them if you can. Knowledge is power. Mumsnet has some very good uses.