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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Very sad article about porn and how it affects relationships for young women

181 replies

Italiangreyhound · 07/04/2016 22:37

Interesting and deeply saddening article about porn and how it affects relationships for young women.

fightthenewdrug.org/sex-before-kissing-15-year-old-girls-dealing-with-boys/

OP posts:
imwithspud · 08/04/2016 17:13

Whoops, not sure what happened witht he bolding there.

booklooker · 08/04/2016 17:16

Porn can be damaging. It's about time we started acknowledging that, rather than sweeping it under the rug because 'every man does it'.

This is why the discussion needs to be in Chat

BertrandRussell · 08/04/2016 17:20

Please can someone who isn't me or anyone else who posts a lot about porn and feminism start a thread about this in "Chat"?

booklooker · 08/04/2016 17:23

Bertrand, I do not always agree with you But surely you have the respect of others.

And your name will encourage others to open and comment

AnyFucker · 08/04/2016 17:27

I am not sure my username will be any better received in chat on this subject but I will have a go now I am on my pc

AnyFucker · 08/04/2016 17:33

linky

BadDoGooder · 08/04/2016 17:35

AF if you can't I will, I'm relatively new and I don't think regulars will see it and immediately think "hairy feminist" Grin
(but it won't last for long, I hang about this board way too much)

BadDoGooder · 08/04/2016 17:36

Oops cross post!
See you on the other thread. ...

Lottapianos · 08/04/2016 17:42

Have posted on your new thread AF, thanks for starting

Aveiam · 08/04/2016 17:42

I have such a messed up relationship with sex, and men in general.
When I was 13 a 15year old boy at school said he would 'be my boyfriend' if I had sex with him.
He made me give him oral sex and filmed it. Sent it round to the whole school.
Boys would expect sex in all sorts of ways, oral, vaginal etc, expect to be able to film it etc.
One boy sat his dog outside the door and forced me to have sex with him or he would set the dog on me.
One boy brought 3 of his friends with him and told me I had to have sex with all of them.
I then went on to sleep around as I felt like that was all I could do; everyone hated me and I wanted to be liked. By the time I was 16 I had slept with 27 year olds.
When I was 16 I got into my first abusive relationship; broke up with him and got into my second abusive relationship.
It has completely and utterly messed me up.
We need to be having open, honest, empowering conversations with girls as early as we can.

Aveiam · 08/04/2016 17:51

They were all porn watchers, especially my ex who made me watch porn and re enact what we had watched.
He also used to wake me up having sex with me.
None of these things were things I even questioned because I have been so accustomed to this treatment.

AnyFucker · 08/04/2016 17:52

I am sorry for your experiences, Ave

Are things better now ?

Aveiam · 08/04/2016 17:53

I keep posting without meaning to-
I feel very strongly about giving teenagers the power to choose with wisdom behind them.

Mishaps · 08/04/2016 17:54

dependadultundergarment - your post makes me want to ask why you did these things if you did not like them or approve of them. Just say NO!

This is the crux of the problem - that women allow this to happen and do not tell the guy to hop on his bike and cycle off into the sunset. I can understand young girls not knowing how to deal with it - and yes that is where education comes in - but grown adult women - what can they be thinking of?

Aveiam · 08/04/2016 17:54

Thank you AnyFucker,
Things aren't good at the moment but that's more depression that anything. I'm not with anyone abusive anymore- my ex got locked up. So better, but in myself rubbish x

AnyFucker · 08/04/2016 17:55

Post as much as you like, Ave

AnyFucker · 08/04/2016 17:56

Mishaps, you don't think that the crux of the problem is that men treat us like this in the first place ?

That's a pretty blatant example of victim blaming, right there

Women, it's your own fault you get treated like shit by men. They obviously have no control over their own behaviour. Gah.

Aveiam · 08/04/2016 17:58

Mishaps- it is not always a 'just say no' situation

Aveiam · 08/04/2016 17:59

Thank you AnyFucker (I love your name)

AnyFucker · 08/04/2016 18:00

Thanks, it's not a rude name or meant to be offensive. It just means I could simply be Any Fucker, like any of us on here could Smile

AnyFucker · 08/04/2016 18:01

I am sorry you are depressed, Ave. I hope you are getting some support from somewhere x

Aveiam · 08/04/2016 18:02

I saw a Gp today ha and have been given sedatives and anti depressants again but it's a very dark bit x

AnyFucker · 08/04/2016 18:03
Thanks
LilacSpunkMonkey · 08/04/2016 18:06

This all makes me angry too.

My daughter is 14 and I think (hope) I'm empowering her plenty. I do my bit at work too. I work in a primary school and get lots of the older girls come to me with their issues. The stuff I've had to feed upwards is shocking, the things boys have said to these girls, the expectations from their mothers to 'attract' boys, even at such a young age, the pressure to have a boyfriend or state which boy you like best. It's wrong, they're children.

I'm worried about my son's though, more than anything. DS1 starts secondary school in September. He's had 'girlfriends', which means nothing to him. They're just female friends. He's sent the occasional Valentine's card and bought chocolates for Christmas. But the porn will start being bandied around in Y7 won't it? And all the sex talk? Where do I start with him? When do I start? He's sensitive about things but does open up to me.

As for the pornification of society, that thread yesterday was shocking. About why women work in porn. It was seen as a joke by plenty. 'Because they love sex' was a common answer. 'I'd be a porn star lol' was thrown around too. How do you tackle attitudes like that? And how many of the 'lollers' have children that they're damaging with these attitudes?

AnyFucker · 08/04/2016 18:07

It's very hard to tackle innate and home grown stupidity, tbh

Like you said, best to start 'em young with getting the right messages in

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