Very sad article about porn and how it affects relationships for young women

[Italiangreyhound]

Interesting and deeply saddening article about porn and how it affects relationships for young women.

fightthenewdrug.org/sex-before-kissing-15-year-old-girls-dealing-with-boys/

Ignore me Italian. I've reread what you said! Yes I think we are on the same page .

Yes scallopsrgreat we are on same page . 100% it is more the responsibility of the boys if they are pushing for unsafe/unconcesual sex etc. But I also personally want girls involved in the conversations and aware, but I do think we are on same page and sorry for my confusion about an earlier comment!

My kids duck face to mean they are angry! Anyone who calls an 11 year old slutty is an A-hole surely!

scallops I was referring to the thread in AIBU which Lilac mentioned on page 4 of this threadcand referred to the fact posters were using those terms.

I suggest you read that thread and give the posters there who used those terms about little girls the (unnecessary) telling off you have just given me.

I saw this article a week or so ago and the issues it raises have not left my mind since. I wrote twice to my MP to support the bill for compulsory relationship and sex education and he was not interested in addressing my concerns. I was really saddened how little media coverage the proposed bill got. I think so few people give a shit about it because they think sexual relationships between teenage boys and girls are the same as they have always been - the way things were when they were at school in the 70s/80s/90s and don't see it as a big deal. I don't know what else to do, but I feel powerless as an individual. It seems to me that this should be the sort of thing a Mumsnet campaign backs.

Bryt we are not powerless, and well done for writing to you MP. I did not hear about that bill, can you say more. Who started it, has it happened, what happened, can you update us and link to any articles and also to any petitions about this.

We need to start sharing resources ad stop saying that there is nothing we can do. We elect MPs, we pay taxes, or we are part of families that do, we raise kids, or we are in touch with those who do; we can all do something - really we can do something!

You can read more here
www.plan.org.au/learn/who-we-are/blog/2016/03/02/dont-send-me-that-pic

I;ve not downloaded the report but there is a link to it there to do so.

I wonder if any suitable reports and surveys have been done in the UK. I found the BMJ one, frankly, wimpy!

Anti porn website
www.antipornography.org/home.html

"Pornography is directly linked to sex trafficking. It normalizes degradation and violence as acceptable and even inevitable parts of sex, and it uses the bodies of real women and children as its raw material. The difference between pornography and erotica is clear in the words themselves porne means females slaves, eros mean love and we can see that pornography, like rape, is about violence and domination not sex. Millions of lives depend on our ability to untangle pornography from erotica, violence from sexuality."

Gloria Steinem, 2005

Italiangreyhound - I'm not that clear on government bills and who is who but are some snippets of what I was referring to: the private members bill presented by Caroline Lucas calling for PSHE and age-appropriate sex and relationship education to be mandatory in all primary and secondary schools www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/caroline-lucas/sex-education-green-party_b_6758104.html

The Education Select Committee recommended statutory PSHE and Sex and Relationship Education in 2015 www.sexeducationforum.org.uk/policy-campaigns/education-select-committee-report.aspx

March 2016 - Nicky Morgan refuses to make PSHE compulsory in schools

Quote from the Chief Executive of the PSHE Association ""What is most baffling about this decision is that the Government has a range of objectives it seeks to achieve through PSHE education, including teaching pupils to stay safe online, promoting children and young people’s mental health and preventing radicalisation, child sexual exploitation and violence against women and girls.

"Its decision not to address a status quo in which these issues are addressed by untrained teachers in inadequate curriculum time – or left off the curriculum altogether – is self-defeating and leaves vulnerable young people at risk"

Thanks for all the links provided Italiangreyhound. My own DDs are in Y8 and Y5. I plan to to share the original article with the DD1's school and try to find out how good their SRE is.

SRE? Thanks Bryt

I've got one in Year Six and one in Year One.

Any tips for going up to secondary school re this stuff, please share or PM me?

Thnaks

Sex and relationship education.
I don't have any tips. Anyone else? I think it is fair to ask these questions of our children's schools.

I'm not sure whether to approach the primary school. The HT already dislikes me for kicking up a fuss about girls' sports at the school. However, last school disco, my jaw dropped to the floor at the sight of how many girls, Y3 and up were dressed in a sexualised way. High heels, miniature versions of celebrity style party dresses, full make-up with wing tips (is that the right word?). Quite a shift in just 2 years since DD1 left and you'd see some lowish 'heels', a touch of make-up and regular fashionable preteen outfits.

What age is Y3 Not everyone is familiar with the English school system. "Y3" could be P3 (7) or S3 (15) thanks

Year 3 in the English system is about 7.

Talked to dd tonight, she was mortified and clearly knew nothing! I know when she is lying, very sly eye movements. I will return to this occasionally, her responses gave me some peace of mind. he is not yet 11 and a half, what a society!

She

that's HQ allowing sexualised talk about young girls. Really inspires confidence, doesn't it?

That's really disappointing! Did they not even appear on the thread to steer the conversation?

Ave I'm so sorry for your experiences and hope you're now living a life you feel empowered with.

Damp I'm just shocked that you experienced that to be honest. Sorry for you too. The expectation of some of these men is scary. Would they have stopped if you said no to unprotected sex for example? No respect for your health or fertility.

PP's have already said it. The key is educating our children, boys and girls to have independent minds. To respect other people. Basic humanity. To understand mutual consent.

I succumbed to peer pressure and lost my virginity early - I don't know how my mother could have prevented that but what she did teach me was about safe sex, yes/no and boundaries. Children will not always make the right choices but parents should give them the right tools.

This thread has upset me actually. Hearing about some of the experiences

Posters have asked why girls and women don't refuse.

This is a tumblr that has many examples of what happens to women when they refuse men.

A warning that the tumblr post is harrowing.

Acid attacks are disturbingly common and are now being used by women against other women. Sometimes (on bad days) wonder why I brought my children into this and understand people's choices of being childless. It's so depressing that another human can cause such pain to another

Yes, sorry, I thought I'd put a warning in my post, but seem not to have, pre-coffee brain!

Thanks for that

Wrt the 'tarty' and 'slutty' posts on the other thread I mentioned, they've deleted the 'slutty' post but the 'tarty' ones (by more than one poster and with a in one post) have been allowed to stand as 'they don't break talk guidelines'.

11 year old referred to as 'tarty' for wearing crop tops and shorts. And HQ think that's fine. And no, they haven't been on the thread either. Poor isn't it?

@Italiangreyhound:

Yeah, well, the man who molested me was a potential employer, and that was the only reason I talked to him - I disliked him on the telephone already. It's hard not to blame myself for not listenting to my intuition.

I just cannot imagine that I could get into a relationship with a sleazy guy without noticing what he's like, but it makes sense that girls who have nothing to compare their relationships to (or nothing good, at least) would be more easily trapped.
(Though the thought that so many women don't live in a healthy relationship, and their daughters are therefore vulnerable ... is stuff for a horror movie, it is. Apocalyptic.)

I had no idea that blatant abuse, obvious threats of violence were such a common thing in teen relationships. The worst I had imagined was "But I NEEEEED this" psychological blackmailing.

This makes me so sad.

Why are WE not asking how boys and men can bully and coercive girls and women into abusive sexual relationships! Isn't this a big part of it. WHY are the girls the gatekeepers of sexual morality

Well, me, personally, I have given up on males. Most of them just aren't capable of feeling any empathy for women, as evidenced by their porn consumption. We can, of course, tell them that they shouldn't rape girls, but will they listen?

I just have more trust in the capability of girls to build self-esteem and learn how to defend themselves than I have in the capability (and willingness) of males to learn how to be decent human beings.

If some males want to prove they can be decent people, then THEY can do the anti-porn campaigning among their fellow males.
I just don't think it's worth my time.

I know that "men are like that, you can't change them" is a point of view that misogynists also tend to have, but misogynists are of the opinion that women should still marry those shitty men.

I am of the opinion that celibacy is the superior alternative.

Not a problem Palmer - what's sad was that I wasn't entirely shocked so shows how desensitised (I) we have become.

Poor isn't it? especially as you reported it. The discussion could have been on a wider (reasoned) scale of media influences for example. Not simply referring to a child as a tart. Absolutely disgusting.

Vestal re " It's hard not to blame myself for not listenting to my intuition." Please do not blame yourself, you know it is not your fault.

I know what you mean, totally. I do want girls to build confidence but I also want to challenge the boys/men. It is utterly heart-braking isn't it!

Peyia and PalmerViolet great points too. It is hard to see and read and hear so much. This has been on mind since I read the initial article.

LilacSpunkMonkey can I ask what thread, maybe if more of us reported. Who thinks an 11 is tarty?? what utter crap.

Good to know that there are so many of who care. I've already started talking to dd about it, she is 11, (age appropriate, not too scary) I don't want to discuss any of this but I need to.

Thank you peyia. I am scarred by it all. Very damaged in terms of how I view everything. Lots of sympathy with my ex, feel so bad that he is hurting. I know how warped that is.

Thank you peyia. I am scarred by it all. Very damaged in terms of how I view everything. Lots of sympathy with my ex, feel so bad that he is hurting. I know how warped that is.