Mumsnet demanding that I change my nickname

[AbortionFairyGodmother]

Suddenly after posting on several transgender issue related threads, I am getting a note in my email inbox:

"We wanted to drop you a line about your Mumsnet nickname, because we've have had a few reports from other posters about it and how it has caused distress.

Our aim is to make parents' lives easier by pooling and sharing advice and support, and while we're all for free speech, we really don't feel that this nickname is in the spirit of our philosophy.
We're asking therefore if you can change it please. "

Yeah, well, a lot of parents need abortions. My nickname is here because I am an abortion activist who sends abortion pills to women (mostly mothers!!) who desperately need them and are not in areas where they can access them.

Watch this, women. This is what censorship looks like. No "misgendering" people, no getting too far out of line, no being too public about your activism. Because it will offend someone. Best to make my nickname something like KittensAndFlowersLOL, right?

"The point is abortion is very different things to different women, so it seems right that different aspects of it should be allowed to be freely expressed."

Yes, agree, of course.

How that translates to allowing someone to flog their abortion pills on Mumsnet by stealth I'm not so sure.

I do understand where you're coming from TheCowThatLaughs and I agree with what you're saying...that it's a woman's choice and not a dirty little secret.

However, I think the OP's original nickname was probably far too triggering for some people...given the complex emotions abortion can bring to individual women.

My original name, that is to say, broke no site guidelines. It would be requesting a personal courtesy if someone asked. I am happy to respond to people's requests for personal courtesies directly, but if treated impersonally I see no reason not to request that I be treated exactly according to the letter of the guidelines (which would seem to indicate that I'm no worse than any of the cuntys).

OP, your new NN is ok (but I think your old NN was horrible.)

If you want to promote your cause I don't think you are going about it the right way. Your posts are angry and combative.

BTW I thought you could get abortions free of cost in South Africa?

I think abortion is an emotive issue, but that it is essential to talk about it in context.

There are many threads on here discussing abortion and highlighting issues.

It isn't in context in a username. There are various posters on here who have taken the username to mean something completely different - that the OP is pro life for example.

The OP's username (prior to this thread) made me think that either:

a. She's really young and unaware of the context

or

b. It sounds appropriative of other women's experiences, naming herself as the one who waves a magic wand, rather than being named as the woman having the abortion - the person it is actually happening to.

And I have no axe to grind regarding you, OP. I think we are in agreement on many other issues, including being concerned about women losing rights due to trans activism.

Worra, I've had the "c-word" shouted at me during my violent rape. Should the women with that in their names have to change them because of it? I do wonder.

I recently made the shitty, horrendous decision to have an abortion and am still suffering the side effects of the treatment. It was not something I did lightly at all, and while I understand that there's a back story to the AFG name (now) I flinched when I read it on another thread earlier. It seems to belittle the choice that we've had to make. I imagine that some of the people who reported you might feel the same.

I just don't understand why you think that advertising a service you provide with a provocative, flippant name would actually help your cause? It makes you seem insensitive ime, and I'm imagining that your customers would rank sensitivity pretty highly on the list of desirable traits for someone who does what you do.

Ginger I think a lot of people forget that aspect of abortion. Sometimes it's not that you don't want a child but that you don't have the resources. It always seems illogical to me that the far right groups who are so anti abortion are the last ones to advocate offering the kind of physical moral and financial support needed to raise a child.

She's really young and unaware of the context

That's the first thing I thought.

It's up to mumsnet to decide whether a name breaches site guidelines, and it is normal practice amongst users to report posts (or on this case a name) rather than to PM individuals.

It's their site after all! And it's not like they're the Stasi or anything - they're pretty fair-minded and trying to keep everyone happy.

I've read some of your posts on the trans threads. They have made me think, which is good.

I also like your new name.

Did you know that the Abortion Support Network is one of the charities chosen for Mumsnet Just Giving week?

There's a thread about it in Site Stuff

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2377295-Sign-in-here-for-Giving-Week-2015-nominate-your-favourite-organisation-charity-or-worthy-cause?

What a load of rubbish about posh mums silencing poor people. Your user name gave no indication whatsoever of the work you do, it was taken at face value.

Your new name is vastly better.

Yes, people want to beat you with a stick for having one, but guaranteed they won't cough up cash to help you if you had the child.

the world's a mad place sometimes

And ironically, Mumsnet is the only forum I know where we repeatedly see the words Warning - triggering in thread titles...even if the thread's about spiders or something.

So I can understand why people may have felt the OP's original nickname was a trigger.

Quite how she came to the conclusion that HQ 'demanded' she change it, or that the people who complained were 'posh mums', or that it had anything to do with her posts about transgender people is absolutely beyond me and comes across as a tad narcissistic imo.

And don't even start me on why she thought anyone should contact her directly and explain/justify why they weren't happy with her nickname.

I find that when women want an abortion in bad circumstances, they're grateful for the fact that I'm angry and confrontational and don't back down--if I was not that kind of person, really, I wouldn't do this kind of activism, it's dangerous and kind of expensive and gets a lot of people pissed off.

I just don't like seeing women without options. I've felt trapped before; I hope to make a lot of people feel less trapped. I don't expect you all to like what I do, or even think it's a good thing overall. I just expect to be treated like other people and not have my username singled out when lord knows there are some number of offensive nicks here.

but fairygodmother doesn't have that ring of feminism about it

Bore, that is excellent!

Worra:

I'm used to "requests" from admins being warnings with time limits--if that's not the case on MN, it's very different from the other forums I'm on. I don't think I'm on any forum where a polite request is actually a polite request rather than a "change this voluntarily or be removed."

(but if that is the case and it's different here, I'm quite relieved. If you've never seen feminist women be drummed out of an internet forum, be glad--it's happening all over Facebook and elsewhere even this month.)

Maybe people with different offensive names just haven't been reported as often as you have?

Mumsnet HQ responded to the reports. They were not nonsensically targeting you out of the group of people with offensive NN.

My close family member, whom I love, her life was ruined by her abortion when she was younger (and I would stand by this against any argument - absolutely ruined).
Similarly, many women's lives are ruined by their choice to have a child, or their choice to do numerous other things.
Surely the important aspect here is choice. Women deserve the right to be the authors of their own destiny. Even if some of the choices prove wrong, perhaps horrendously wrong, for individuals, we shouldn't hate to hear them named, if that naming may be empowering to others.
I don't hate hearing the word "marriage" because I once married an abuser.
Abortion is of course an awful experience for many women, but if you believe (as I do) that a woman has the right to make choices about her own body, let's stop suppressing joyful uses of the word. Even in a MN username!

Oh HQ would you please re-consider the hide poster option?

I know, Mintyy, it's so very hard to listen to people we don't like or agree with, and yet we must soldier on, mustn't we?