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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Mumsnet demanding that I change my nickname

421 replies

AbortionFairyGodmother · 02/06/2015 22:52

Suddenly after posting on several transgender issue related threads, I am getting a note in my email inbox:

"We wanted to drop you a line about your Mumsnet nickname, because we've have had a few reports from other posters about it and how it has caused distress.

Our aim is to make parents' lives easier by pooling and sharing advice and support, and while we're all for free speech, we really don't feel that this nickname is in the spirit of our philosophy.
We're asking therefore if you can change it please. "

Yeah, well, a lot of parents need abortions. My nickname is here because I am an abortion activist who sends abortion pills to women (mostly mothers!!) who desperately need them and are not in areas where they can access them.

Watch this, women. This is what censorship looks like. No "misgendering" people, no getting too far out of line, no being too public about your activism. Because it will offend someone. Best to make my nickname something like KittensAndFlowersLOL, right?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 03/06/2015 00:24

I just don't like seeing women without options. I've felt trapped before; I hope to make a lot of people feel less trapped. I don't expect you all to like what I do, or even think it's a good thing overall. I just expect to be treated like other people and not have my username singled out when lord knows there are some number of offensive nicks here.

What did you want from the nickname, a pat on the back?

An "Oh you must be such a lovely person op xxx"? Flowers

No-one's saying you're doing a bad thing. What they're saying is that your original nickname, was upsetting and triggering for some people.

You can dismiss them as 'posh mums' or people who disagree with your views on transgender people if you like, but tbh that just makes you come across as closed minded imo.

Are you really unable to see that there are also women out there, for whom abortion was a traumatic thing, even if they were able to access it freely?

MistressMerryWeather · 03/06/2015 00:24

You're right Derek.

I think maybe 'immature in her attitude/knowledge of abortion' rather than young.

BoreOfWhabylon · 03/06/2015 00:25

It is, isn't it! Grin

A lot of MNers (including me) nominated it as our chosen charity - MNHQ will match all donations up to £25000 per charity.

Reginafalangie · 03/06/2015 00:26

I had no issue with your nn. I can understand why some would but it would not evoke any more distress in me than when I see the abortion threads in active convos. I have had two, one through choice and one because my baby died.

WorraLiberty · 03/06/2015 00:27

Worra:

I'm used to "requests" from admins being warnings with time limits--if that's not the case on MN, it's very different from the other forums I'm on. I don't think I'm on any forum where a polite request is actually a polite request rather than a "change this voluntarily or be removed."

Oh come on.

Just admit your title was attention seeking. No-one from MNHQ demanded anything.

And you clearly saw they had a point, because you changed your name pretty quickly....

WombOfOnesOwn · 03/06/2015 00:27

Of course there are people for whom abortion is traumatic. There are people for whom divorce is traumatic. Might a divorce lawyer pick something a little flippant for his/her nick on a web forum when they want to let their hair down--even if that nick is about a topic that makes some people upset?

Why is it only "women's issues" that require this kind of tiptoeing? Certainly we don't see similar shushing of issues that aren't about the female body, even those which are controversial or "gross."

almondcakes · 03/06/2015 00:28

OP, I would consider it similar to the trans debate.

If people born male want to be called she, that is up to them, but I'm not going to validate their chosen preferences by agreeing that it means what they've decided it means.

If you want to be called abortionfairygodmother on here, that is up to you, but I'm not going to validate your chosen preferences by agreeing that it means what you've decided it means.

WombOfOnesOwn · 03/06/2015 00:29

Regina: I'm sorry about your wanted pregnancy loss, it is very tough, I know. :(

Worra: I changed it because people here were, as it turns out, actually offended--i.e. it wasn't just a mod doing it out of retaliation. Which makes MN a better forum than a lot of forums on the internet, so I was wrong to assume they were like many of the others.

BearFoxBear · 03/06/2015 00:29

You've only been singled out by other users because your original name was inflammatory to some. Why can't you, if you are someone to keen to help others, actually listen to that and understand it for what it is? I would expect the same to happen to me if I name changed to something that was deliberately designed to provoke a reaction and could be seen as offensive.

WombOfOnesOwn · 03/06/2015 00:30

Like I said, I'm happy to change it as an actual personal consideration. I was alarmed by the timing (which was, fortunately, a coincidence) that put these complaints happening right when I was addressing a controversial issue which has led to women being harassed and excluded from conferences and jobs.

EatShitDerek · 03/06/2015 00:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mintyy · 03/06/2015 00:32

Hide poster button is an oft-requested feature on here, don't take it personally Womb.

Reginafalangie · 03/06/2015 00:32

Thanks womb it was out of my control so nothing I could do.

I think your other name was fine and once the novelty wore off you would have just been another name on mn. I do think your new one is more appropriate considering what you stand for Smile

WombOfOnesOwn · 03/06/2015 00:33

Uh huh. So the people whose name is "cunt" and "eat shit" and the like, the kinds of things said to women while being violently raped (ask me how I know!), they are going to change their names, too, right? Because they're offensive. They do actually bring up people's feelings about times in their lives people will never get over, too. Thus my belief that there is unequal enforcement, but I still changed the name.

Enormouse · 03/06/2015 00:34

Is it really bore? That's fantastic news.

As some posters may know, I'm an NI based poster who was helped by ASN to travel to the uk. So I would technically have abortion fairy godmothers. But I saw your user name womb and felt it was slightly flippant and a little crass. Even though I am extremely extremely grateful for the help I received I would be perturbed if any of the women who helped me were calling themselves fairy godmothers on a public forum.

Whilst my termination was because I had two dc under 3 and could not cope with a third, someone terminating after a diagnosis of fatal foetal abnormality may react more painfully to the name.

Btw women help women and women on web are reputable providers of pills.

WombOfOnesOwn · 03/06/2015 00:36

Enormouse, that's why I am fine with having changed it. I just feel it's a matter of personal taste and courtesy, rather than a matter of having violated site guidelines in any way.

EatShitDerek · 03/06/2015 00:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 03/06/2015 00:42

< hollow laugh at the suggestion adoptive parents think adoption is sweet>

Anyway OP your new NN is v good and a significant improvement

almondcakes · 03/06/2015 00:43

AF had her name commented on negatively by MNHQ on a public thread. It isn't just you.

And you weren't forced to change your username. You were made aware of the feelings of others and asked nicely.

WombOfOnesOwn · 03/06/2015 00:43

What this kind of system means in practice is that people with institutional power can have their voices heard by those in charge, while people without don't feel like it's their place and thus go unheard.

So it goes.

WombOfOnesOwn · 03/06/2015 00:46

almondcakes, yup, like I said, I was on a hair trigger about being censored because a LOT of women suddenly find themselves silenced after talking in trans threads. And when I commented in a trans thread, I was told by someone my username was "vile" and suddenly my post was deleted by mods and I was getting a request to change my username. You don't see how (when women are literally losing their jobs as well as being banned from internet forums for discussing this issue) that'd make me a little worried?

Like I said, I'm glad it wasn't that ... but I'm not sorry I worried. Not when so many people are being shut up.

ancientbuchanan · 03/06/2015 00:47

Womb, can I just say I think your current name is ace ? Made me roar with laughter and also put me at ease to read on, whereas for personal reasons I would normally shut down re abortion ( hate revisiting trauma sort if stuff). And that's made me learn about what you do.

So thank you. And support for what you do. Flowers

almondcakes · 03/06/2015 00:48

I'm becoming tempted to change my name to the FeministMessiah, in honour of your struggle against MNHQ and their vast system of oppression and silencing.

WombOfOnesOwn · 03/06/2015 00:49

almondcakes, that would be amazing. I would happily worship at your altar!

SabrinnaOfDystopia · 03/06/2015 00:54

WombOfOnesOwn is a quite excellent nickname.

I salute you for your activism, and if you can pm me a link to your blog, I'd love to have a read.