Mumsnet demanding that I change my nickname

[AbortionFairyGodmother]

Suddenly after posting on several transgender issue related threads, I am getting a note in my email inbox:

"We wanted to drop you a line about your Mumsnet nickname, because we've have had a few reports from other posters about it and how it has caused distress.

Our aim is to make parents' lives easier by pooling and sharing advice and support, and while we're all for free speech, we really don't feel that this nickname is in the spirit of our philosophy.
We're asking therefore if you can change it please. "

Yeah, well, a lot of parents need abortions. My nickname is here because I am an abortion activist who sends abortion pills to women (mostly mothers!!) who desperately need them and are not in areas where they can access them.

Watch this, women. This is what censorship looks like. No "misgendering" people, no getting too far out of line, no being too public about your activism. Because it will offend someone. Best to make my nickname something like KittensAndFlowersLOL, right?

Why don't you encourage contraception, ffs?

How on earth does contraception help a pregnant woman? Please explain that? Contraception does not end pregnancies.

The flippancy for sure.

I think Laurie has hit the nail on the head as to why I understand the need to 'advertise' your activism, but why the name leaves me uncomfortable.

It's the slamming down of a potentially very emotive word next to an incredibly twee way of describing yourself. You are an activist. You believe in universal rights to abortion. A more straightforward name would be less off-putting.

I was thinking more about the real lives of women here who may have had horrendous experiences in relation to abortion, memories of which may be triggered when they see your name.

You would perhaps get more support if you didn't take the stance of 'you're all posh wankers who don't understand the importance of what i do'

Give people a little bit more credit eh?

Well, if it's just a request, I'll still be here, same bat time, same bat channel, playin' those same old favorite tunes.

Yup to Fizzy.

Both posts.

I agree it's grim

I guess it's your choice to either change it and continue posting your views (which I assume is more important than your username?), or leave.

I don't like your user name.

I think about abortion referring to four things:

1. Abortions that are very much wanted.
2. Abortions that are wanted but sad because the woman is only having the abortion because circumstances don't allow her to have a baby she would otherwise have had.
3. Forced abortions.
4. Abortion as another word for a miscarriage.

Abortions are not always a good thing. Reproductive rights are a good thing. Reproductive rights mean the freedom to have an abortion and the freedom not to have an abortion forced upon you.

I agree that it's not the word "abortion" that's the problem- it's the coupling of it with "fairy godmother".

For some women, having an abortion is not their fairy tale ending or dream come true. An abortion isn't fucking Disney.

I agree you should change to something like TheAbortionActivist or AbortionAdvice.

In fact, I think the latter name would actually make what you do more clear to women who need your services.

I admit, when I saw your name on a different thread I winced. Having read your reasons, I understand your name.

It must take a lot of guts to do what you do.

(And I've experienced the loss of wanted pregnancies myself--I am far from heartless, I just think that if you are in such a bad place emotionally that a username can drive you to the depths of despair, you belong somewhere that is not an internet forum.)

You have my admiration and support, AbortionFairy. people seem to think that just being offended by something somehow gives them the right to try to ban it. FFS, getting offended is part of life. l am deeply offended by the fact that poor women in some frankly backward and misogynistic-- countries are dying needlessly due to unsafe backstreet abortions. Why should someone else's feelings of offence trump mine?

Well, if it's just a request, I'll still be here, same bat time, same bat channel, playin' those same old favorite tunes.

Good for you. When I first saw your NN, it did give me a jolt, but, it's just words, words don't hurt in the same way as having to go through your 8th pregnancy when you're poor and terrified. In those circs, you are indeed a fairy godmother. I also know about your other activism, and, AFAIC you have more than earned the right to call yourself whatever the fuck you like.

It is concerning that you are doling out this kind of drug to women. You know nothing about their health. Surpised this is even legal.

Report me all you want but I stand by my comment.

How about something direct yet less "flippant," i.e.

GetYourAbortionsHere --

I want to maintain some amount of the "in your face" ness of the username; I've already gotten people from MN requesting medications in the past.

tbh I saw your name on another thread and I'm not one for taking note of names but yours stood out to me and it instantly made me think of back street abortions. Abortion and fairy godmother are not two words I would of associated together.

'controlled drugs', sorry.

Tbf OP when i first read your name, before reading the OP, i thought it meant you were someone who intervened in abortions. Like a pro-life advocate who talked women out of it. Not sure why but it is what came to mind.

I think "TheAbortionActivist or AbortionAdvice." Is a good suggestion.

It's EXACTLY why people come here! For support and understanding.

Keep doing what you do, but if you're causing genuine distress from the name you have chosen then you'll be remembered for the wrong thing.

I'd imagine that anyone offended enough to report AbortionFairyGodmother would be similarly offended by GetYourAbortionsHere. I think either are fine, personally, and I don't think 'being offended' is reason enough to agitate for someone to change their name.

I think that for a lot of women having an abortion probably is a dream come true because having to go through with the pregnancy and have a baby would be a living nightmare.