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Original poster

Mumsnet demanding that I change my nickname

421 replies

AbortionFairyGodmother · 02/06/2015 22:52

Suddenly after posting on several transgender issue related threads, I am getting a note in my email inbox:

"We wanted to drop you a line about your Mumsnet nickname, because we've have had a few reports from other posters about it and how it has caused distress.

Our aim is to make parents' lives easier by pooling and sharing advice and support, and while we're all for free speech, we really don't feel that this nickname is in the spirit of our philosophy.
We're asking therefore if you can change it please. "

Yeah, well, a lot of parents need abortions. My nickname is here because I am an abortion activist who sends abortion pills to women (mostly mothers!!) who desperately need them and are not in areas where they can access them.

Watch this, women. This is what censorship looks like. No "misgendering" people, no getting too far out of line, no being too public about your activism. Because it will offend someone. Best to make my nickname something like KittensAndFlowersLOL, right?

OP posts:
fourchetteoff · 02/06/2015 23:54

Thanks TheCow - I know she was really upset. It happened before I knew her, and I know it was a wrench deciding what to do as it was a much wanted baby. But they feel they made the right choice as the poor baby would have barely lived weeks after birth.

On the other side of the coin, I too have friends at uni who really weren't affected much at all by their abortions.

I'm just really happy that we have access and choice in England.

TheCowThatLaughs · 02/06/2015 23:54

I imagine most people would be devastated to lose a body part, but an unwanted pregnancy is not a body part ffs.

TheCowThatLaughs · 02/06/2015 23:55

Sorry x post forchetoff. I'm really glad too

DixieNormas · 02/06/2015 23:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mintyy · 02/06/2015 23:56

I am not pushing any kind of agenda. I am asking that some of you stop and think for one second about the very many people who are NOT happy to be having an abortion. That doesn't make me pro-life or anything else, it just makes me able to look at the bigger picture.

Associating abortions with a magical wholly benign bright and breezy character like a Fairy Godmother is going to be upsetting and offensive to some and if you can't see that then you are pig ignorant.

Blistory · 02/06/2015 23:56

I can understand why you feel censored, particularly given the thread that seems to have triggered the reports. It's difficult not to make a connection.

Abortion isn't a dirty word. Offering women access to abortion services isn't something shameful and dirty.

It jars mainly because women are expected to treat abortion as their dirty, little, shameful secret.

Plenty on here offends me but the reproductive rights of women isn't one of them nor is a username that is to the point.

VirginiaWoofs · 02/06/2015 23:56

Can you see how the name EuthanasiaFairyGodmother could be construed as being highly inappropriate?

Euthanasia, like abortion, is concerned with choice. It can be a relief for the person making that choice, but also (obviously) extremely painful and emotive.

merrymouse · 02/06/2015 23:57

The thing is sometimes people make the difficult decision to terminate a wanted pregnancy, and they use forums like this for support.

WorraLiberty · 02/06/2015 23:57

But Worra, that is what abortion usually is ime. I don't think it's flippant to say so

The most important part of your post there was ime

Your experience isn't going to be the same as everyone else's.

So surely you'll have some sympathy for those who found it traumatic?

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes · 02/06/2015 23:57

I do prefer your new username btw I'm speaking as someone who has experienced abortion.

Iggi999 · 02/06/2015 23:58

It's been made pretty clear that not all abortions are of "unwanted pregnancies" so not sure why that keeps being said.

WombOfOnesOwn · 02/06/2015 23:58

I've also known women deeply affected by their late-term abortions. My main financial support for some of my activist endeavors relating to abortion pills has come from two such women. As I said, if I had heard from women directly that they were affected it would have made a big difference to me--as it was, it came directly on the heels of posting about controversial issues that women have been getting silenced on left and right at the moment.

GeorgeYeatsAutomaticWriter · 02/06/2015 23:58

So those who are saying that the word 'abortion' is emotive: are you proposing alternate words? Or would you rather posters didn't use the word at all?

simonettavespucci · 02/06/2015 23:58

But Mintyy I've also seen threads on here before with women saying that they've had abortions about which they feel nothing but reliefs and how difficult they find it to deal with the expectation that it must have been a traumatic experience. The point is abortion is very different things to different women, so it seems right that different aspects of it should be allowed to be freely expressed.

WombOfOnesOwn · 02/06/2015 23:59

Several suicide doctors have gone by "Dr. Death," which seems in many ways as flippant as an abortion fairy godmother.

almondcakes · 02/06/2015 23:59

Being Pro abortion is not the same thing as being pro reproductive rights.

merrymouse · 03/06/2015 00:00

As I said, if I had heard from women directly that they were affected it would have made a big difference to me

People who are upset might not want to contact you directly.

GingerCuddleMonster · 03/06/2015 00:00

I have had a termination and honestly I hate the word "abortion" in general, but to aside it with the words fairygodmother is just a bit...well...fucking stupid.

the new name I think is far better Smile.

also believe me the lovely nurse who administered my termination wasn't a fairy godmother, if anything she was a dream killer but I couldn't financially afford a second child nor was I mentally or physically ready for it all again. I would have lived to have kept my child, but I just couldn't. The termination was straight forward and no major issues. It wasn't a traumatic experience, just left me a little empty and upset.

but hey ho, everyone is different Thanks

messyisthenewtidy · 03/06/2015 00:01

The most traumatic thing about abortion for me was the secrecy and shame.

VirginiaWoofs · 03/06/2015 00:01

Yes and Dr Death is a truly hideous name.

"AWombofOnesOwn" is a fab name

Mintyy · 03/06/2015 00:03

"It jars mainly because women are expected to treat abortion as their dirty, little, shameful secret."

No they aren't. And certainly not on Mumsnet they aren't. But are you saying that women who have to terminate their pregnancy because they don't feel they have a choice should not express their upset for fear of being seen as weak or hysterical?

Abortion is not always just a simple medical procedure to terminate a pregnancy and everyone knows it.

TheCowThatLaughs · 03/06/2015 00:03

Yes of course Worra I do see your point. I also get offended when abortion is referred to as horrendous and women are told they should keep it secret and they're taking a life etc etc, so I think on balance its best to be open about it. Not that I usually go round shouting about it or anything!

WorraLiberty · 03/06/2015 00:03

As I said, if I had heard from women directly that they were affected it would have made a big difference to me

I'm at a total loss to think why on earth anyone would tell some random on a chat forum, something so personal Confused

There is a reporting facility. They chose to use it. Get over it.

WombOfOnesOwn · 03/06/2015 00:04

Well, if they don't want a personal courtesy, then they don't have to. But if they want a personal courtesy for a name that doesn't break any site guidelines, perhaps that's a wiser course of action.

MistressMerryWeather · 03/06/2015 00:05

For fuck sake, no one is saying the word is dirty or don't use it.

Just don't stick it in your nickname next to Fairy Godmother where it can pop up on a thread about lunchbox suggestions or dishwasher vodka!

Some people seem to argue for the sake of arguing.

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