Mumsnet demanding that I change my nickname

[AbortionFairyGodmother]

Suddenly after posting on several transgender issue related threads, I am getting a note in my email inbox:

"We wanted to drop you a line about your Mumsnet nickname, because we've have had a few reports from other posters about it and how it has caused distress.

Our aim is to make parents' lives easier by pooling and sharing advice and support, and while we're all for free speech, we really don't feel that this nickname is in the spirit of our philosophy.
We're asking therefore if you can change it please. "

Yeah, well, a lot of parents need abortions. My nickname is here because I am an abortion activist who sends abortion pills to women (mostly mothers!!) who desperately need them and are not in areas where they can access them.

Watch this, women. This is what censorship looks like. No "misgendering" people, no getting too far out of line, no being too public about your activism. Because it will offend someone. Best to make my nickname something like KittensAndFlowersLOL, right?

But they not trying to promote cuntiness.

Hah! They usually do though......

it's a widely accepted descriptive term for a medical process to end a pregnancy. Ending a pregnancy may be a relief, but it is also often very sad.

Many women post on mumsnet about fertility problems, miscarriages and the decision to terminate a planned pregnancy because of health issues.

It is possible to be pro-choice and empathise with people who don't think fairy godmothers bring abortions - particularly when nobody has a clue about the reason for the nickname.

No not at all, which is why I said usually. Going from personal experience and friends' experiences. And from a long thread on here where many women said they had had abortions, were happy they had made the right decision for themselves and their families, and felt a sense of relief.

An abortion is horrendous & shouldn't be taken lightly. At the end of the day you are taking a life. Those decisions should be kept to yourself. You helping those people OP should be kept private too.

I actually like the new name. With the narrative it makes sense and conveys the feeling of what you want to achieve, without the narrative it still conveys the sense of personal ownership of a woman over her birth choices that you want. It cannot be seen as offensive imo (although some people try very hard to be offended they generally don't last so long on mn).

I can't say I wholeheartedly agree with you but I see nothing wrong with promoting choice - in a compassionate manner.

PuffinsAreFictitious Derek is asking if it would be ok for a rape counsellor to advertise what she does in her nickname, by calling herself RapeFairyGodMother

Not that AbortionFairyGodMother in any way describes what the OP says she does.

By the same token, a username like "LoveToAdopt" or something would be considered just as provocative, right? If not moreso? I'm just trying to get things straight here.

Gussiegrips has a name relating to her job.

I am glad to learn the story behind your name AFG. I didn't know it before so I wouldn't have been prompted by your name to contact you IYSWIM.

I like your new name.

I didn't read the transgender thread, but I'm with the OP on her name. Trying to censor it smacks of all the policing of how we're 'allowed' to think about abortion. I don't think it's particularly difficult to imagine circumstances in which an abortion might seem like a dreamlike wish and I don't think AFG is wrong to highlight that. Especially as she does serious work helping women in this situation.

"Yet I bet AdoptionFairyGodmother would be "aw, that's sweet." Because mumsnet has more women who are in the adoptive mum class than the birth mum class, so for them adoption is sweet, not traumatic. That's what I mean by classism."

Nope, none the wiser.

AdoptionFairyGodmother

No - I don't think the people on the fostering and adoption boards would be so twee as to describe themselves as fairy godmothers.

An abortion is horrendous & shouldn't be taken lightly. At the end of the day you are taking a life. Those decisions should be kept to yourself. You helping those people OP should be kept private too.

Bollocks to that. MN thankfully is a site where women can discuss their abortions freely - and all the feelings (relief, regret, sorrow, gladness) that they evoke.

Also, no one is suggesting that all women are upset and distressed after having abortions.

But their obviously are and it's important that they are the ones taken into account here.

MN Mods: would it be okay if I posted a link to the guide with all commercial solicitations stripped? I never put a paper version up for sale anyway. I would like MN moms to have this knowledge, which I believe to be powerful, available to them!

I guess I can always just say: if you want to know, PM me...but if the issue is that I said "I will be putting out a paperback I'm making less than a dollar of profit on eventually," I am happy to take the commercial bits out since they're not even true any more and it's to be a forever-free guide.

Hi TheCow - not all women have that sense of relief. (although I'm glad in your experience the majority experience relief, of course)

My best friend had to make the awful decision to abort her baby at 24 weeks after finding out it had Edwards syndrome.
She used this website for support at that difficult time. Her abortion was pretty devastating, so I think it's for people like that that MN had to take this decision.

I think your new name is much more creative and powerful WombOf.

What is the point in upsetting people? I believe in abortion but I wouldn't force it in people's faces with a username like that. Some people do see it as murder and I can see their point of view but I think the right for women to decide trumps that.

It's a nuanced debate, there's no clear right and wrong and provoking people with your username is disrespectful IMO.

"I don't think it's particularly difficult to imagine circumstances in which an abortion might seem like a dreamlike wish ... "

but then surely it's not particularly difficult to imagine circumstances in which an abortion would be an incredibly traumatic fucking tragedy?? And that many posters on Mumsnet will have endured the procedure as a quite horrific trauma?

Hence the need for a little sensitivity. God, it's really quite straightforward

Abortion is a quick medical procedure to end a pregnancy. I am most offended by poster's attempting to push their anti choice agenda by characterizing abortion as a catastrophic event a women's life.

IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou of course it's not a huge deal for some people.

That doesn't mean anyone should be so flippant as to excuse the OP's chosen nickname by saying "Abortion is usually a simple and quick procedure that has the desired outcome of ending a pregnancy."

There can be far more to it than that as everyone knows.

A mastectomy is usually a simple procedure to remove a breast, but that doesn't mean it's not devastating for some people to have to do.

And after all that I've just seen your new one which is do much nicer and more imaginative

While you're all here, a link to a nice personal narrative about abortion and family.

www.xojane.com/it-happened-to-me/my-familys-abortion

Hi forchetoff, your poor friend I can't imagine how she must have felt

Oh aye, it's total anti choice agenda to suggest some women find abortions distressing.

Fucksake.

But Worra, that is what abortion usually is ime. I don't think it's flippant to say so.