Feminist pub XIX: The Bluestocking meanders into May

[YonicScrewdriver]

We're running at about six weeks per pub at the moment! So if you want chat with a feminist flavour, or with fellow feminists, or just want to admire our patriarchy blaster cannon and goat - welcome!

Last pub Here

What lovely news magimedi!

Congrats Magi

Just watched the Claire Balding show. Judy Murray, Navratilova and two women hoping to be picked for next month's World Cup squad in Canada.

V nice.

Congrats to Magi!
I asked the question about body image on a Guider site and just got loads of answers about how to help an 11yo to remove body hair. I give up.

drspouse That's so missing the point!

Exactly. She hadn't even asked if she could, either. Anyway I got one or two Guide activities that might work but I'd quite like something like a YouTube video to send before I see her myself.

magimedi congrats!

I did an interview this week that went really well and...my would-be boss is a woman! First time this would be the case in fifteen years.

Fingers crossed depth!

Drspouse I was exactly like your niece - my mum tried to persuade me that it didn't matter that I had hairs on my legs but it wouldn't stick when faced with teasing at school. Not sure what to advise really, which is a bit depressing. But talking about the issues can't hurt

It's so difficult at that age drspouse, I remember going through exactly the same thing - I was blithely unaware that body hair was something to be thought about, let alone disliked, then at about 11 I started getting teased horribly for having hairy legs. It was awful.

I remember being quite cross with my mother for not explaining to me in advance that this was one of the rules of being female, although in retrospect mum's attitude to personal grooming (ie not caring much and not commenting much) probably helped me exit the teen years with my bodily self-esteem back intact.

I'm not sure what the best approach is. Probably downplay it. Shrug and suggest the minimum effort approach. And possibly make some type comments about how odd it is that some people care so much about stuff like that.

Good luck Depth!

Good Luck Depth, I have my fingers crossed for you.

Congrats magi

I remember when my sister had her first dd, I went to visit her in hospital and just burst into tears when I saw her in the bed nursing her baby. Totally unlike me, I'd spent months of worrying about her health and how she would cope as she was only 19, (I'm 10 years older) and it was all swept away when I saw her holding her baby, I knew she'd be fine. She thought I was crazy though, crying the minute I saw her.

Dh son is going to be a dad soon, I'm excited for dh to be a granddad but at the same time Ill step back as I really don't want to step on DSs mums toes or hurt her feelings.

Have to pop in to the pub and breathe heavily. We caught up with some of our toddler group friends today (kids are all around 18 months old) and the other parents were all insisting that they could tell how differences between girls and boys were becoming apparent. The boys preferring trucks etc.

I had to stop myself from getting Quite Cross, particularly as (a) the two most dominant and forthright personalities ("masculine" in the traditional sense) in the group are both little girls, (b) none of the boys' parents claiming their child has a trucks-over-dolls preference had actually bought their son a doll, (c) during the day the girls all spent just as much time climbing on the ride on cars and trucks, and being physical down the slide, as the boys.

It makes me want to scream. Why would you pigeonhole these small people so early, it seems so incredibly unfair and unnecessary.

Stella Creasy is standing for Deputy Leader of the Labour party.

Sweet, how annoying!!

So maddening, Sweet.

Looking for a card for my new granddaughter was hard - 98% were gendered & in the blue/pink way.

Especially as when I asked my DIL about her taste in clothes for the baby (sex was known) she said: "Anything except fucking pink or princess"!

I love my DIL

Pleased to see a woman standing, but I know shamefully little about Stella Creasy. Off to google.

I always get annoyed at the "children show gender differences so early therefore it must be innate!" line. My response is yeah, it shows how fecking invasive and powerful gendered socialisation is.

When we told people we were adopting they asked "how can you decorate the nursery for people to see when you don't know if you'll be matched with a boy or a girl".
Erm... As DH told his work colleague, blue and pink are not the only colours allowed by law.

"Blue and pink are not the only colours allowed by law." They are not!?

Most people don't seem to understand what socialisation means though, sadly. As if marketing and peer pressure are mild and easily ignored by everyone. We all like to think that we are totally in control of our own destiny, despite the evidence to the contrary.

Sigh.

Weird, isn't it, Sweet? Yet most of those people say "please" and "thank you" and "Congratulations" and so on - do they think they just came up with those alone??

Caroline Criado-Perez has written a book!

Is it ok if I vent? Not sure vent is the right word as I'm not actually angry just frightened for Mil. She's an alcoholic and hasn't been able to buy alcohol (no money) since Thursday and is having severe withdrawals, she's hallucinating and terrified. She had to be left alone today as kids needed taking to school and she locked herself in cupboard in terror at what she thought she was seeing. SIL is taking her to GP today and hoping to have her sectioned, mil is refusing any medical help and won't go to hosp without a fight so it's going to be stressful for everyone. I'm just hoping she comes out the other end, the woman she was and realises that everything we are doing is because we love her and want her to be safe. Thanks for listening, feels better writing it out.

INickedAName It sounds rather terrifying all round.

That sounds awful, Inicked - but you sound like a lovely DIL. I hope your MIL gets the help she so clearly needs.

INicked

Andy Murray shocked by the response to him appointing Mauresmo:
www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/tennis/32779092

Thank you, SIL has just rung and the gp has referred mil to be assessed (her app is this afternoon) he did this reluctantly, but SIL argued that mil really really can't be left alone for her own safety and as much as we'd like to have her stay with us (or take turns in staying with her at her home) it's not possible as, it really hurts us to say to say this, she isn't safe to be around the dc.
It's hoping that after the assessment they will admit her, not sure what happens if mil refuses to be admitted, I was going to offer to go with SIL for support but am going to collect all the dc from school instead so that SIL can have some time to herself or arrange for someone to be with mil tonight if she's not admitted, depending on what happens at the assessment.

Good luck, INickedAName - having had an alcoholic mother... I wish you strength for it.