Feminist pub XIX: The Bluestocking meanders into May

[YonicScrewdriver]

We're running at about six weeks per pub at the moment! So if you want chat with a feminist flavour, or with fellow feminists, or just want to admire our patriarchy blaster cannon and goat - welcome!

Last pub Here

[UptoapointLordCopper]

Yes sweet - people simply describe boys' and girls' behaviours differently. Little girls tearing down the pavement to school. No comment. Little boys tearing down the pavement to school - Ooh! Aren't they boisterous! Well, boys will be boys. Fuck off.

That's why I have mental earplugs on when I'm out and about these days ...

[kickassangel]

Congratulations MsDragons & MrDragons - amazed that you found time to MN on your wedding day, but good to share it with you.

INicked, best of luck. Hope all goes well, and being seen quickly is the best thing.

About soft play - DD is on the spectrum and often utterly oblivious to what is going on around her, so would act 'just like a boy' in those circumstances (or be overwhelmed and come to sit with me). So that means that she's a tomboy, of course!

[SweetAndFullOfGrace]

Congratulations Dragons

LordC I wish more parents of boys did what you do! I'm already fighting a very mild pitched battle with the various parents we're friends with who insist on coming out with "he's a boy so he does blah blah blah" tripe, usually excusing inconsiderate behaviour.

Ironically they often seem to do this just as DD is doing something traditionally seen as "little boy" behaviour, like crash tackling one of the boys and making him cry (she's 19 months old so this is toddler standard stuff, we are introducing manners as much as possible ) but they just don't seem to see this evidence since it doesn't align with their perception. And thus we shape our children. Sigh.

[MsDragons]

And NoTech, I had those same thoughts at soft play today (at my wedding reception ) All the girls were aware of younger children, helping them when they needed it etc, while the majority of the boys ran around knocking children out of the way and thumping their friends which stopped the younger/less boistrous children from going anywhere near them. There were a few exceptions in both directions, most notably my nephew who is 14 and was incredibly gentle with dd2 who is 5, and the various toddlers who needed help climbing up things.

[MsDragons]

INicked. I hope it all turns out to be nothing, I'll be thinking of you.

My wedding went well, very relaxed, everyone happy. The only slight blip was when we arrived at the pub and they had absolutely no record of our booking Luckily, its a cheap and cheerful pub which serves pub grub and it only took them half an hour to get us a table sorted. We sat in the bar and sent the children to the play area while we waited. I also had a mild discussion with mil about me not changing my name, but happily she's not one to make a big scene and everyone else accepts my premise that if it's important for us to have the same name he's welcome to change his to mine. I suspect that she'll address every card she ever sends us to Mr and Mrs his name, but I can cope with that since I've primed all my friends to address things to Ms and Mr Myname

[NoTechnologicalBreakdown]

He's fine, it was just a little bump. More surprise than anything. Thanks!

[UptoapointLordCopper]

Hope your DS is OK.

I know what you mean. I'm forever telling my DSs that they are to look out for smaller persons, just like people look out for them when they are smaller. Now DS1 seems just to be plagued by smaller people tagging along with him... Hopefully he'll continue to be nice, but who knows ...

[NoTechnologicalBreakdown]

Good luck INicked

I've been ruminating on my experience at softplay earlier. Being hols and damp there were a lot of kids there. I was watching the difference between the way the boys ran around and the girls. Both were excited of course, but the girls fundamentally never forgot other kids were there, whereas the boys pushed and shoved.

I had my 2 yr old ds in the toddler zone (signed, with max height chart) when a pair of these 7/ 8 yr olds ran in. I thought, 'oh-oh' but didn't get to him in time before these two lads just knocked him out of their way, down a slide. I shouted, which I'm not particularly proud of (they hurt my baaa-byyyy!) but it did the trick.

It's not that these were nasty boys. They were not unpleasant, they were not malicious. They did not like me yelling and went when told to! They just weren't aware that there was another child there. A bunch of 7-8 yr old girls in tbe toddler zone, excited or not, fine - they've always been brought up to watch out for others. A pair of British lads who get excited, they've always been taught to just compete, be rough, put themselves first, knock others out of the way. And then these grow up to be British men and we wonder why there's a problem (I've seen continental boys being less inconsiderate). And I have to send my ds to school with them and he'll probably come out much the same unless I can somehow be a miraculously good parent, which seems unlikely. Sigh.

[SweetAndFullOfGrace]

INicked

[UptoapointLordCopper]

inicked

[DepthFirstSearch]

INicked . I've been there, the worst bit is the wait so it's very good that they are seeing you that quickly.

[HarryLimeFoxtrot]

I think your reaction is normal INicked - it does sound like everything is moving quickly. As Errol rightly says, you'll know the next step soon, which is good even if it doesn't feel like that now

[ErrolTheDragon]

in lieu of handhold. Glad you're not having to wait for the appointment at least - the sooner you know, the sooner you can either stop worrying or start treatment.

[INickedAName]

Sneaking in for a hand holding.

Found a lump in breast earlier this week, had doctors app today and I'm off to the hospital tomorrow for biopsy and mammogram (was meant to be the 20th but they've had cancelation) , have been told they try to give results when there.

Expected the doctor to send me away with antibiotics. Shitting myself.

[ErrolTheDragon]

Congratulations - hope you have a wonderful day!


I've never really had to deal with social pressure to drink. My mother was teetotal because she simply didn't like it (her first experience of alcohol was as a young teen being given a shot of whisky during the Liverpool blitz, put her off for life). But she was the life and soul of a party without the need for alcohol so we just never got any of that sort of crap. And then I guess I've always had 'sensible' friends, and now DH is on enough meds for his liver to handle so we partake rarely and sparsely (one bottle of beer between us occasionally). I did buy a bottle of rose last week in the hope of a few summer evenings. DD shows no signs of wanting to drink - I think she's the sort who wouldn't ike feeling out of control (and she's capable of being daft and merry without ). DH and I wonder if we should make her imbibe an alcopop or two so she knows what it feels like in case of spiking at some point.

[StormyBrid]

Congrats, Dragons! I hope you have a lovely day, and that everything goes according to plan.

[DepthFirstSearch]

Aww congratulations, Dragon!

[INickedAName]

Hope you all have a great day Dragon Congratulations.

[MsDragons]

Thanks I'm about to go and have my hair done. Dd2 is desperate to put her pretty dress on already, but I'm putting her off til closer to the time.

[YonicScrewdriver]

Thanks for that "finally" LordC

Though courgettes ARE tremendous.

[UptoapointLordCopper]

(I read "Tremendous courgette" and thought Yonic has lost her mind finally but it turned out it's me who's losing my marbles ...)

[YonicScrewdriver]

Tremendous congratters, Dragons!

[UptoapointLordCopper]

Dragons Congratulations. Have fun!

[MsDragons]

I'm getting married today I feel like I should be doing something, but I can't think what needs to be done.