Lurkers ahoy! Friendly thread to dip your toe in the murky seas of feminism

[cailindana]

A thread specifically for those who feel a bit out of their depth.

Ask questions, make comments.

All queries taken seriously. No sarcasm, no putdowns.

I couldn't breastfeed, they tried me on drugs to stimulate milk production but nothing. With the first baby I felt so pressured by the HV to BF that I ended up telling her I was still BFing long after I'd moved to bottle feeding.

It was much better with the second baby luckily, but I still felt like I'd failed when I couldn't BF. Couldn't shake the experience and how it made me feel.

Bella, nicely explained re trans etc.

Thank you, was hard to condense it!

But even then people try to tell women their bodies aren't good enough. Formula used to be marketed as 'better' because it was scientifically designed by men. Women still get told that their milk might not be 'good enough.'

Yes, and there are companies now that charge you to "test" your milk to make sure it's good enough it's fucking designed for babies. It's good enough.

Wtf?! How could breast milk not be good enough?! Surely the only risks are if you are on certain drugs and you wouldn't need a test to know that!

I'm also another big time lurker, I joined mumsnet about 8 years ago, I go through phases of spending hours and hours on here to taking a break for a month or two.
I've been lurking in the FWR boards a lot in the last few months, and have learnt so much and I'm feeling that vertigo type feeling mentioned earlier and it can be overwhelming, especially with regards to my dad's attitude towards me and my life, he passed away suddenly a few years ago and sometimes I get pissed off as he's not here for me to challenge and also at myself for just accepting a lot of things.
My 9 yr old dd has been taking an interest too and it's been lovely having chats with her, I'm inspired by how confident she is in herself and the way she challenges the world around her, it might sound silly but I wish I could take just an ounce of her attitude and confidence and apply it to myself.
I am hoping to get some of the books mentioned next week but I was wondering if there are any good podcasts anyone could recommend? I have found a couple but more is always good.
I've only read the first half of the thread but wanted to comment before I went to bed, look forward to catching up tomorrow.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/may/19/mymilkcount-breastfeeding-mums-milk-isnt-good-enough

bella. although just clicked on the website of the company discussed and their account has been suspended!

Can I leap in and not be savaged for asking questions on gender, trans and sexuality.

If people believe gender is a social construct is my sexuality linked to just a physical manifestation then? Or a social construct?

Do leap in Front!

In my opinion, and as far as I can make out it's the same for others, sexuality is tied to biological sex primarily, so not necessarily a social construct.

Sexuality is a bit of a strange subject in the radfem/trans activist debate as well actually (at this rate, what isn't?)

Some trans activists think that as trans women are women with no question that lesbians who do not want to sleep with a pre-op TW are being transphobic. And that a TW's penis isn't like a man's penis, and is actually a "female penis" so shouldn't be an issue for lesbians.

The radfem stance is that lesbians are likely to be lesbians more because they do not want to have sex that involves a penis, so are totally within their rights to not date TW if they don't want to.

This debate doesn't seem to happen wrt gay men so far as I've seen.

Wrt gender and sexuality being social constructs - IMO gender is a social construct (mostly) sexuality is a biological urge mediated, shaped, controlled and informed by gender and other social constructs.

I can't get into the trans thing for now, it makes me too angry.

cailin I kow, I'm trying so hard to just give the facts without making judgements - hard to do when it makes me so damn angry.

The trans thing is like the muslim thing. 0.01% of a group making all the noise and shouting extreme things, whereas the other 99.99% are lovely and just want to be allowed to get on with their life.

Hi mumwith, I think it's grew that you're arming your 9 year old with knowledge. If I can offer advice (feel free to totally ignore!) I would say, hard as it is, try not to sugar coat any of the issues you discuss with her. You may do this already of course. I don't mean hit her with graphic detail, I just mean don't fall into the trap of telling her she can do what she wants if she just puts her mind to it - that's not true.
I don't know of any relevant podcasts sorry.

I think it's great

Agreed EvilTiggyD, it's mad. I'm actually more concerned with how many non-trans people are giving in to them rather than pointing out that the majority of trans people aren't necessarily on their side. They shouldn't get to speak for so many.

From the little I know of trans and the couple of people I know, most do just want to get on with being themselves and living their lives. I would agree with the Islamic comparison - a few extremists making a big noise but not at all representative of the group they claim to represent.

so are totally within their rights to not date TW if they don't want to It's this stance that I find inexplicable (not yours Bella but he general argument).

It's like it's giving me ethical permission to have a sexual response (for or against)

I'd love to be able to control it because it's led me to make some sorry decisions in the past!!! But it is what it is?

Absolutely, should point out, it's why I've deliberately said "trans activist" not just "trans" when referring to certain viewpoints.

That probably wasn't the best choice of words, what I was trying to get across is that while some trans activists think lesbians should be forced to have sex with someone with a penis (or be branded transphobic), the radfem position is that it is up to no one else to decide who has sex with who. No one should be demonised for their sexual preferences.

Yes to the breast feeding comments. I feel utter bitterness from the treatment I received when struggling to feed DC1. I can't really express my feelings because they are so emotional and ranty. She is 22!!!!! It scarred me