Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

Men have done such a number on us that even women don't even know what rape is

597 replies

cailindana · 13/10/2014 20:56

Now I know Judy Finnegan is not a paragon of intellectual prowess.

But still, I would never have thought such stupidity could fall from her lips: www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-29598732

She said the rape was "not violent." So what was it then? Friendly? Enjoyable? Just a little game?

How how how how how do we live in a world where a woman can't recognise the extreme violence of having your body used by another person?

OP posts:
BrightonB83 · 16/10/2014 18:34

Yonic - that is a very strange and nonsensical post! Some of the men in my life are bigger than other - why wouldn't they understand the 'threat'?

BrightonB83 · 16/10/2014 18:35

No Yonic, I am not make! Although I don't understand why having a fanny or a cock would change the way you viewed me.

YonicScrewdriver · 16/10/2014 18:35

I dunno about the men in your life - you don't seem to understand the threat.

BrightonB83 · 16/10/2014 18:36

Because there is no threat

YonicScrewdriver · 16/10/2014 18:37

Doesn't change the way I view you, just wondered if you had much experience of feeling a sense of threat from people more physically powerful than you.

YonicScrewdriver · 16/10/2014 18:37

How do you think the man in scenario 2 would react to being told to shut up, as you advise?

BrightonB83 · 16/10/2014 18:40

Assuming his behaviour is pushy but not violent he might get sulky and moody at the very extreme a bit stompy & shouty.

5madthings · 16/10/2014 18:45

Getting sulky, Moody or stompy and shouty is not ok either and someone who regularly sulks in a way to try and manipulate another person is being emotionally abusive.

Seriously do you think it is normal and ok for men to pester for sex or to sulk when they don't get it?!

BrightonB83 · 16/10/2014 18:47

5madthings - yes they are being manipulative! But they are not raping you if you give consent to sex to keep them happy.

It is normal for men and women to sulk when they are hurt or have not got their own way - the degree changes and it depends what you see as normal.

YonicScrewdriver · 16/10/2014 18:48

"Assuming his behaviour is pushy but not violent "

Can you safely make this assumption? Based on scenario 2? Until now, this man hasn't stopped with his pestering and stomping until he's got his own way ie acquiescence to sex. Today, he's not going to get his own way, he's being told to shut up.

What does the woman in scenario 2 fear?

YonicScrewdriver · 16/10/2014 18:49

"t is normal for men and women to sulk when they are hurt or have not got their own way -"

No it isn't.

BrightonB83 · 16/10/2014 18:53

Yonic - I am afraid it is!

PetulaGordino · 16/10/2014 18:53

It is not normal to stomp and shout and grumble your way to penetrative sex. Anyone who thinks that is innate and normal behaviour from a man must have an extraordinarily low opinion of them. I know they are capable of better than that

BrightonB83 · 16/10/2014 18:55

I think it is normal for both men and women to sulk at times.

MyEmpireOfDirt · 16/10/2014 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PetulaGordino · 16/10/2014 18:58

If that is normal then what on earth is the point in parenting?

YonicScrewdriver · 16/10/2014 18:58

Brighton, have you been in relationships where your male partner sulked after you saying you didn't want sex?

BrightonB83 · 16/10/2014 19:01

Hands up who has never sulked in adulthood

YonicScrewdriver · 16/10/2014 19:03

I'll ask again:

Brighton, have you been in relationships where your male partner sulked after you saying you didn't want sex?

Sabrinnnnnnnna · 16/10/2014 19:03

It's really not acceptable for adults to sulk, you know -even my 12 yr old knows this! I've always hated sulking with a passion though, so am extremely unlikely to go out with someone who does.

Is it really that usual? Obviously is in the circles Brighton moves in Confused

5madthings · 16/10/2014 19:10

Er no it's not normal for adults to sulk when they don't get their own way!

And done repeatedly esp if it is about sex or the lack of is abusive behaviour.

Do my partner and I sometimes feel grumpy or angry even with each other? Yes. Do we sulk and take out our bad mood on each other? No. That kind of emotional manipulative behaviour is not normal or healthy esp in a relationship.

MyEmpireOfDirt · 16/10/2014 19:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PetulaGordino · 16/10/2014 19:13

Hands up who has sulked as an adult and thought it was normal behaviour

turbonerd · 16/10/2014 19:16

I find saying yonic has a problem is very offensive. If someone is depriving you of sleep as a means to get you to "consent" to sex, you are NOT the one with a problem.
You seem to think that these sort of things only happen to weak people, in a put up or shut up kind of way. It is very offensive because it is not true. To be charitable I shall put it down to Brighton never having experienced this Level of badgering
Actually, fuck it, being charitable is going nowhere. It is more than offensive, it as a spectacuksrly dimwitted remark in the Extreme after everything that has been
discussed on this thread. My mouth fell open in disbelief.
I'm disengaging now.

turbonerd · 16/10/2014 19:18

Spectacularly, dammit.