Feminist Pub VII - Chat, questions, random thoughts too small for a thread ...

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

Just setting this up while we finish off the last few posts on the old thread. Come in and pull up a bar stool!

But... I imagine power tools, for

... One, Are designed for larger hands.

It's the noise I don't like. Same reason why I don't hoover.

I suppose it's okay, because I'm not handing over DIY tasks to a man, any man. I'm handing them over to someone who enjoys them. But when we were tiny my brother and I were both fascinated by how things work, we loved taking things apart and putting them back together. Somewhere along the line that changed for him and not for me.

Whoops. Could everyone just mentally swap the pronouns in my last sentence?

We never had that problem when DH and I went on dates - we were both skint and we paid for ourselves.

But theoretically speaking - split the bill, unless by explicit special arrangement. I hope there are plenty of posters saying this on the thread? Do I dare to look?

When I last looked, the majority were saying that, LordC.
There was the odd "grey area" response where man picked an expensive restaurant without consulting single mother he was dating on cost, then paid half.

Surely it's whoever invites the other person? This was you don't end up embarrassing someone?

Yes... But when you start to date, does one really invite the other?

"I'd love to see you again" "me too" "how about Thursday?" "Sounds good. Dinner? Cinema?" "How about a pizza?" "Lovely!"

Agree Bill. I have never done formal dating of the - let me take you out to dinner variety. But when you discuss where to go next, you pick something you can both afford. So if one suggests an expensive restaurant the other can't afford, then you say sorry that is too expensive for me.

Oh I agree - said proposer of expensive restaurant was thoughtless and didn't get re-dated!

It's different for Americans bill . The British use sneak attack dating.

I was pretty much married to dh before I realised what happened

Has anyone been to Britghton Pride before with children? Is it OK? Used to go to the one near me and it was really good fun, bit raunchy but enough to out weigh the good.

*but not enough

I have never really gone on a formal 'date'. It's not something people I know seem to do much. We'd just meet for coffee or a pint in a friendly way (so obviously you pay for your own or agree 'I'll get yours next time'). Then if you like each other you might go for a meal and probably split it.

Once you are sleeping with someone, IMO you should have been able to have the conversation/drop hints about finances and know if you're roughly on the same page.

I'm sure it would be very romantic to be taken off to a posh restaurant by someone you didn't yet know well, but I think stresseful, too!

I've been on a formal date, without knowing quite in advance that was what it was. With the very arrogant Wall Streeter brother of a friend, whom friend asked me to meet as he was in town, friendless and bored. I thought I was doing friend a favour by hanging out with brother. Brother thought buying dinner meant he got sex. Oh how I laughed as I skipped off into a taxi.

I went on a one night stand once which was very dangerous as it led to a 20 year marriage with someone who proved to be less than great. How I wish American style dating had been more on the cards at the time.

I've really popped in to say that I am annoyed because I had a coversation today with a male work colleague about some changes which are happening and will affect how we do our jobs. He felt the changes were all bad whereas I think most of the changes will not make much difference but there is a chance they could be successful. I started most of my sentences with, "I see what you are saying but I think...." or "What you are saying might not happen because....." He began his sentences (which quite often interrupted mine) with "No......" or "It won't......" or "Not at all....." accompanied by much head shaking and moving/turning away from me once he'd made a point so I had to go to the effort of 'catching his eye' to make any counter-points.

Exhausting and depressing and frustrating. Mansplaining too, most of it.

Rosa How annoying!

Today I said to someone over the phone to stop warning me about cancelling AA membership because I do actually know how to shop for a breakdown cover. (Actually I have no idea what the free cover that came with the service covers but it's RAC and what can go wrong and in any case I wasn't going to pay for an incremental cover now, was I? But that's calculated risk and I will not be lectured on taking it.)

Watching Lorrainne, and she's Asking Anne Widdocome about having 'famously never been in a serious relationship'. I'm hardly fan of hers, but I'm going to assume there were a million more appropriate and more interesting questions?

This is why I don't watch morning TV.

Oh and also annoyed at myself for noticing her hair. it's quite lovely at moment

Something horribly embarrassing happened to me last night. A group of us from work were going out to dinner, I and one of the men were the last of the group, not obviously with the others, in conversation. My skirt rode up at the back and just as I became aware of this and surreptitiously (I thought) pulled it down, a man - a random stranger - came up to tell THE MAN WHOM I WAS WITH that my skirt was up too high. OH MY GOD THE SHAME. thank goodness I had just pulled it down so when everyone looked at it there was nothing to see. So I tried to just brush the whole thing away and walk off but the well-meaning stranger insisted that while you could not see a problem now, the whole thing had been out of control and it was very important that this serious matter be fully communicated to the man who he assumed to be my owner. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH I am only telling you all this under cover of anonymity

Fortunately this sane colleague had no interest in the matter of my skirt and was as intent as me on getting away and then pretending the whole thing had never happened

I enjoyed this, Graeber

www.salon.com/2014/06/01/help_us_thomas_piketty_the_1s_sick_and_twisted_new_scheme/

Not explicitly all-about-feminism but with a definite feminist slant in terms of valuing traditional "women's work"

That is just bizarre about the skirt mab.

So there's been a few pieces in the papers today about changing the slant of rape investigations to 'what did the accused do to confirm consent?' which is great imo.

But oh my the comments. WHY do I read them?? So many men with their innocent until guilty, different types of rape...

I don't know why so many men feel like they have a right to weigh in such unhelpful ways. Anyone who has done any research into rape and it's effects knows all that stuff is absolute bollocks yet there they are convinced they have something new to add.

Grr.