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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

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Original poster

What would you say if your dh went to a lap dancing club?

190 replies

crazy88 · 16/03/2014 09:02

This is a hypothetical question but dh is away this weekend and I just have a sneaking suspicion that he may have done this, mainly because of which friends he has gone with, one of whom I know has used prostitutes on more than one occasion.

I am not suggesting for a minute that he would do this, or be unfaithful, or actually pay for a lap dance (he would feel too embarrassed!) but he would go along if other people were going to a club.

From a feminist point of view, what would you say? I need something suitably withering and fact based as I am feeling frazzled and stressed from looking after our 3 ds's all weekend whilst trying to get house ready for guests this week

OP posts:

slithytove · 16/04/2014 18:15

Thanks snatch
I miss Lilly :(

FloraFox · 16/04/2014 18:57

figures from a blog - how authoritative.

Grennie · 16/04/2014 18:59

I actually don't care about figures. I can't see how anyone would think lapdancing is not exploitative of women.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 16/04/2014 19:07

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 16/04/2014 19:09

Yy Grennie. Which is why it's always annoying when some visitor arrives and says "ha! But hardly any police raids found trafficked women! So the sex trade is a Ok."

Err, no.

bigdog888 · 16/04/2014 19:31

Capt I'm not suggesting for a minute that all men lie about their visits. If you read my post you'll see that they're really not my bag (I just can't see how it's enjoyable) - the funny thing is though my DW has no issue with me going so I have no reason to lie to her. I'm just sharing my experiences (and these are generally nice, intelligent, well educated men who are kind, generous and otherwise upstanding members of the community)

Grennie · 16/04/2014 19:38

Men who go to lap dancing clubs are not nice, kind and generous men. They are scum.

bigdog888 · 16/04/2014 19:44

Well, if you met them and didn't know they like lap dancing you'd think they were nice, kind and generous (you know what I mean)

BriarRainbowshimmer · 16/04/2014 19:52

Why would generally nice, intelligent, well educated men who are kind, generous and otherwise upstanding members of the community go to stripclubs? Unless they're secret misogynists.

bigdog888 · 16/04/2014 19:55

I dunno to be honest, I really fail to see the attraction! They seem to love it though!

BuffytheReasonableFeminist · 16/04/2014 19:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CaptChaos · 16/04/2014 19:59

bigdog no, you said that men married to/in relationships with women who would be most anti lapdancing. That those men then lie about going so that their partners don't find out. That you are certain that those of us who have stated that it would be a deal breaker have partners who have been to lapdancing clubs and that they collude with their friends to lie to us. Nice, intelligent, well educated men who are kind, generous and otherwise upstanding members of the community don't go to lap dancing clubs, because you can't be those things and be a misogynistic twat at the same time.

CaptChaos · 16/04/2014 20:00

Thou rather sad about that.

Will make similar offers of endless damnation to others to see if they're up for it.

Totes for the lulz though, innit.

bigdog888 · 16/04/2014 20:02

No capt I said that some women for whom it would be a deal breaker have OHs who go/have been to lap dancing clubs (and I don't just mean on this thread but in life in general.) I actually know some FFS!

bigdog888 · 16/04/2014 20:04

Oh and these people are not pillars of the community btw just normal 'nice' law abiding citizens.

CaptChaos · 16/04/2014 20:05

bigdig then I pity you. You know some vile misogynists who lie to their partners. I find it strange to think that anyone would wish to continue a friendship with people like that, but then, there's nowt so queer as folk.

bigdog888 · 16/04/2014 20:11

It's actually quite sad how many people I know think like this. However do be reassured that we're not all like that!

sausageeggbacon11 · 16/04/2014 20:29

Grennie fact is the figures were obtained by a freedom of Information request from the Met Police. It is something anyone who wants to can check (not that I would). And also the figures from Newquay obtained by the press also show that rape dropped when a club opened. So close a club rape goes up and open one rape goes down. If anyone claims clubs are linked to rape, for me, they will need so pretty good statistics to back it.

As for exploitation, as people here know, my neighbour dances and she exercises free choice. She has worked in the industry for over 5 years and yes the club make money but then so do the dancers. The choose to exploit the men and see them as walking cash points. So a bit of who is exploiting whom? Would suggest you speak to current dancers if you want to truly understand. Otherwise your just exercising a subjective view.

And sorry for the tiny NC the password reset was linked to an old e-mail account and decided to start anew.

Grennie · 16/04/2014 20:38

I don't think it is okay to create a class of women who get sexually exploited and abused, so that other women are not raped.

bigdog888 · 16/04/2014 20:54

So, serious question - how can I start to change my friends' attitudes on this without going on the attack?

VinoTime · 16/04/2014 20:55

It genuinely wouldn't bother me.

By the same token, if I decided I wanted to go see a stripper to mark some kind of event, such as a hen do, I wouldn't expect any man I was with to be bothered by it. And if he was, tough shit. I'm not hanging about to be told what I can or cannot do or instructed on what he deems to be 'acceptable' behaviour on my part.

A man visiting a strip club on a stag do does not make him a misogynist. Just as my cheering on a stripper at a hen do does not make me a misandrist.

If you have strong opinions either way, surely the simplest solution is to be with somebody like-minded to avoid any future issues? Personally, I don't think there's a right or a wrong way to think about this. Think how you will

JeanSeberg · 16/04/2014 21:38

More importantly - why are you friends with these people in the first place?

CaptChaos · 16/04/2014 22:16

So, serious question - how can I start to change my friends' attitudes on this without going on the attack?

Have nothing more to do with them. Why on earth would you want to be friends with people who see others as nothing more than a set of body parts to be ogled?

peggyundercrackers · 17/04/2014 07:52

some of these arguments seem to leave behind the fact that some woman want to lap dance and do it of their own free will, they arent bullied into it - they arent coerced into it - they like making money, my friend takes home about 1000 a week...

why are other woman bullying them to stop what they want to do?

jeanseberg captchaos if we stopped being friends with people who did things we didnt like we wouldnt be friends with anyone - where do you draw the line?

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 17/04/2014 07:55

Where you draw the line is up to you, Peggy. Obviously.

If you knew someone who made racist or homophobic comments, would you stay friends with them?

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