Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

What would you say if your dh went to a lap dancing club?

190 replies

crazy88 · 16/03/2014 09:02

This is a hypothetical question but dh is away this weekend and I just have a sneaking suspicion that he may have done this, mainly because of which friends he has gone with, one of whom I know has used prostitutes on more than one occasion.

I am not suggesting for a minute that he would do this, or be unfaithful, or actually pay for a lap dance (he would feel too embarrassed!) but he would go along if other people were going to a club.

From a feminist point of view, what would you say? I need something suitably withering and fact based as I am feeling frazzled and stressed from looking after our 3 ds's all weekend whilst trying to get house ready for guests this week Confused Angry

OP posts:
BuffytheReasonableFeminist · 09/04/2014 11:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thouneedsbedamned · 09/04/2014 11:07
Beastofburden · 09/04/2014 11:08

But slithy why save Maria Mag? she was doing good and useful work in that brothel, apparently. The men who visited her there were quite right to do so, their wives were being obediently subjected to them and didn't mind.

BuffytheReasonableFeminist · 09/04/2014 11:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CakeExpectations · 09/04/2014 11:11

Oh dear Lilly, did someone get out of the wrong side of the bed this morning?

Rather a swift turnaround from PA insults to religious- indoctrination-style ramblings.

Thouneedsbedamned · 09/04/2014 11:11

Feck knows but I regularly covet my neighbours ox.

Its a damn fine ox.

slithytove · 09/04/2014 11:18

buffy in no way do I think that all women who are dancers or otherwise employed in the sex industry have a choice. The select few I've been to, they do. Educated (or being educated) women choosing to work a few hours a week for the most money they can get. Often with dance training. They laugh at the men. (I waitressed in one hence the knowledge).

These, I'm ok with. The sex industry as a whole I'm not, the countries, the places where the women do it because they are forced into it through a lack of choice, I'm not.

If you would like to direct me to the other threads, I will be happy to read. I'm not closed minded about this in the slightest. I know it's pretty contradictory to be ok with OH visiting a club but not having a dance - though that for me is down to the look but don't touch mentality which is our 'line' not to cross.

Conflicted little soul aren't i Grin glad you think I'm amusing though (crosses fingers for redemption>

beast Jesus was selfish (bet that's not been said often!) he wanted mary all to himself. Personally I think it's a mother thing. lilly any insights?

Bramshott · 09/04/2014 11:23

I'd sympathise as I would imagine he'd hate it!

AFreudianSlip · 12/04/2014 21:42

I have just read this thread and have brought up the whole lap dancing thing with my OH.

He does not go to lap dancing clubs now, although has been to a couple in his teenage years.

He agreed that women should not be objectified and that the increase in lap dancing clubs on the high street is shocking etc BUT he kept repeating that although men produce the demand in today's society (in the UK) these women have a choice to work in these clubs. I said that for various reasons many don't but don't really know much more of the issue.

I'm really interested to know more facts on these issues....sorry to hijack the thread op. X

rutters1 · 13/04/2014 22:19

Would all the above apply to women who go to watch male strippers where full nudity is demanded by the audience and touching is allowed?

CaptChaos · 13/04/2014 23:05

Back again rutters1?

Yes, it would. While the way that women are objectified by every single aspect of society is different from the way that the tiny number of men who take part in these shows is. Yes, I would be a deal breaker as well. In this case, it's about trust.

BuffytheReasonableFeminist · 14/04/2014 11:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BuffytheReasonableFeminist · 14/04/2014 11:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

peggyundercrackers · 14/04/2014 12:49

it wouldnt bother me but thats because we have 2 friends who have been lapdancers. one of them has given up, the other still does it - shes very open and very forward, i couldnt imagine anyone could bully her as she certainly isnt shy in coming forward - she does private parties on her own, controls her own bookings etc. and does very well out of it - her private parties are about 100 times worse than the activities she gets up to in her lapdancing career - what she does would make most peoples toes curl.

as for lapdancing, we have spoken about it at some length between me/her not me/DH- its money to her - she reckons men dont generally get turned on - she says very few do moan about not getting a hard on but it is very few.

BuffytheReasonableFeminist · 14/04/2014 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

peggyundercrackers · 14/04/2014 13:26

buffy she reckoned there were 4 types of people went to the clubs she worked in.

  1. the guys on a boys night out - smallish groups of men who go in for a bit before they go to a club - they go in have a few drinks, some get a dance or 3 and then they move onto a nightclub full of bravado.
  1. the ones who go in because in because there is absolutely no chance of a fight and there isnt all the dickhead people in there that would be in a nightclub. In the club she worked in drunks didnt get served, they would be turfed out and there was absolutely no trouble whatsoever.
  1. the letches - they would go and get turned on etc. and generally letch over girls
  1. the rest were just ordinary blokes who thought it was a chance to see naked woman(yes that sounds juvenile), not all the men had private dances though. They had a stage at one end of the room/club where each girl would take a turn to get up on it and do her thing and she would normally get naked by the end of a dance for a short period of time and a lot of blokes would just watch this while they were chatting/drinking etc.

She also thought a few people didnt mind their men going there instead of a night club because it was safer in terms of their men behaving themselves. In lapdancing clubs there is generally no drunk girls/woman wandering about who were half dressed like you see in nightlcubs so there was less chance of their men cheating on them once they had their beer goggles on.

Grennie · 15/04/2014 17:40

The realities of lap dancing clubs

www.theguardian.com/world/2008/mar/19/gender.uk

I would leave my DP, a total total deal breaker

Joylin · 16/04/2014 01:11

I wouldn't care if he went or if he got a lapdance. I'd ask if he had a good time, that's it.

Greensleeves · 16/04/2014 01:21

I'd say "pack your shit and fuck off"

bigdog888 · 16/04/2014 13:00

The reality in my experience is that about 25% of the men in the groups I've been on stags etc with aren't really into lap dancing and will maybe just go in for a drink and a chill out or maybe just go back to the hotel. The rest are pretty much mad for it and will spend quite a lot of time and money in these places. The lads most up for it are the ones whose OHs would be the most anti lap dancing. The simple truth is that the OHs never find out and any questions about visiting these kind of places are simply denied. I'm in the 'not for me' camp btw! I'm absolutely certain that some of the LTB camp have OHs who have done this kind of thing but you will simply never find out. A lot of what goes on will never leave the group that was there - not even to other good friends etc.

sausageeggbacon11 · 16/04/2014 14:36

Grennie the article referring to the Lilith report is out of date. Eaves removed Lilith from their website about 10 months ago and even Object have now removed it. In fact figures from a blog show that over 12 years (longer than the 3 chosen years that were originally used) rape fell. This was also compared to Wandsworth that lost striptease and saw rape go up.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 16/04/2014 14:49

I thought this thread was shaping up to be a waste of pixels, but then rosa, slithy and thou genuinely made me, err, LOL.

Thouneedsbedamned · 16/04/2014 17:00

I just love making other people lol snatch

My "friend" hasn't come back to damn me to hell yet. Pity. Sad

CaptChaos · 16/04/2014 17:08

Thou I'm happy to damn you to hell if it will make you happy?

I sadly missed the biblical vomiting on the thread.

Oh, and bigdog I know exactly whether or not my DH has been to a lap dancing club thanks. Just because you wouldn't be honest, please don't project. LOL

Thouneedsbedamned · 16/04/2014 17:27

It's not the same Capt Sad

She was so right about everything I couldn't possibly accept damnation from anyone else.

Thanks though Hun Wink