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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

What would you say if your dh went to a lap dancing club?

190 replies

crazy88 · 16/03/2014 09:02

This is a hypothetical question but dh is away this weekend and I just have a sneaking suspicion that he may have done this, mainly because of which friends he has gone with, one of whom I know has used prostitutes on more than one occasion.

I am not suggesting for a minute that he would do this, or be unfaithful, or actually pay for a lap dance (he would feel too embarrassed!) but he would go along if other people were going to a club.

From a feminist point of view, what would you say? I need something suitably withering and fact based as I am feeling frazzled and stressed from looking after our 3 ds's all weekend whilst trying to get house ready for guests this week Confused Angry

OP posts:
BriarRainbowshimmer · 09/04/2014 09:49

Can someone tell me what the appeal is to go to a lapdancing club as a woman and not a sexist bloke.

Seems like the saddest place ever to me.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 09/04/2014 10:14

I think the appeal for women is to show how 'cool' you are: ie. non-'prudish', edgy, non-jealous etc.

I think the poster who said that the men that go to these places, don't tend to be married to feminists has it about right.

I can spot a bloke who has a less-than-good attitude about women's equality at 20 paces - always have been able to. I married a bloke who sees men and women as equals. He sees women as humans - he wouldn't be remotely interested in women talking/dancing/stripping/doing sexual favours for him just because he paid them to.

slithytove · 09/04/2014 10:27

I think it's both Sabrina

But I don't want the thread to end so I'm happy Grin

Btw I quite like these sort of clubs and I'm neither cool nor a woman hater. And I'm quite a jealous little creep at times too.

LillyRose28 · 09/04/2014 10:30

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BriarRainbowshimmer · 09/04/2014 10:31

Why do you like them? What's appeal of seeing other women having to pretend to be sexual so they can get money from leering men?

BriarRainbowshimmer · 09/04/2014 10:33

Wow Lilly that's a big change from babes xx

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 09/04/2014 10:34

Interesting, slithy - I wasn't aware of that take on it - an online discussion of the Third Reich or the Holocaust is pretty much an impossibility then Grin

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 09/04/2014 10:35

LOL Lilly, pmsl - u so rite babe xxxx

BuffytheReasonableFeminist · 09/04/2014 10:46

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Nocomet · 09/04/2014 10:46

So long as he put it on expenses I wouldn't care.

LillyRose28 · 09/04/2014 10:51

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Purplehonesty · 09/04/2014 10:52

Dh has been to one on a stag do. I wasn't overly impressed with him but it was a one off and I trust him so that was that. We didn't bring it up again.

Purplehonesty · 09/04/2014 10:53

Riiiiight Lilly.... As you were op.

SandorCleganeIsInnocent · 09/04/2014 10:54

I would be so so embarrassed to go one of those places or know H had been there.

To have to pay women to talk to you? How embarrassing and sad.

To pay women to dance for you? Cringe, cringe, cringe. How can they overlook the fact that she most likely finds you disgusting?

I see it as a desperate attempt to think as yourself as powerful and attractive when you are not. If you need to pay people to be nice to you then all that means is you have money...and are a sad lech.

That's before we get into the exploitation angle.

lilly Tut tut...if you tried a bit harder to keep your man happy, he wouldn't go to those places. Despite what you accuse, it's not our H's out seeking other women is it...it's yours. Hmm.

slithytove · 09/04/2014 10:55

Wow Lilly...

Are you on your period? Grin

Sabrina I was thinking that, perhaps there is a loophole which states that if it's in the first post, GL is uninvokeable?

Brian was that directed at me? I'm not really sure. Just that this sort of place was common for socialising where I grew up, I always got on really well with the girls, and it was in general a good night out. Perhaps not the big deal it is here. In the places I have been I often end up chatting with the woman (and making friends and attending dance lessons!) and the whole pretend to be sexual thing is more than offset by the money. So it is an informed choice not born out of necessity.

That is not to say that all clubs are like this, I know they are not and it is very different in different cultures too.

There are some places however which do cross that line of the dancers having a choice, which I am uncomfortable in. Lap dancing clubs (the ones I choose to go to) have not crossed that line.

But I really don't want to get into a debate about the rights and wrongs of lap dancing. I have no interest in changing anyone's mind and my opinion is more convoluted then I have expressed here. Plus I am on holiday Grin and brain has shut off.

BuffytheReasonableFeminist · 09/04/2014 10:55

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LillyRose28 · 09/04/2014 10:56

10 Bible reasons why a wife must submit to her husband regardless of culture:

Creation order: Man was created first, woman second. "For it was Adam who was first created, and then Eve. " 1 Timothy 2:13
Creation origin: Man and all creation was created by God directly out of dust, whereas woman was created through the man's rib. "Then the Lord God formed man of dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being. " Genesis 2:7 Woman is the only creature not made from dust. Woman derives her origin from Man. "The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. " Genesis 2:22 "For man does not originate from woman, but woman from man" 1 Corinthians 11:8
Creation purpose: Woman created for man: "for indeed man was not created for the woman's sake, but woman for the man's sake." 1 Corinthians 11:9
Man named woman: Adam named the animals and was to rule over them. "Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. " Genesis 2:19 "rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth." Genesis 1:28 When Eve was brought to Adam, he named her, showing he was to rule over woman as well. "The man said, "This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man."" Genesis 2:23
Delegation principle: God commanded directly to Adam alone. The prohibition to not eat of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, was made directly by God to Adam. Adam, in turn relayed what God said to Eve. Eve had not yet been created when God told Adam about the forbidden tree. Eve never actually heard God say this direct, but had to trust Adam's word on the matter. "The Lord God commanded the man, saying, "From any tree of the garden you may eat freely; but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat from it you will surely die." Then the Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him."" Genesis 2:16-18
Woman sinned first: The devil tempted Eve and she, not the man, was first deceived. Because of this, man put Eve under the headship of Adam. "And it was not Adam who was deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression. " 1 Timothy 2:14; "Now the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said to the woman, "Indeed, has God said, 'You shall not eat from any tree of the garden'?"" Genesis 3:1
God rebuked Adam first after they ate the forbidden fruit: Although Eve was the logical person for God to rebuke first, God went to Adam, showing that God considered Adam the "head of the family" for both. "Then the Lord God called to the man, and said to him, "Where are you?" " Genesis 3:9
Man is the glory of God, woman is the glory of man: "For a man is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man." 1 Corinthians 11:7
Paul pointed Christians to the Mosaic Law that was 1500 earlier and a different culture: 1 Cor.14:34
Peter pointed Christians to Sarah, 2000 years earlier and a very different culture: 1 Pet. 3:5-6.

Thouneedsbedamned · 09/04/2014 10:56

Oh dear oh dear.

Projection is such an ugly trait Lilly.

Are you unhappy? Do you want to talk about it?

We are all friends here.

BuffytheReasonableFeminist · 09/04/2014 10:57

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Thouneedsbedamned · 09/04/2014 10:58

Lilly has been a very naughty boy.....Grin

slithytove · 09/04/2014 11:02

Lilly

I have a massive problem with what you just wrote, and I think it's completely inappropriate and pretty offensive. I'm stunned you even expect people to read it.

there are no paragraphs

Beastofburden · 09/04/2014 11:02

Does this mean that Jesus used to go to lap dancing clubs?

if not, why not?

BuffytheReasonableFeminist · 09/04/2014 11:04

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slithytove · 09/04/2014 11:05

beast it's where he met Mary Magdalene.

He saved her

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 09/04/2014 11:05

10 Bible reasons why a wife must submit to her husband regardless of culture:

That culture = rape culture.

Women do not have to submit to their husbands.

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