What would you say if your dh went to a lap dancing club?

[crazy88]

This is a hypothetical question but dh is away this weekend and I just have a sneaking suspicion that he may have done this, mainly because of which friends he has gone with, one of whom I know has used prostitutes on more than one occasion.

I am not suggesting for a minute that he would do this, or be unfaithful, or actually pay for a lap dance (he would feel too embarrassed!) but he would go along if other people were going to a club.

From a feminist point of view, what would you say? I need something suitably withering and fact based as I am feeling frazzled and stressed from looking after our 3 ds's all weekend whilst trying to get house ready for guests this week

Well lots of men do go to lapdancing clubs, and there are more and more of them on the high street, so clearly either all these men who are funding the industry are either lying about it, or have wives and partners who aren't bothered. So I do think you have to be clear. Sadly, some women don't care. sooperdooper upthread doesn't, for example. Although sooper touching does happen, it's not supposed to but it does.

Update: he didn't, he went to "some indie club", and judging by the odour, a curry house as well. I asked him straight out and I do believe him.

I am about to subject him to Mary beard on the telly whilst he does the ironing happy days

Oh is that the 'voice of women' programme OP, I'm recording it to watch later, looks interesting.

Glad he didn't go, are you going to have a proper talk with him now so that you understand each other. Do you think he will steer clear even if everyone else goes next time?

I wouldn't care. If he had a lap dance that would be a different matter. My DH's mates are incredibly 'laddy' and will likely expect this to be part of all their stag dos (none are married yet). They are also very young (we got married and had kids early so are still in early twenties), think i might feel different if they were all in their forties although i know thats probably unfair. While I think strip clubs are grim I know my DH and believe he wouldn't get all that much enjoyment out of them other than laughing and feeling a bit embarrassed.

I would say goodbye. It would be a deal breaker.

Glad your DH didn't go, Crazy88.

I'd ask him to book into the doctors because of fear he was suffering some sort of breakdown or brain disease or had had a bad bump to the head.

It is very simple. It's over.

The kind of useless, brainless, misogynistic, revolting little man who thinks nothing of going to places like this, where women are treated as less than human, is NOT the kind of man I want anywhere near me. Thankfully, my DH is pretty wonderful...he thinks men who go to these places are worthless little shits.

I would take him to the police station because he would obviously be an imposter looking to steal my collection of early 20th century school stories.

If it turned out not to be an imposter, I would ask him to close the door on the way out.

So, he didn't go to the Strip Club

But he is still a bloke who called the women that work in them "all mingers anyway"

You seem quite pleased about that bit though. I wouldn't be.

I wouldn't have a DH who went to a lap dancing club.

If I had inadvertently acquired a DH who did in fact do that, I would rectify the situation by getting rid of him.

I'm dismayed by the idea that you have to be, like, 40, you know, like really old and ugly, to think that lapdancing clubs and the attitudes that make them possible are horrendous.

Regardless of whether or not he actually went, just knowing that he wanted to go at all - ie, the point at which he even mentioned lapdancing/strip clubs - would be game over for me. Partly because I don't want to be with someone so intellectually inferior (and, I think, to find that sort of thing entertaining, you do have to be of a relatively low intellect - or, possibly, still be a teenager), partly because of the political objections to it and, also, partly because what it would say about his opinion of me - if he wants to go and look at other naked women, then looking at me naked obviously isn't that great. And I don't want to be with a man who thinks I am not great to look at, I want to be with a man who thinks I am wonderful.

Here's your suitcase, now fuck off!

Total dealbreaker for me.

I would be disappointed that he had been led astray by friends - because i am certain he would never do that off his own bat. it would change our relationship forever.

I don't think men who do go to lapdancing clubs have feminists as girlfriends or wives in the first place.

So you lot probably don't need to worry.

Most men have been or will go to a lap dancing club at some point in their lives. If you are secure in your relationship and in yourself you won't mind them going. You may get a twang of jealousy but this is more because you think your not as sexy as the dancers or have body hang ups. These women are not who most men want to marry and that's why they come home to you. A bit of harmless "boys" fun is ok in my opinion. And if your DH/DP says he would never go to one don't believe him they will lie just to shut you up lol

Oh btw it works both ways so by being reasonable with him he has to be reasonable with you when you tell him your going to watch dream boys with your girl friends!

My answer:

Are you ok my darling your appear to have misplaced your moral compass? May I assist you in locating it?

Lilly Funnily enough my DH thinks something similar. Not that it is harmless but yes, it is indeed an activity for "boys."

"And if your DH/DP says he would never go to one don't believe him they will lie just to shut you up lol"

Yes because lying to "shut you up" is so very LOL inducing isn't it?

Growing up a bit does wonders for the type of men you can attract. Try it sometime.

Lol.

I would say "Who are you, and what have you done with my Dp?"

If it turns out that it was him. I would say "Here is your bag and there is the door"

Thank you for that reply Thouneeds. To be honest I was struggling with a combination of rage, open-mouthed speechlessness and sadness at the level (some of) MN has sunk to.

So you said it for me.

Lilly, you are a bit of a Manpleaser, aren't you ? You should get that seen to.

My pleasure Cake

These threads probably aren't going to give you an accurate representation of what the rest of the population think.

Its just a perfect shit spouting opportunity for trolls/truckers/fuckers and the "cool WAGS" to tell us all how we are:

a. jealous
b.bitter
c.controlling
d.being lied to

Nice to see people projecting healthily though eh?

Really don't care. It's not my first choice. I've been before. Up to him really.