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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

What would you say if your dh went to a lap dancing club?

190 replies

crazy88 · 16/03/2014 09:02

This is a hypothetical question but dh is away this weekend and I just have a sneaking suspicion that he may have done this, mainly because of which friends he has gone with, one of whom I know has used prostitutes on more than one occasion.

I am not suggesting for a minute that he would do this, or be unfaithful, or actually pay for a lap dance (he would feel too embarrassed!) but he would go along if other people were going to a club.

From a feminist point of view, what would you say? I need something suitably withering and fact based as I am feeling frazzled and stressed from looking after our 3 ds's all weekend whilst trying to get house ready for guests this week Confused Angry

OP posts:
LillyRose28 · 08/04/2014 18:06

My sentiments exactly wishin! Beware of negative responses to your comment though these women are very defensive lol x

Weliveinabeautifulworld · 08/04/2014 18:07

I would be more hurt if he kept it a secret, as I value honesty in our relationship.

LillyRose28 · 08/04/2014 18:13

Lol thouneeds I love the sun newspaper! It's full of real women! I get it now, you had a dream didn't you and the sun said your not beautiful enough so now you have turned into this bitter angry girl who hates the world. I love dishcloths they help in my strict cleaning regime set by my man but I don't mind cause he bought me a maids outfit to do the cleaning in so I'm happy x make love not war x

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 08/04/2014 18:16

Lilly, that other post was funny. The latest not so much.

Thouneedsbedamned · 08/04/2014 18:16

Times are hard of comebacks when you are calling a faceless stranger on the internet ugly.

Is that the best you can do?

Try harder.

DoINeedToPutMyShoesOn · 08/04/2014 18:22

I'd say something like "you know the strippers don't actually like you don't you?" and mock him a bit.

LillyRose28 · 08/04/2014 18:33

I never said you were ugly babe and would never call anyone ugly! I just said you weren't beautiful enough for the sun newspaper and let's face it you know I don't mean it for all I know you could be the next miss world lol (was that an insult to a feminist like you?) anyway you are letting me get to you and this is the point, you are so bothered about what people say and you let (in your words) faceless strangers wind you up. Why does someone's opinion bother you so much? I wrote a fair comment at the start of this, it's how I feel and my own opinion but everyone started slating me including you. As women we should be able to form our own opinion and not be told our opinion is wrong. No opinion is wrong, it's just that, an opinion! God loves us all and he will be the only judge at the end of our time on earth not you, the women on here or myself. Like I said befor, make love not war x

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 08/04/2014 18:52
SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 08/04/2014 18:53

^ For the lolz innit xxx

JimmysMum1988 · 08/04/2014 19:14

I think walking in and having a drink wouldn't bother me, but parting with money for another woman to rub her self around him and I'd go ballistic

Sausageeggbacon · 08/04/2014 19:19

Sorry have to pipe in, I am guessing the number of partners who go and don't tell their partner is massive. Deal breaker for me wouldn't be DH going it would be DH lying.

So according to two dancers I have spoke to the number of guys who go and don't tell is larger than the single men who go. Guess a lot of men lie to us, fortunately DH knows it doesn't bother me and he has gone twice in the last 12 months, once with business and the other for a 50th birthday.

Still OP if you don't like it LTB

Thouneedsbedamned · 08/04/2014 19:57

Apologies for the delay Lilly I was realigning my idea of beauty.

I have decided to disembark my engineering carear and further study in pursuit of the much godlier goal of lap dancing.

Attached is my picture.
Dresses in full dancing regalia
I give you....DammnedDancer.

Consider me turned love.

What would you say if your dh went to a lap dancing club?
SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 08/04/2014 20:04

Thouneeds - u go, girl! u look gawjus, babe xxxx

Thouneedsbedamned · 08/04/2014 20:09

Thanx Hun x

NurseyWursey · 08/04/2014 20:11

I'd go apeshit and I don't think I could be with him.

I have friend's who are dancers, DP has had a girlfriend who was a dancer, and I thoroughly respect their decision to do what they want to do.

But nuh uh, not in my relationship. I wouldn't appreciate him fawning over a naked woman

NurseyWursey · 08/04/2014 20:12

I'm glad I've got a DP who I know for a fact wouldn't do this. He's just not interested. Plus he wouldn't want to part with the money..

BuffytheReasonableFeminist · 08/04/2014 20:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

slithytove · 08/04/2014 20:53

Attendance wouldn't bother me but I would be unhappy if he had a dance

slithytove · 08/04/2014 20:57

Oh, and I'm not a 'cool wife' in the slightest. It is going to sound a bit odd but I grew up (mid teens upwards) going to places like this and I quite like them, hence it doesn't bother me. Any form of touching would most certainly bother me.

DownstairsMixUp · 08/04/2014 21:00

I'd tell him to get out and never come back to. Going to letch over other naked women? Uhm no. Pack yer bags.

rosabud · 09/04/2014 00:37

How lovely to picture the poster's husband who celebated his 50th birthday in such an establishment. How many of the dancers were celebrating just such an anniversary, I wonder?

I'd also like to thank the poster who opened my eyes to the notion that "no opinions are wrong." Fancy that. How empowering. I always suspected that Hitler had been simply misunderstood.

No doubt that 's how all the nubile 21 year olds felt on the birthday evening, dancing for some lechy old codger heading into his 50s. Empowered.

slithytove · 09/04/2014 07:19

Oh dear, Godwin's law. Does that mean thread has ended?

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 09/04/2014 08:42

slithy, you're allowed to mention Hitler's name in a thread. Godwins law is that sooner or later in an online discussion one side will call the other side Nazis/fascists - and then that side is considered to have lost the argument.

ZingSweetCoconut · 09/04/2014 09:14

I'd ask why the fuck I wasn't invited

Martorana · 09/04/2014 09:22

It's not about not wanting your Dp to ogle naked women. It's about having a Dp who hates women so much that he is prepared to give his support to these places. Or who is so think he doesn't realise how damaging and exploitative thy are.

I wouldn't want to spend my life with someone who was either a woman hater or stupid.