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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

The Feminist Pub (continued).

999 replies

UptoapointLordCopper · 23/11/2013 20:02

Been busy. Came back today to have a look but the Pub thread was full! Shock Shall we continue here?

Third episode of Borgen on tonight. Smile

OP posts:
PenguinsDontEatPancakes · 02/12/2013 17:14

Pacific - I don't disagree with or disapprove of your approach at all. Just isn't right for me Smile I may change my mind when DD1 stops believing earlier than I would like.

LRD - My sympathies. I had to deal with a plumber today. He was lovely, but trades always give me the fear. Thankfully I knew the basics of our plumbing problem and had researched a bit so didn't sound too clueless. Thing is, FIL is in the building trade, so DH has grown up with it and knows how to sound vaguely knowledgeable even when he isn't. Result- he does all that stuff and I have never learned. Now I go to pieces when I have to do it.

PenguinsDontEatPancakes · 02/12/2013 17:15

Based on our chats on here Pacific, I think if you're a surrendered wife you might be a bit of a shit one Grin. Seriously though, that whole movement gives me the creeps.

PacificDogwood · 02/12/2013 17:17

I aided and abetted the reviving of a Zombie thread re Surrendered Wives (by mistake I hasten to add) and there was a link on it to a blog "Rape is a Gift" - you just could not make this shit up Angry.

Yes, I'd implode if I were made to attempt to live as a surrendered wife. Otoh, DH would hate it too, thank goodness!!

PenguinsDontEatPancakes · 02/12/2013 17:37

Rape is a gift?

Murder is a blessing. Famine has a silver lining.

Jeez.

I think DH would like some of it. He'd be quite keen on me always respecting his opinion I suspect Wink. No, he'd go loopy.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 02/12/2013 17:37

Grin at the idea of you being a surrendered wife, pacific! Grin

They rang - it passed the MOT! With nothing needing doing! Whew. I've always owned old bangers and this is the first relatively new car I've had, so I'm really relieved.

penguin, I'm exactly like that with computers. It's what DH does for work, so I have no clue and I can hear myself going ditzy little woman. Hmm

That is a truly awful quotation about rape, though. Sad

PenguinsDontEatPancakes · 02/12/2013 17:40

Ooh, I found the nutters - here. Seriously fucked up.

PacificDogwood · 02/12/2013 17:43

Yeah! Re car.

Booo and deepest dispair re The Boss Hmm

PenguinsDontEatPancakes · 02/12/2013 17:43

Yeay for cars that pass their MOT!

LRDtheFeministDragon · 02/12/2013 17:45

Yeuch.

Some of the comments are very sane, though.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 02/12/2013 17:45

Thanks penguin. Smile

Original poster
UptoapointLordCopper · 02/12/2013 17:47

Well done, LRD's car!

I take my car to a garage where they have professional-looking people at the front desk and always talk to you like a human being. But when I used to have an old banger I bought the Haynes manual and mugged up about constant velocity joints and got DH to explain everything to me before taking the car to the garage. Grin

Being patronised is something that really really seriously raise my blood pressure.

OP posts:
Original poster
UptoapointLordCopper · 02/12/2013 17:49

Shock at blog. WTF!?

OP posts:
LRDtheFeministDragon · 02/12/2013 17:52

Me too, upto. Not that I imagine anyone exactly likes being patronized.

Original poster
UptoapointLordCopper · 02/12/2013 18:51

True LRD. I just wish it doesn't upset me quite so much!

BTW what did you do on your hols?

OP posts:
kickassangel · 02/12/2013 19:17

I refuse to click on that link.

I'm pretty good with dealing with people about plumbing etc, as I just have it clear in my head that they are here to do a job for me. So even if I don't understand something, I make them explain it to me, and won't agree to anything until they do.

Mind you, there was a garage in York that were terrible. Twice we were looking at buying a new car and BOTH times they pretty much refused to let me test drive a car unless my husband was there. One car was a joint purchase, but one of them was going to be MY car to drive to Leeds every day.

We don't have MOTs here, we just drive until it breaks down, then have to pay for rescue/repair.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 02/12/2013 19:22

Yes, me too upto. Ah well, at least we can come rant about it on here.

To be honest I was mainly on holiday from MN - not from here, just I was having an off patch with the site as a whole. Lovely to be back for Christmassy stuff, though.

kickass - gosh, that's scary (the driving until you break down). But I'm guessing rather nicer on nerves/wallet, at least in the short term.

kickassangel · 02/12/2013 19:29

you can always get your car fixed before it breaks down, but somehow we always just keep putting it off, and off. At some time I need to think about getting a new car, but really cba atm.

AntiJamDidi · 02/12/2013 19:33

I hate being patronized too. I use a garage where I either teach the kids of the mechanics or in the case of 2 of them I taught THEM for their gcse. They never patronise me Grin I don't like having to deal with tradespeople in general though, so our house has more "quirks" than you would expect as we come up with ways to avoid calling in a plumber/electrician [tchblush]

I'm finding the discussion about faith and Sunday school really interesting. We have a Sunday school where small children go out to have an re lesson and it does annoy me because that's never been the part of my faith I valued most highly. I spent 4 months in a conventional in India when I was 18 doing voluntary work and it was incredibly peaceful spending an hour a day of prayer/meditation. That part of convent life almost had me considering becoming a nun. I don't have such a strong faith any more. In fact I think I might have lost my faith completely but I still go through the motions because I think it's good for the kids and I like being part of the community.

We totally do magic with the dcs. I love Santa and the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny. As dd1 got older I just adjusted my tone of voice but I talk about Santa to her now at 14, she just rolls her eyes at me. Grin

CaptChaos · 02/12/2013 22:29

Just caught up after a weekend of wonderfulness!

Kickass can you link me to the article about kids with ASD and empathy please? I'd be very grateful if you could.

We have done lots of magic with the boys. Both of them completely believed that the moon followed them because they were so special for years. And that the ducks in the park laughed because they were such funny kids along with the usual Santa/Tooth Fairy stuff. DS1 is doing the same with my DGD, it's rather lovely.

We put an offer on a house today (which is very scary) and the estate agent (female) asked if the house was going to be just in my husband's name or did he want it to be in joint names. Really?????

AntiJamDidi · 02/12/2013 22:38

That's ridiculous CaptChaos, of course it should be in both names, that should be the default if you are married. It is scary enough buying a house without estate agents enraging people by their backwards ideas.

rosabud · 02/12/2013 23:32

Glad the car passed.

Don't want to go on about the Sunday School thing, because it probably doesn't really belong in feminism, but it is disappointing to hear of churches which are still doing the 'children leave the main body of worship in order to do RE lesson' thing. Perhaps I've been very lucky not to have experienced this. I have friends who attend a number of churches and a range of different denominations and they all now seem to have children's sessions which centre around the act of worship/prayer or other aspects of the Christian message. I thought things had defintiely changed! (Where have all the trendy vicars gone....... Confused )

LRDtheFeministDragon · 03/12/2013 00:01

Thanks rosa.

I see it doesn't belong in feminism, but I'm really interested, so thank you very much for saying it has changed in some places. I'm glad to know that.

kickassangel · 03/12/2013 00:35

article about empathy/autism

www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2009/05/11/a-radical-new-autism-theory.html

This was sent to me by a friend, whose ds is my dd's best friend. dd is mildly asd, her best friend quite severely so. The mum sent the article round cos she thought it really reminded her of her son, how he is very empathetic and caring. Then I had to physically intercept him this afternoon as he was attempting to attack another friend, and the next half hour was him being rude, aggressive, mean comments etc.

I know why - he got upset & has no impulse control, but over the last few months I have noticed him getting more & more over-assertive, bossy, rude to his friends (I teach in the school all these kids are at, as well as them seeing each other for playdates a lot). He is aware of how others feel, and he does find it hard to cope, BUT atm he seems to be coping by being quite horrible to his friends.

Sigh.

I just needed to offload that as I have spent the best part of an hour dealing with it all this afternoon, instead of getting reports written, and I am increasingly struggling with seeing him with dd. Even she is withdrawing and spending less time with him at school, and I recently found some emails from a few weeks back when he was trying to email 'everyone be in MY gang, and play with ME' type messages, after he'd had an argument with a friend.

Really not sure how to deal with this. I don't want dd to lose her best friend, but nor do I want her to be best friends with someone who is so overbearing and control-motivated.

AnnieLobeseder · 03/12/2013 08:24

I imagine some of you follow the Let Toys be Toys campaign. Did any of you see the link they posted to a survey done by Girl Guiding that found 87% of their girls thought women were judged more on appearance than ability?

This statistic is tragic enough in itself. But more so were the comments, hardly any of which addressed the issue raised, but were mostly whining that Guiding doesn't let boys in. Some were even blaming Guiding for causing the self-esteem problems suffered by women!

Women's issues just don't remotely matter to most people, do they? Sad

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