So many evil men...can't stand it

[SplitHeadGirl]

First of all, I know fully well that men will get upset at what I think and am about to say, so I would like to clarify that I am talking about EVIL men, not the good, wonderful dads and granddads and husbands and nice single blokes out there....the ones who I KNOW (my brain, not my gut, tells me so) are in a majority, but who seem to be few (is it their deafening silence?)

But any fool can see that the sheer amount of men, who are prepared to do unspeakable things to women and girls (and boys as well as other men, not to mention the vulnerable and the elderly...wow, the list goes on) is just overwhelming. I read today about Anene Booysen, and I was absolutely heartbroken, but yet not shocked. For men to be so diabolical to women is not shocking anymore, and that is men's greatest tragedy.

I have two little daughters, and a little son, and I fear for them at the hands of men. Not women...just men.

I feel like I am thinking out loud with this post, so no worries if no one feels they can respond. I just wish I didn't feel so helpless at the tsunami of male violence.

Oh yes, because talking about it and expected men to be ashamed of the acts of others will fix everything.

Yes I know people get raped/assaulted by people they thought they could trust, My mum and I are 2 of those people.

Dont think I don't know about this. I know from experience about been raped, assaulted and DV. I lived through it all.

I understand OP. It's fucked up.

No one (not even feminists ) is denying that women can and do commit violent crimes and they bully and emotionally abuse. BUT the majority of perpetrators are men.

Violence and rape are gendered crimes; they just are. Looking at the facts and analysing causes and trends makes tackling it more effective. It doesn't mean people are 'misandrists' because they identify a trend.

Personally, I don't think think either sex is born to be more violent (in evo-psych bullshit theory shouldn't women be more violent anyway to protect offspring etc.?) but I think boys are socialised to hide their emotions (boys don't cry) and act macho (strong male providers) pushing them to idolise violence/domination in a way girls don't.

I don't normally post in this section, I read most threads, though.

I have never understood why when a judge will say that " it is normal for a man to seek sex, elsewhere whilst his wife is pregnant", as was said in defence of a father having sex with his 8 year old daughter, for example. It was mainly women protesting this. If a similar excuse was given for a woman comitting a crime, I as a woman would defend that it isn't normal to abuse children, or allow children to be abused, it is a cre that should be severely punished.

I wouldn't attack a pregnant woman, or an elderly, more vulnerable/weaker person than myself, unless my life was at risk. If it was said in court that there was a good reason for women to do this, I would take to the streets in protest.

Men aren't though, even though it has been said countless times that they cannot control their urges.

I have always wondered why they don't protest against it being claimed that they have no control over their actions, because of their gender.

If men are, as some believe and it is quite scary that many in power and who have control of the media believe that they cannot help but abuse those weaker than them, they should be kept locked in institutions.

As another example for a positive change, it is thankfully no longer acceptable for a man to walk away from his children, not as unacceptable as a woman, but it is changing.

Hopefully so can attitudes to abusive behaviour towards women and children, in general.

When reasons are given for the crimes committed by women, it is usually their childhood and previous abuse/neglect that is sited, not that their behaviour is to be expected because they are female and the opportunity presented itself.

As is the case in rape etc cases. Yet the protests, by other men, who don't behave in that manner, simply don't happen.

Eye...you have said EVERYTHING I meant to say!!! Thank you!

The human male is the most dangerous and most damaging species on this planet...yet we all dance around this fact.

So why does denying that they are gendered crimes help? We are tvlking male violence here. You have to name and recognise the crime to tackle it.

I think we are blind to it because it almost seems to be the normal state of affairs. And normal men are blind to it too - the same way some women are.

I think the prevalence of normal men tells us it doesn't have to be this way. But I do actually think normal, decent men have a role to play in putting an end to it - otherwise they can tune it out.

Women are not allowed to tune out their problems - we are told to lean in, lean out, stop work to stay at home and make stew so our children won't be fat, stay at home with our children otherwise they'll have to go to nursery and become psychopaths, but on the other hand, go to work because otherwise our children won't have good role models of working women and it will be somehow our fault that women don't make it at work because we're all too busy looking after our children. The media is constantly telling us what's wrong with us (too fat, too thin, too career-minded, too ambitious, not ambitious enough, too skimpily dressed, not attractive enough, too old, too sexy, and on and on and on). Men simply don't have to engage in this sort of self-examination about masculinity - apart from in a very sterile MRA way. And I think if there could be more open discussion about it among normal, right-thinking men, it would be helpful.

Women's advancements are, and should be, based on equality which is good for everyone. Men have an opportunity to get a better quality of life by discarding some of the damaging elements of traditional masculinity - but it will require normal, good men working out what we all need to ditch from that traditional model.

Ooh, thank you to all those people splaining to me that not all men do rape and fings.

Cos I would never have known that without you telling me.

FFS.

The human male is the most dangerous and most damaging species on this planet...yet we all dance around this fact

Thought it wasn't all men?

No whats dangerous are people who commit these crimes

Quangle How can normal decent men put an end to how some individuals act? They can't!

I hear ya Basil. Someone will be on in a minute to tell us how dreadful it is that men are discriminated against because...well Daddy Pig is a bit of a plonker.

Roxanne - it really is mostly men who commit and are convicted of violent crimes. Thats not to say all men do it - but what is th epoint of denying that most violent crime, burglaries, sexual offences, traffic offences/car accidents are caused by men? It's the elephant in the room.

Well said birds

So much leeway is given to the male ego, the male pride, the male temper and the male sex-drive; men cannot control themselves etc. If I was a man I would be fucking offended.

Right and how is saying you fear men not women and thinking men should be ashamed for been men because some individuals do terrible things?

I haven't denied anything. If you read you will see I have stated I've been through rape, assault and DV as did my mum by the hands of men.

Talking about most men?**

Missed rest of question

I think where it gets people pushing back and defensive is the 'men are violent to women'. Which is significantly true, not the whole truth, but true.

Whites are violent and oppressive against blacks. It's whites that beat blacks. I fear about whites. Examples like this make me want to react because I am white. It's hard to remove yourself from the group to see a bigger picture. I see this as a stumbling block to people that aren't engaged

I've been through rape and assault too, roxanne, and it was all at the hands of men. You're denying the very fact that men are responsible for the vast majority of violent crime - which is a fact - and I'm wondering why?

they can Roxanne. Not immediately but over time. Look at how hugely women's lives have evolved and women's thinking about what they can and should do in the world has evolved. One hundred years ago I would have expected that a man would provide for me, my entire life. Either my husband or my father. I would have seen that as right and proper for me, as a woman. But our thoughts, beliefs and our behaviours have changed - what was once normal would now be abnormal. And I'll bring my daughter up to understand that she must be able to make herself financially independent. This is how social pressure works.

It is still ok for some men to be semi-detached from their families. They still don't have to sacrifice what women have to sacrifice what women have to in order to have a child. It's my belief that you value things if you have had to make sacrifices for them. I think men have a lot to gain from becoming more central to their children's lives - these are the ties that bind us into successful families and communities and these are the ties that stop us turning to violence.

Waffly answer but this is what will make the difference.

I haven't denied it at all. Read my posts back, where have I said men don't do any of this??

Good, sorry if I misread - you seemed quite angry at the suggestion that they did.

You also brought 'women killing their children' into the discussion, which I thought a bit strange - because, again, more men than women kill their own children - and certainly when it comes to killing of children by a non-parent, it is almost entirely men responsible.

Roxanne we all know it isn't all men...but that does NOT change the fact that the human male IS the most dangerous species on the planet!!!

I say this all the time to my dad and my husband, and they agree with me!!! They both think men are the worst thing to happen to this planet!

Sabrina I was making a comparison about how the OP thought her DP would be ashamed to be a man due to crimes some men have done. Women have been in the news for that reason so I used that as a comparison that I don't feel ashamed about been a woman because of that.

Men are the worse thing to happen?!

That's a fucking joke

See OP's post, roxanne ^

And OP, you might be really interested in reading "Better Angels of our Nature" by Steven Pinker. It's an amazing book about how violence has declined over the centuries - it doesn't feel like it but it has. Essentially because we are becoming more evolved, more civilised, more empathetic. We actually are - even if it feels worse and worse, that's just because we see these horrors every day on the television. But your risk of being murdered is something like one fiftieth of your risk of being murdered had you lived in the Middle Ages.

He doesn't address male/female violence specifically but it's a fundamentally optimistic book. I know that sometimes it feels overwhelming - my sister and I reduced ourselves almost to tears couple of weeks ago through fury at a Saudi case about an 8 year old girl who died of internal injuries through being raped by her middle aged "husband". So, so vile. I felt as though the entire world should go on strike in protest. But of course it goes unnoticed because it's "only" violence against women and girls.

But you have to hold on to the fact that most people are decent - and we can make it better.

I'm with you OP too. Male violence is a massive problem and it needs to be named in order for something to be done about it. If you can't name the problem how can you discuss it? How can it be sorted?

Only a very tiny proportion of violent crime is committed by women. That is why violence is gendered.

Until men stop raping and murdering women, women will never be liberated, never be equal.