So many evil men...can't stand it

[SplitHeadGirl]

First of all, I know fully well that men will get upset at what I think and am about to say, so I would like to clarify that I am talking about EVIL men, not the good, wonderful dads and granddads and husbands and nice single blokes out there....the ones who I KNOW (my brain, not my gut, tells me so) are in a majority, but who seem to be few (is it their deafening silence?)

But any fool can see that the sheer amount of men, who are prepared to do unspeakable things to women and girls (and boys as well as other men, not to mention the vulnerable and the elderly...wow, the list goes on) is just overwhelming. I read today about Anene Booysen, and I was absolutely heartbroken, but yet not shocked. For men to be so diabolical to women is not shocking anymore, and that is men's greatest tragedy.

I have two little daughters, and a little son, and I fear for them at the hands of men. Not women...just men.

I feel like I am thinking out loud with this post, so no worries if no one feels they can respond. I just wish I didn't feel so helpless at the tsunami of male violence.

Society isn't the reason my rapist did what he did. He wasn't brought up in such a way. He was brought up to respect women and growing up with him that's what I saw. He worshipped his mum and sisters. That's why I dropped my guard. My mistake but that wasn't society.

And I think the thing is not to create rapists in the first place. Not to have men who feel entitled to a woman's body.

Oh look I came across this article the other day

another thing we could consider

My post was to dropyoursword.

RoxanneReidsChafingFishnets, you said "You can't say decent men should sort it."

I disagree.

I believe it is precisely decent men who should sort it.

They hold the power and the influence. Even decent men, while they may resist laughing quite so hard at rape jokes these days, they don't shun people who make them. They don't actively fight "lad" culture or the continuous objectification of women.

Women cannot achieve equality unless men are on board. Slowly, they are coming around, and change is happening. But men have to make those changes within themselves. The decent ones first, because they are good and see that it's only right and fair. And the pigs will have to follow, because we are social creatures and they will need to fit in.

We shun murders, we shun paedophiles, we shun people who torture puppies. Hopefully, one day, the same will apply to men to abuse women.

But it has to start with the good men.

But she's pretty much saying that rape and violence is just something we have to put up with. I don't agree with that

How have I said that?! Seriously??

People blame everything but the rapist. Society, been male, should teach boys young etc

No he wasn't brought up to respect women. Otherwise he wouldn't have raped. And even if he was there are many other influences than parents. Peers, media, mentors and just opening eyes to what goes on around him.

Society influences all of us.

What?? Is that seriously what you're getting from our posts?

Last was to roxanne.

If a rapist is going to rape they will whether a 'decent man' stands up to a rape joke in a pub or not. Women aren't raped because of jokes

"People blame everything but the rapist." Yet you say your rapist wasn't influenced by society. Sorry but he was. Because he knew exactly what you just said.

The second bit of my post isn't in relation to your comment Sab

O was reading something else. It was meant to be separate and I forget to finish writing it out

Oh I misunderstood what you were saying, I think

Roxane you sound as if you're saying that there's nothing society can do about rapists, that they just happen arbitrarily , not that they're produced as a result of all the influences they're subjected to.

Not sure if that's what you're meaning to say or not, but it's v. late so I'm off to bed. Good night.

Rape jokes was just an example, Roxanne, of normalising rape. There are many more. They all add up. We do blame the rapist. But the rapist is a product of our culture that allows him to do that and get away with it about 99.5% of the time.

I don't think anyone would be happy with normalising rape. Is it more of a society acceptance or is it a strength thing?
Why is it a men on women predominant issue

I don't think you should blame men for the violence in society, it's sexist.

I think as the news gets saturated by daily reports of all the horrible actions of people, we tend to generalise and fear certain sections of society.

Its like white supremists watching a police documentary and noticing that most offenders are non-white, or us seeing all the gun crime in America, or all the Muslim terrorists in the news. But not all non-whites are violent, not all Americans are trigger happy and not all Muslims are terrorists.

That old saying of, most violence is caused by men, but not all men are violent rings true.

Oh god what annielobeseedr said.

Not laughing at rape jokes. Actually saying that someone telling a rape joke is a sick inadequate fucker.

Banning rape porn.

All from 'good' men.

If rapists were because of our culture and society then everyone would be doing it but we aren't.

Society didn't make him rape me, he decided to do that on his own. His friends were my friends and they managed not to rape me yet we all grew up together, in the same place. In fact they went after him when they found out and came forward with statements when I finally went to the police.

I haven't once said to expect it to happen. Obviously no one should expect but my opinion is a rapist will rape no matter what. Just like people still kill each other when they know they will get caught, locked up and possible death sentence depending where they live.

The sad part is, we're mostly agreed that fewer men would rape if we didn't live in a culture where it's all but actively encouraged... but what does that actually say about men; that so many of them will rape when they get the chance?

I like to believe in the good of human nature. Not to would probably drive me to despair.

But there certainly is a very nasty trait of human nature that we will let our inner beast out when we know we can get away with it, when it's what "everyone else is doing".

The power of society cuts both ways.

I do, at the end of it all, believe that the perpetrators of all violence, both sexual and non-sexual, fall into two categories. First, are the "normal" people who are influenced by friends, media etc to think that what they're doing is somehow okay, the other person deserved it etc. Secondly are the true psychopaths.

There will always be psychopaths, I imagine, unless medical research can find a way to eradicate them.

But the "normal" folk who have just been unduly influenced to behave the way they do - we can do something about them by changing the factors which influence them in the first place. Stopping rape culture, stopping objectification of women, stopping victim-blaming, making it absolutely essential to both genders to seek, give and expect consent at all stages of every sexual encounter.

If a rapist is going to rape they will whether a 'decent man' stands up to a rape joke in a pub or not. Women aren't raped because of jokes

If a man goes up to a stranger in a pub and "stands up" to him because he told a rape joke then he would probably get his teeth knocked out.

It's usually best not to get involved. I disagree with the statement "it's up to decent men to sort it."

I think it's impossible for women to stop violence against women because the kind of men who are violent towards women don't care what women think.

Men though have more of an influence on each other so one man calling out another on their behaviour is far more effective.

Naicar Glad I'm not the only who thinks that.

Naicar Glad I'm not the only who thinks that.

Kasey But how do you call out a rapist? There's nothing you can say that will stop a rapist raping.