Secret Militant Feminist Agenda

[ElephantsAndMiasmas]

...what is it then? I keep reading about it as a reason for us all Lying Our Terrible Lies about being harrassed in the street, or beaten up at home or what have you.

It's making me feel a bit left out TBH.

Can someone drop me a hint about why we're talking about these things, given that they cannot be true in the egalitarian paradise in which we live?

Code is permitted.

Spot on I think ISNT. Can they go in the Xmas catalogue?

I can make pointy bits on the toes so that if confronted with twonkery, we can leap up and do a kung fu stylee spin around, to lethal effect, like that woman in james bond.

Only problem is, we all have to learn how to leap up and do a kung fu stylee spin around, to lethal effect, like that woman in james bond...

OK I've added Kung Fu training to the list. Maybe there could be a voucher with the pop socks?

I just tried to do a kung-fu spin-around but all that happened was my tinfoil jumpsuit got all crinkled.

And I'm not sure that a crinkled tinfoil jumpsuit is very flattering for my figure.

Well in that case we'll have to think. We know how important it is to watch our figures else we'll be called ugerly

Maybe we can use some kind of force field? All we need is the Sylvia Plath of supernatural-science-powers.

Don't forget the "siege mentality" section of the SMFAgenda.

I don't know what that is but I'm trying to find out. It must be somewhere on the internet!

I have a lot to learn .

SMF HQ

Alice / ISNT - you made me LOL gasp with admiration at the ingenuity of the Secret Death Popsock plan.

Yes there must be a Sylvia Plath of every branch of science. I might be out on a limb here but I think I'm the Pam Ayres of nuclear fission.

(that Sylvia Plath comparison - are there really so few famous women that they need to compare those two? "Had vajayjays, died young...that'll do")

Women - i forgot to ask when we were going to introduce trial by ducking stool for men accused of catcalling?

Well, straight away surely.

Mmm, great. Finally the scold's bridle gets put to good use - or at least a modern and painless alternative.

For catcalling? Why are you waiting for them to actually do something wrong. Just make something up and duck them.

Of Course!!! I really have missed out something fundamental there haven't it. Anyone know an innocent (chuh as if) male bystander who might want to "prove" his blamelessness on Aunty Elephants's nice stool?

Also - In our hollowed out Secret Militant HQ can we have a giant bleeping satnav map of the universe? And any time an MNer posts about their husband or partner being an abusive twankpot a little red light goes on showing his GPS location? And then we send in the horde of killer bees?

Excellent idea. Giant bleeping satnav could be put to many Secret Militant Feminist uses.

Can we have a rape myth detector on it please? When some knobber utters a rape myth can I personaly be beamed down by Star Trek stylee attachment on the satnav where I then slap rape myth utterer in the face with a wet smelly fish whilst shouting 'take that you knobber'.

:o :o :o

Yes.

Also can we have a Whiny Sex Hassle detector too? So any time a man starts moaning at his wife to "try" some sexual practice which she finds utterly unappealing, a great firey dittany angel appears with a giant dildo and utters the words YOU TRY FIRST.

Elephants

I'm thinking of the dittany angel like Emma Thompson's character in 'Angels in America'. But with a biiig dildo.

[performs sekrit Solanaseque wink]

Cunning, comrades, cunning.

Can we come up with something for gropers on public transport where a giant flashing sign suddenly appears above their head with "this man is a sex pest" in red lights and a cage crashes down over them so they have to remain there all day being pointed at with disgust by passers by.

Blackcurrants - sort of a cross between this, this and this.

LOVE the cage idea - can we have broadway sign style arrows pointing to the cage as well?

What about something on a spriing to tuck down our cleavages, with a remote trigger bracelet that would enable it to POING up and slap breast-starers in the face?

PMSL at your pictures Elephants.

I WANT the poingy breast starer device right now. Can I customize it though so a fist poings up and PUNCHES really hard?

There is an MNer who has a good technique for Breast Stare Man - it might be Getorfmoiland. Can't remember exactly what it is but I think it involved talking to BSM's crotch.

oh and YES to Broadway arrows.

Fist, or cartoon-style boxing glove would be perfect.

I've been known to stare fixedly at Stareyman's chest region and then when he looks down at where I'm staring (presumably to check he hasn't dribbled or spilt soup or something), to say "No, there's nothing there, I just assumed that was how people do things round here."

God I honestly think that fist could be a best seller.

On a slightly different note, I think there should be a nationwide campaign for women/girls subject to "while you're down there..." comments while e.g. picking up something from the floor, to HEADBUTT the speaker really hard in the stomach. And then when the groans of agony subside, say "That was what you meant, wasn't it?"

PMSL at all of you!

Don't just sit there wetting yourself, Alice, we need products! :o