AIBU or AINBU, that is the question

[KateSMumsnet]

Zounds! It is Shakespeare Week, apparently.

To celebrate, we happy few, we band of brothers* thought we'd ask you clever folk to put on an antic disposition and post as if the cast of Shakespeare's plays had access to Mumsnet, similar to the classic Biblical Mumsnet thread

For example:

• SPORN - Out, out damned spot!

• DH has become really obsessed about an old handkerchief he gave me, is this a red flag?

• Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have to use tutors....

The three posts that tickle MNHQ the most will be bound for a prize all too precious (or whatever we can find in the cupboard).

So if MN be the food of love, post on....

• If you thought we wouldn't take this opportunity to shoehorn in and abuse Shakespearean quotes in for no good reason, you thought wrong.

When my mistress swears she is made of truth
I do believe her, though I know she lies

I really need to go non contact, don't I?

So as waves do make towards the pebbled shore
So do MNetters rush to the Pombear aisles

But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the page we made!

He hath eaten me out of house and home; he hath put all my substance into that penis beaker of his.

S and B:

Good Hamlet, cast thy nighted colour off - you're a Sweet Pea Summer and it's not in your palette.

'Bless thee Bottom, bless thee! Thou art not as stinky as one could be' Thought Honeydragon

'oh what fools these mortals be' thought the dog as he scampered off to inspect the roses.

OP: I had a few drinks and forgot to pick DS up from pre-school. I'm a bad mother, aren't I?

MN: Thou art so fat-witted, with drinking of old sack
and unbuttoning thee after supper and sleeping upon
benches after noon, that thou hast forgotten to
demand that truly which thou wouldst truly know.

MNHQ: Ahem. Link to Mumsnet rules, etc.

'What a piece of work is a man! How noble in reason, how infinite in faculty, in form and moving how express and admirable, in action how like an angel, in apprehension how like a god -- the beauty of the world, the paragon of animals'

I still say LTB

Is that a fat ball I see before me?

It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in MN forums.

To sleep, perchance to try controlled crying...

I think DP may be gaslighting me.
He compliments me all the time, but acts like he can't tell when I am getting cross about something. He acts like nothing is good enough for me, but this has ended up with him getting rid perfectly good of clothes I had because they are not fashionable enough
My sister is getting married soon (that's a bridezilla thread for another day!) and I bough a lovely new hat for it, which he then made me take back to the shop!
He disagrees with everything I say, and the other day somehow made me agree that the sun was the moon!
He is under quite a lot of stress lately, so maybe it's just that?

If Mumsnet be the food of love, post on,
Give me excess of it; that surfeiting,
The appetite may sicken, and so AIBU

Twelfth Night

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking AIBU makes it so

Hamlet

Trolls speak an infinite deal of nothing.

The Merchant of Venice

I like this Mumsnet and could willingly waste my time in it

As you like it

The first thing we do, let's kill all the Fruit Shoot givers

King Henry VI

Do you not know I am a Mumsnetter? When I think, I must speak.”

As You Like It

-Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all!
-Goodness, did you mean to be so rude ?

Lord what fools these Mumsnetters be!
The course of AIBU never did run smooth

and, of course, we have to have this:

“If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,
That you have but slumbered here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend:
If you pardon, we will mend:
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call;
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.”

A Midsummer Night's Dream

The OP doth protest too much, methinks have a

Friends, Romans, countrymen - lend me your recipe for a good ragu.