AIBU or AINBU, that is the question

[KateSMumsnet]

Zounds! It is Shakespeare Week, apparently.

To celebrate, we happy few, we band of brothers* thought we'd ask you clever folk to put on an antic disposition and post as if the cast of Shakespeare's plays had access to Mumsnet, similar to the classic Biblical Mumsnet thread

For example:

• SPORN - Out, out damned spot!
  

• DH has become really obsessed about an old handkerchief he gave me, is this a red flag?
  

• Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have to use tutors....
  

The three posts that tickle MNHQ the most will be bound for a prize all too precious (or whatever we can find in the cupboard).

So if MN be the food of love, post on....

* If you thought we wouldn't take this opportunity to shoehorn in and abuse Shakespearean quotes in for no good reason, you thought wrong.

[debbietheduck]

It may be technically correct to address a married woman by her husband's name...
But it is a custom more honoured in the breach than in the observance.

[MotherOfDragon]

If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? And if you wrong us shall we not revenge?
No, we are MNetters and we don't fucking care what you think

[MotherOfDragon]

Do you think because you are virtuous, that there shall be no more naice ham? (twelfth night)

[MotherOfDragon]

Truly, thou art damned like an very first (as you like it)

Ok, I think i'm done.

[MotherOfDragon]

Ok, one last one:

"I wish you all joy of my NC MIL." (Antony and Cleopatra)

[CheeseTMouse]

Baby names: What ho! Horatio!

Mumsnet: What about a nice sensible sounding name instead? William?

[wizzler]

If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? And if you park too close to us in the car park, awnbu to leave a note on your windscreen?

[KoalaFace]

If we posters have offended,
Think but this and all is mended,
That you have been unreasonable here
While these personal attacks did appear.
And this MIL and DIL theme,
No more bitching but a dream,
MNers, do not reprehend:
If you bum sex we will mend.
And, as I am a gin loving Puck,
If we have cunt bunting luck
Now to 'scape the viper's tongue,
We will make lemon drizzle ere long;
Else the Puck a gaslighter call:
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your pombears, if we be friends,
And JustineMNHQ shall restore amends. [Exit.]

[superlambanana]

O spite! O hell! It seems you all are bent
To tell me IABU for your merriment

[CheeseTMouse]

AIBU in thinking these workmen exceptionally rude? One of them was pretending to be a wall, instead of just getting on and building as I had asked.

[Shakey1500]

Oh well done CheeseTMouse!

[Shakey1500]

I left no post with them
What means this Netmums?
Fortune forbid my username hath not charmed them!
They made good view of me; indeed so much,
That then me thought their site may explode,
For they did blaze with shitty tickers.
They love me,sure:the cunning of their passion
Invites me in their baby sodding countdowns.
None of my Netmums? Why, I visited not
I am a Mumsnetter. If it be so, as 'tis
Poor Netmums, they were better love a dream.
Tickers, I see thou art a wickedness,
Wherein the pregnant enemy does much.

Modified "Ring Speech" by Viola, Twelfth Night.

[ballsballsballs]

Witch 1
When shall we three meet again?
In thunder, lightning, or in rain?

Witch 2
When the hurlyburly's done,
When the battle's lost and won.

Witch 3
See you at the Rising Sun. I'll get the in.

[beanandspud]

When shall we vipers meet again?
In Waitrose, Boden or in rain. the children won't melt
When the school run all is done,
And online battles lost and won,
There'll be G&T at set of sun.

[TheOriginalSteamingNit]

Now, OYBBK, is the winter of our discontent going to be made glorious by the sun of York?
And where is nice to eat there, apart from Betty's?

[beanandspud]

Great minds, balls

[Sparklingbrook]

LADY MACBETH
O, never
61 Shall sun dat morrow peep biaaatch!
62 Yo crazy-ass face, mah thane, be as a funky-ass book where pimps
63 May read strange matters. To beguile tha time,
64 Look like tha time; bear welcome up in yo' eye,
65 Yo crazy-ass hand, yo' tongue: be lookin like tha innocent flower,
66 But be tha serpent under't yo. Dude thatz comin
67 Must be provided for: n' you shall put
68 This nightz pimped out bidnizz tha fuck into mah dispatch;
69 Which shall ta all our nights n' minutes ta come
70 Give solely sovereign sway n' masterdom.

I am not Shakespeare's biggest fan so thought I would join in by Gizoogling a bit of Macbeth.

[beanandspud]

"Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and the rest of us spend far too much time on mumsnet."

[JumbledandTumbled]

To be unreasonable , or not to be unreasonable: that is the question

[DuchessofHaphazard]

I'm looking for advice on dealing with DD's (18mo) tantrums. If she doesn't get what she wants she flings herself on the floor, or will bite, hit or scratch me. And though she be but little, she is fierce.

[DuchessofHaphazard]

Or...

DH and I are getting divorced. Have been a SAHM for the past 19 years and have no income of my own, whereas DH now earns a lot. The split is not amicable, and I can't afford a lawyer, whereas DH has plenty of cash to spend on one. I'm really concerned he's going to completely screw me over. So I'm thinking, the first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.

[mineofuselessinformation]

I can't beat any of these, so instead I'll pay homage to them.

[StandardHeight]

to dunk, or not to dunk, that is the question.

[JumbledandTumbled]

Doh! Epic fail, my quote is the same as the thread title

I'll try again. [sad2

[JumbledandTumbled]

I wasted time, and now doth time waste me whilst I Mumsnet