AIBU or AINBU, that is the question

[KateSMumsnet]

Zounds! It is Shakespeare Week, apparently.

To celebrate, we happy few, we band of brothers* thought we'd ask you clever folk to put on an antic disposition and post as if the cast of Shakespeare's plays had access to Mumsnet, similar to the classic Biblical Mumsnet thread

For example:

• SPORN - Out, out damned spot!

• DH has become really obsessed about an old handkerchief he gave me, is this a red flag?

• Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have to use tutors....

The three posts that tickle MNHQ the most will be bound for a prize all too precious (or whatever we can find in the cupboard).

So if MN be the food of love, post on....

• If you thought we wouldn't take this opportunity to shoehorn in and abuse Shakespearean quotes in for no good reason, you thought wrong.

Here we go:

The internet's a stage,
And all the DHs merely players:
They have their MN exits and their MN entrances;
And one DH in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the PFB,
BF and puking in a Postnatal thread.
And then the whining DS, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly through the Education threads. And then the DP,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Reported to the Relationships thread. Then a DH,
Lurks in AIBU,
Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the sport's channel's mouth. And then the FIL,
In fair round belly with good Sunday roast lined,
Occasionally posting in the Family History topic,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slipper'd GFF,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side,
His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles as he is discussed in Elderly Parents. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans post, sans link, sans thread, sans everything.

GFF is an apparently random acronym for Great Grandfather, btw.

Yadbu, o gull, o dolt, as ignorant as dirt.
A fusty nut with no kernel

I do desire we may be better strangers.

Oooh, that was beautiful, BoffinBard.

O, that this too too solid post baby flesh would melt
Thaw and resolve itself in time for my holiday in a month!

5:2 or low carb?

Sonnet for Mumsnet

Let me not to the website of true minds
Admit impediments. MN is not MN
Which alters when it troll finds,
Or bends with the trigger finger to remove:
O no; it is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on bunfghts, and is never shaken;
It is the star to every posting bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although the piss be taken.
MN's not Justine's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within the bleating DM journalist come;
MN alters not with the brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no MNetter ever loved.

A beaker! A beaker! My penis for a beaker!

I could be bounded in a nutshell, and count myself the prince of infinite space, were it not that some bastard parked much too close. AIBU to scratch his door deliberately getting out?

Lackaday! We have been bowled over by the posts on this thread, you should all be very proud of your immense wit

We truly had a tough time choosing a winner, but in no particular order we've whittled it down to:

ErrolTheDragon

BoffinMum

KurriKurri

Huge congrats to all involved - winners, we'll be PMing you momentarily.

I am flabbergasted - thank you so much

Mewling and puking in his mother's arms - is something wrong with my pfb?

Bows, exits stage left.