Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Weddings

Chat to other Mumsnetters on our Wedding forum.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

Best man hates me, help?

146 replies

shattered25 · 28/04/2023 03:19

My partner wants his best friend to be best man obviously.

But he hates me, I've never met him but my partner chats to him and I've overheard him slagging me off constantly. From the moment my partner met me he's automatically saying awful things about me without even knowing me.

My partner must have disclosed my trauma to him at one point (I have PTSD) and he was taking the piss out of it, telling my partner I should just get over it by now and he should leave me and ignore me when I struggle with it :( (it was a serious sexual trauma with police involvement)

I'm dreading the speech what would you do?

OP posts:

Amabitnewhere · 29/04/2023 17:54

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/04/2023 04:24

This is very weird. You're in a relationship heading towards marriage but you've never met your fiancé's best friend who slags you off?

You are 1000% not ready to be married. Either of you.

THIS

Annemaria · 29/04/2023 17:56

If your fiancé behaves like this before you are married, what happens in a few years when the gloss wears off. It will take courage, but confront your fiancé and tell him to choose a new best man OR perhaps better, break off your engagement. There are plenty more fish in the sea.

Kit7 · 29/04/2023 18:30

Your fiancé sounds awful for allowing this. Dump him. Not sure how we could allow someone to slag off the love of his life.

fetchacloth · 29/04/2023 18:54

SquidwardBound · 28/04/2023 03:31

i think you need to ask yourself why your partner is talking shite about you to his friend.

Absolutely, I wouldn't tolerate this.

Trishthedish · 29/04/2023 19:15

Blimey you need to look for your self respect.

Kentucky83 · 29/04/2023 19:22

Your fiancé told a man you have never met before about your PTSD relating to serious sexual trauma? You're a fool for not calling the whole thing off there and then.
I know when you're in love it's easier said than done, and you convince yourself that things aren't that big a deal when they actually are, but you need rid of this man ASAP.

JenWillsiam · 29/04/2023 19:52

How has this gone from you meeting him and issues he won’t be invited to you calling the wedding off?! He was doing what you wanted.

tbh based on this post I can see why the friend has concerns.

2bazookas · 29/04/2023 19:52

The best man isn't the problem.

The problem is that you;re planning to marry and spend the rest of your life with a man who has no respect for you. With whom you share no real communication. He doesn't care if you get hurt.

Isn't this a repeat of a previous relationship, when you trusted the wrong guy?
Don't be one of those women who keep picking rotten apples and getting hurt over and over again.

Sillyname63 · 29/04/2023 19:53

He is jealous of your relationship plain and simple. Why haven't you ever met?
How long have you been together? Seems he has never introduced to best friend. Have you met any other friends or any of his family , what do they think of this best friend.?

Twinkle6 · 29/04/2023 20:14

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

pookie999 · 29/04/2023 20:23

CatNamedEaster · 28/04/2023 03:38

I can't think of any reasonable explanation for this friend's behaviour unless he is gay and is in love with your partner, or has some connection to your trauma (eg a friend/relation of his was involved) and he's scared of your partner finding out. Failing that, he could just be an arsehole.

But actually, it would be more important to find out why your partner tolerates his friend talking about you like that. I would struggle to be with someone who wants to be friends with someone like that.

So being gay makes you a nasty piece of work. What is wrong with you. Homomphobic and you should be ashamed

Laisydaisy · 29/04/2023 20:51

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Laisydaisy · 29/04/2023 20:56

Sorry! Please ignore my ‘THIS’. I attached it to the wrong comment 🙄
I wanted to agree with the comment that said it seems your conversations with you DP have gone well. Surely that means something? Is there another issue that is making you want to call it off?
You have a child with your DP and being married give you a security legally and financially that you might not have otherwise. Or would it be a concern in that regard?

Gemcat1 · 29/04/2023 21:26

Why have you not met his best friend? Why is he allowing him to speak about you in those terms without defending you? I would be very careful about a long term relationship with a man who does not respect you enough to stand up for you and to allow anyone to speak about you in that way. You need to have a conversation with him preferably with a counsellor. Perhaps you should rethink your choices maybe discussing your feelings with Women's Aid and Rape Crisis. You are better than him and deserve better than him. Believe in yourself.

CatNamedEaster · 29/04/2023 21:51

@pookie999 no I'm not. If the friend of her partner was female I would have suggested the same (that she was in love with the partner so was acting like a twat out of jealousy). So nothing whatsover to do with sexuality.

At the time I wrote it I didn't particularly think it anyway, I was just musing over whether there was any scenario that would explain (not excuse though) anyone being so awful other than them just being a totally shitty person.

I'm sorry if it came across otherwise. It certainly wasn't meant how you have read it.

CovertImage · 29/04/2023 22:07

Namethischange · 28/04/2023 08:10

You're way over the top here.

Show quote history

She's either pissed or 13

TheFormidableMrsC · 29/04/2023 23:14

Don't have a shit best man. My ex BIL was offended when my now ex-h asked his best friend to be best man so we were put in the awkward position of having to withdraw that request. BIL hated me. I've no idea why to this day. His speech was awful and offensive towards me. It was 30 years ago but my Alzheimer's affected Dad has never forgotten how vile he was. Please make sure you don't let this happen to you. You don't have to put up with this shite.

adamski99 · 29/04/2023 23:15

I am a DH. If my best friend had said such things about my wife I would tell him to go F... himself. This is nonsense for me and your DH isnt stepping up. You need to discuss this with him and dont take any nonsense as the Best Man is not being a gentleman in any way.

MattTebbuttsDenimShirt · 29/04/2023 23:18

Is your real name Brontë?

Where is your self respect? You haven't even met this man that's slagging you off, on your husband to he's say so.

Just jack it all in and walk away.

T1Dmama · 29/04/2023 23:58

I’d be more worried about the fact you’re marrying a man who doesn’t stand up
for you and is friends with someone who thinks sexual trauma is nothing!
I wouldn’t want to be in this relationship I don’t think

Macieb · 30/04/2023 12:21

SquidwardBound · 28/04/2023 03:41

The friend isn’t the issue. It’s the man who apparently loves the OP but who has shared very personal information about her with his friend and is happy to listen to that friend bitch about it.

Don’t marry a man who shows such contempt for you.

This!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6