Best man hates me, help?

[shattered25]

My partner wants his best friend to be best man obviously.

But he hates me, I've never met him but my partner chats to him and I've overheard him slagging me off constantly. From the moment my partner met me he's automatically saying awful things about me without even knowing me.

My partner must have disclosed my trauma to him at one point (I have PTSD) and he was taking the piss out of it, telling my partner I should just get over it by now and he should leave me and ignore me when I struggle with it :( (it was a serious sexual trauma with police involvement)

I'm dreading the speech what would you do?

But ultimately if I meet him and he's still an arse he won't be invited.

I know my partner has flaws, as do I. But the reason I vouch for him is I know I can talk to him openly on any issues with his behaviour and he will change and better himself. From when I first met him he is completely different now. (Not in a control him change him way, but more responsible, thoughtful) to find someone who can admit faults and actively remedy it for it to not happen again is a very promising trait x

The best friend thing is irrelevant.

What you need to worry about is your oversharing, no filter, fiancee.

I am saying this because I married one of these, who also "bantered" with his best friend. I got stuck for decades, the divorce is a nightmare, and I ended up with CPTSD as a result of the abuse.

If you can postpone the wedding, please do.

Wtf have I just read 📚 😐? !!!!

On so many levels this is totally Wrong Wrong Wrong😡😠😠😠

Totally Unacceptable on so many Levels😤

I am steaming Raging on your Behalf @shattered25

Seriously Think about this @shattered25

Just the very Fact your so called Partner who you wish to marry has divulged (confinded) to his extremely Shitty 💩💩💩💩💩Best friend, that you experienced a horrific sexual Assult which is extremely Traumatic!!!!

Shows the Total lack of Love ❤️ and Respect and Contempt your Patner has for you...@shattered25
Is Staggering so Obvious

I am 💯 per cent Certain that Your extremly sick Sick Twisted joke of Partner does not love you at All..!!!

Then you Add in This Horrific Train Crash Toxic Mix >
That your Soon to be Husband's Best friend feels so Cormfortable at Ease That He openly slates /Slags you off, in front of whom is soposed to be his love of his life,

That's obviously You

Tells me all I need to know !!!!

@shattered25

Your Partner is Using you in some Sick Twisted Sadistic way. 💯 per Cent .!!@shattered25

My Advice is that your Husbands Best friend is your least of your worries.!!!!

You Need to Ditch your Arsehole of a sick Twisted Joke of a Partner

Your Partner has Some Serious Extremely Heavy Duty Psychologically damaged and Broken and Twisted That No Amount of Therapy to heal the Mind on Planet Earth, could ever Heal...

This is like reading or viewing of a Netfix or Cimema Screen of insight of Sick Twisted Psychologically Twisted Warped Mind of a Pschiopathic /Schiopathic mindset !!!

Yes, we did invite him. I know many wouldn’t have but for me it was the ‘less drama’ option. It was perfectly clear that he didn’t have a ‘role’ but without making a big deal. In the event he skipped the ceremony, turned up and ate his meal then left without saying a word. Sad he chose to be like that, but I found distancing myself from any silliness was the best option (for me).

I don't really think the friend is the problem here. I hated my friends long term boyfriend before I met him. Because she told me what he was like. Your partner is making him dislike you. He is the problem

He can overshare his own stuff if he likes, but he has no right to share yours with anyone unless you give him permission.

@shattered25
I really urgently strongly suggest

To from now on be your own Best friend !!!

For some time Do not be in a Relationship, until you have done enough Therapy on yourself, !!!
to see why you acctracted, to such a Horror Nightmare Twisted Sick Train Wreck, of a Partner as This Shit show of one , you have got Now...!!

Imagine @shattered25
If your best friend whoever that is, Told you this about her life, currently,

What on 🌎 earth, would you tell her ,???!!!

Don't walk

Run ,
like you are training to compete in Next Times World Olympics Games, Wherever and Whenever that Is..!!!

This Shit show of a Arsehole Partner and equally 💩💩💩💩 Shitty Best friends,
Have so many Massive Red Flags ,

It reminsant of Russia and China 🇨🇳 and Any other Communist leanings organisations put Together. !!!!!

I can't just believe what I have read just then, !!!!

Why does the friend know about your trauma in the first place?

More importantly what does your partner say when he says things about you?

I smell a rat.

How can you hate someone you have never met?

I really really advise against marrying this man. He isnt being loyal to you, he isnt defending you, he is friends with someone nasty which says a lot about his character. You can do better.

Make sure the best friend doesn’t get involved in organising the stag do. A ‘family friend’ of my DH’s who has never liked me had a big part in arranging the stag do and they ended up going to a strip club and paying for him to have a private dance.

Is this a windup?

If not, WHY are you marrying a man who allows his bf to slag you off?

Run. Run for the hills.

I know my partner has flaws

an epic, huge, enormous, massive…. UNDERSTATEMENT

Why dowdy our fiancé allow him to speak about you this way?

It does likely stem from jealousy. Jealousy at losing his friend to his firmed settling down.

Men like this will try to encourage your soon-to-be-husband to throw a hand grenade into your relationship. Especially on the stag do. How your partner wolll react to that (not great so far…) is what you need to consider.

You're way over the top here.

You don’t have a DP’s friend problem, you have a DP problem.

There is a reason why this friend feels so comfortable talking this way about you to your DP.

Most people would have shut the conversation down straight away and told them not to speak about their partner like that when it’s not true but this is a regular thing?!

Your DP has obviously been talking negatively about you which is why this friend doesn’t like you.

I would genuinely call the wedding off if the person I was going to marry thought it was OK to have him at the wedding. I don't say that lightly.

This. I don't tolerate sexist pricks and I don't tolerate misogyny dressed up as 'banter'. Disabilities don't make you into a dickhead. It just means you're a dickhead who happens to have a disability.

How come you've never met your partners best friend? It's almost like saying you've never met his family!

Why haven’t you met him? I would definitely be wanting to meet the whole wedding party before the wedding.

This is wrong on so many levels.

Please don't allow this man to your wedding. If you are even considering it, you should be asking yourself some really huge questions about your own boundaries and where you have set your bar in life generally.

Mainly because I work and his friend doesn't, as he lives far away it would be a case of us travelling to his. While I was pregnant I spent it in hospital as I was very poorly and it was high risk. Then with a child spending free time lugging them on a long distance journey wasn't particularly pleasant thought, esp when I'm not overly enthralled with the chap 😂

Why would you be marrying someone who tells sensitive information to someone who hates you, and remains friends with them when they slag you off? I don't get it.

I'll be honest, I think you should really think twice about marrying him, he does not seem like a very nice person. When a truly loves a woman he will turn his back on his best friend if he puts her down, as the song lyrics go. That he even allows his friend more than once, the chance to talk about you like that is incredibly disrespectful. No real man would ever accept that and would put a stop to it then and there. His mate mocking your trauma is absolutely beyond disgusting. There are several issues. Your fiance thinking it's ok to break your confidence and boundaries by sharing your personal information. His friend running you down though he's never even met you and you've done nothing to him. Your fiance tolerating it, and it's clearly happened more than once, and not cutting him off as a friend.

Your fiance has no respect for your privacy, does not have your back, and allows his best friend to run you down, still talks to him, and wants him to be Best Man at his wedding to you that his own friend doesn't approve of. It's all a mess and I would run.

This vile, hateful best friend will be in your lives permanently. Can you honestly commit to a man that has no respect for your privacy and your boundaries, and has such bad taste in friends that the vile hateful specimen is the type of friend he's attracted to? Both your fiance and his best friend should marry each other, they sound well-suited, to be honest. Seriously, really consider whether you want to be tied to this type of man.

Your fiancé is the issue.
How dare he tell people your private business and how can he be friends with such an awful man