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Original poster

Best man hates me, help?

146 replies

shattered25 · 28/04/2023 03:19

My partner wants his best friend to be best man obviously.

But he hates me, I've never met him but my partner chats to him and I've overheard him slagging me off constantly. From the moment my partner met me he's automatically saying awful things about me without even knowing me.

My partner must have disclosed my trauma to him at one point (I have PTSD) and he was taking the piss out of it, telling my partner I should just get over it by now and he should leave me and ignore me when I struggle with it :( (it was a serious sexual trauma with police involvement)

I'm dreading the speech what would you do?

OP posts:
Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 28/04/2023 03:20

Why on earth is your fiance friends with someone who mocks you???

He sounds awful.

Silverrocks · 28/04/2023 03:22

Erm why does he tolerate his friend talking about you like this? Why would he think it appropriate to have him anywhere near the wedding? Does your partner not have any respect for you?

SquidwardBound · 28/04/2023 03:31

i think you need to ask yourself why your partner is talking shite about you to his friend.

SargentSagittarius · 28/04/2023 03:35

Wow. So many questions…..

Why is your DH-2-be friends with this person, why does he tolerate him saying such awful things about to you, how have you been able to overhear these thing, and what did your soon-to-be DH say when you told him what you’d overheard?

CatNamedEaster · 28/04/2023 03:38

I can't think of any reasonable explanation for this friend's behaviour unless he is gay and is in love with your partner, or has some connection to your trauma (eg a friend/relation of his was involved) and he's scared of your partner finding out. Failing that, he could just be an arsehole.

But actually, it would be more important to find out why your partner tolerates his friend talking about you like that. I would struggle to be with someone who wants to be friends with someone like that.

SquidwardBound · 28/04/2023 03:41

The friend isn’t the issue. It’s the man who apparently loves the OP but who has shared very personal information about her with his friend and is happy to listen to that friend bitch about it.

Don’t marry a man who shows such contempt for you.

blahblahblah1654 · 28/04/2023 03:43

Your fiancé and his friend are horrible people.

Downunderduchess · 28/04/2023 03:53

Why have you never met your partners best mate? How long have you been together?

AliceOlive · 28/04/2023 04:06

Jeez, just run. No good man would let a friend trash his future wife.

MissTrip82 · 28/04/2023 04:08

Sounds like a standard misogynist. Your fiancée is fine with that, fine with his contempt for you, thinks it’s all acceptable.

Do not marry this man.

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/04/2023 04:24

This is very weird. You're in a relationship heading towards marriage but you've never met your fiancé's best friend who slags you off?

You are 1000% not ready to be married. Either of you.

daretodenim · 28/04/2023 04:25

Turn it around.

Your fiancé was sexually abused as a child. You tell your best friend. She jokes about it. Says you should leave him because he's got PTSD. Jokes more.

Would you think that's ok? Or would you distance yourself from someone who jokes about the extreme pain of someone you love deeply?

Your fiancé at the very least doesn't have your back. It's truly appalling.

Awoooga · 28/04/2023 04:27

Sorry OP but why are you marrying this guy? He tells your business to someone you’ve never even met, listens to you get slagged off by this person but still calls them a best friend, then invites him to be a big part of what is meant to be the best day of your life…

Denise82 · 28/04/2023 04:31

The speech is the least of your worries (but yes it will ruin your day of this marriage goes ahead)

WB205020 · 28/04/2023 04:32

@daretodenim
i really could not put this better myself.
@shattered25 Your fiancé is a horrible person and I urge you to reconsider your plans. I fear you won’t however and that makes this whole situation even sadder.

PerryMenno · 28/04/2023 04:43

This is just bizarre.

AbsoIutelyLovely · 28/04/2023 04:45

Dump the boyfriend

WandaWonder · 28/04/2023 04:46

Does this not tell you something about your partner?

Tangelablue · 28/04/2023 05:01

I wouldn't go through with it.

user1492757084 · 28/04/2023 05:14

Do not marry this insensitive, disrespectful man.
Call it off. You know that your man doesn't have your back and you are not even married.

Why do you want to get married?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 28/04/2023 05:25

I wouldn't be marrying this man he clearly doesn't have your back. He should be getting a grip of the prick and perhaps he should be marrying him instead.

IncompleteSenten · 28/04/2023 05:51

What would I do?
I would not marry someone who shared my personal information and who didn't give a shit what his friend said about me and just listened to it.
The fact that his friend treats you with contempt and your fiancé still even wants him as best man would be enough for me to say look, you are not someone I can trust to have my back. We can't be together.

Suggest he marries his pal instead.

Pseudonamed · 28/04/2023 05:54

I would be livid if my OH told his friends something so personal about my life but for his friend to then take the mick too? Get rid of him out of your life. Him and his scuzzy friend.

mickandrorty · 28/04/2023 05:54

what would i do? leave him! You seriously need to raise the bar, why on earth would you want to marry someone who listens to someone talk about you like that? he has no respect for you.

wrinkleintime · 28/04/2023 06:01

What would I do? Honestly? Not marry him.

I would be very upset if my fiance was friends with someone who treats me like this.