Best man hates me, help?

[shattered25]

My partner wants his best friend to be best man obviously.

But he hates me, I've never met him but my partner chats to him and I've overheard him slagging me off constantly. From the moment my partner met me he's automatically saying awful things about me without even knowing me.

My partner must have disclosed my trauma to him at one point (I have PTSD) and he was taking the piss out of it, telling my partner I should just get over it by now and he should leave me and ignore me when I struggle with it :( (it was a serious sexual trauma with police involvement)

I'm dreading the speech what would you do?

Bloody hell, calm down and step away from the emoji’s

Hang on, you are saying that you have realised you aren’t going to get married but WILL start a family with him?
Bad idea

I wouldn't marry someone who has toxic people in their life, who they then bring into my life. That's not loving of them, nor self-loving of you.

I wouldn't stay with someone who shared intensely private, traumatic details of my life with anyone else at all. That's a horrendous further violation.

I worry past trauma might be making this guy seem like a better prospect than he actually is. I think it's a really wise idea to step back and reconsider, OP.

Why Are you using Random Capital letters in your Sentences? No words you Have Written require BIG Letters

And tbh, your rant makes you look more unbalanced than any of those whose posts you have responded to.

Go and have a lie Down loVVie, you soubnd very feverish

And Disable your CapItals bUttoN

@Wonnle Perfect response!
I do too

The nail inthe coffin of one of my relationships was him letting his friends rip me to shreds. He was clearly enjoying it, which meant at some level he either felt the same or enjoyed inflicting pain. Someone who doesn’t back you isn’t your friend. See him for who he is now

This!

Tell him simply you're not having that fucker as best man, can you imagine the cringe of his speech? Sounds like your potential DH needs to grow up, its an important part of getting married, being a grown up. Any best friend that's happy to slag you off without even meeting you is a inmature worm anyway. I'd say this if the boot was on the other foot, a female friend who slagged him off without even meeting him, friends (grown up ones) are meant to be happy for their friends when they fall in love, unless there are red flags, but with your proposed best man, it sounds like a small boy whose losing his best friend to a woman, seen it many many times...

I would be most concerned that, as you have never met this person, he has formed his opinion of you based entirely on what your partner has told him about you.

What does that tell you about what your partner thinks of you, and how little respect he has for you? And being an oversharer is no excuse, because that just causes you to share what you think too widely. It doesn’t make you think other things and then share them, so you have to face the fact that the impression this friend has of you is based on what you partner has told him about you!

I would be calling off the whole relationship - I couldn’t live with someone who had no respect for me at all.

Oh by the Way Op@shattered25

Having ADH is No Excuse For Being A Total 100 per Cent

ARSEHOLE !!!!

Either too

Dump The 💩💩💩💩 Fuck Twit Shit Head !!!

Of A Partner

You are Way too Good for this Man !!!

He Knows IT Too

That's Why He Allows His Shit Head Low Life Best Friend To Talk Shit About you Behind your Back...!!!

Have you heard the old saying

Birds of a Feather 🪶 Flock Together !!!

Springs to mind

It essentially means Like minded people like to be around others who think the same way...

Your Partner sounds to me, he liked the idea of his best friend Cause they are very much same/Similar types of people

Arseholes Type of People 💩💩💩💩

Utter Scum Looow Life's of that type !!!

Your husband best friend sounds very much envious jealous of the fact he has met a potential life partner, who is way too good for him !!!

Or

He is Gay your Best friend of your husband and he is Seething jealous as fuck,
And
That he No Longer, as the potential option of the possibility of being his potential Gay Partner in any way,

I feel like I've missed something! I don't understand how you've reached this decision so abruptly, when the update before said your DP isn't going to make him his best man, he's successfully shut down the comments and that if you met face to face and it went badly, the friend wouldn't be invited to the wedding. That's a good outcome isn't it, so why suddenly call the whole thing off? Is there more of a back story here?

Blimey, do you normally get this manic over complete strangers?

@Inkpotlover I read out a post on here to him regarding him exposing my trauma to essentially a stranger to me. He just didn't see the issue and thought it's normal to discuss personal matters. So if I must constantly watch what I say for fear of it being repeated it was sort of the last blow 😭

Ah, I get it. I don't blame you. I wouldn't want to be with someone who used my trauma for bantz either. It's nasty. Are you okay? Do you have someone with you? How has he reacted to you calling the wedding off.

Hold on OP, don't do anything rash based on a MN thread. What position are you in financially? The protections of marriage are not to be sniffed at, given you already have a child with this guy.

Yep, this is posted earlier in the thread and it’s all you really need to know actually. Sorry, but it’s true.

And even if your dp has defended you to him in the past (sorry haven’t RTFT yet) it does not bode well that he would put you in such an uncomfortable situation on your wedding day.

If I had a best friend who hated my fiancée there’s no way I’d be asking her to be my bridesmaid.

I'm a Sahm until next year, as long as the vacancy is still there I have a job to go into. He is the higher earner though by a lot!

tell the best mate to fuck off

your DP can be friends with who he wants but that doesn’t mean he has to involve you in it.

Op. I’m sorry for your trauma 💐

@BitchFaceResting

The op @shattered25

Sounds a Lovely decent woman

Who is way too good for this type of man !

I am warning Op @shattered25

That she is Way too good and she deserves a lot better than any man who has Allows anybody to disrespect her like this, !

Whether it's male or female so called friend !

I have been the woman in relationships in which I have experienced extreme Psychological/ emotionally ect Abuse,

I wish someone had to told me how important self esteem is, before you enter into a relationship,

As you attract
Arseholes of All Types out there on Planet Earth 🌏

If you are emotionally your self esteem is, on the floor, like mine was,

It's so low at the time

It was at the bottom of multi storey high rise

Looow

Another words I am talking from experience @BitchFaceResting

It's obvious as day , that @shattered25 Cofindence is low
As if it was higher she would never put up with this kind of shit too

This why I mentioned Op@shattered25 needs to know why she puts up with crap from Anybody in potential life partner and anyone in this life..

This is why I mentioned Therepy,

What level of Tolerance level of Nasty behaviour/Attitudes are OK ,Acceptable in any Relationship like @shattered25 ???

I Say zero, Tolerance level for any Arseholes in any way in life,.!

And No I am not unbalanced at Total @BitchFaceResting

Considering All the shit I experienced from my horror shit show of my childhood of so called Care children's homes childhood of parents abandoned me and adoptive mother dying when I was young and other Nasty stuff that happened to me too,
That I wouldn't wish on my worse anybody. !

That I am seeking therapy to address

don't insult me ...

When you don't even know me at All...

Thanks...

It sounds like you have a strong relationship, and since he did tell his friend to knock it off things aren’t as bad as it seemed.

If this thread is causing you more stress you can ask for it to be deleted. We are a bunch of crows, who base our advice on our own experiences and what we’ve witnessed. You can take the bits that seem helpful and leave the rest.

💐

Stable door bolted… OP already has a child

@shattered25 you could just get married - small, no massive party etc - and you’d have some protection financially

I would put my foot down about this, your fiancé is being disloyal

he either wises up pronto or he can ftfo - he doesn’t get to tell personal details to people who don’t like you

This is a hiding to nothing

the more you post, the more I think you need to reevaluate your relationship

And what about housing? Do you rent? Own? Is it in his name or both of yours?

If you're planning on staying with him for now, you should marry him. Otherwise if you split, you will get nothing except the bare minimum of child support.

The one piece of advice I would give all women is"Never get involved with a fixer-upper."

Op, if he knows that you are posting on mumsnet, be careful because he will read what you are saying behind your back. At least name change before you post again.

I get the final straw thing. I posted on here for years and years, totally missing the obvious red flags which were being waved at me. My stbxh was very similar - adhd, "oversharer", put friends (himself) before me every time.

Really is that was was just an abusive bastard, and I just excused his appalling behaviour, over and over. Please don't waste your life like I did.

You have a partner problem. What a contemptuous prick 😡