Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Weddings

Chat to other Mumsnetters on our Wedding forum.

Original poster

Bridesmaids/guests leaving early

136 replies

Sarahc90 · 29/10/2022 17:05

Hi, I got married a few months ago and it was so lovely (uk wedding). We had 70 day guests and 30 more for the evening. We had 10 not show up for the evening do. I had 7 bridesmaids who all stayed at the venue the night of the wedding and night before the wedding. I got married at 12:30am and evening guests arrived around 6:30pm till 12am. So we had 90 guests in total.

At around 9pm I noticed a few guests saying by and leaving. Two were my close friends and their partners and a few older family members. Then two of my bridesmaids went up to their rooms with their partners about half 9 after the evening pizza food. I had another bridesmaid go up to her room with her partner at 10pm and then two more bridesmaids and partners leave by 11pm. Two of my bridesmaids stayed till 11:45 with their partners. We had around 60/70 guests at 10pm and about 40 at 11pm.
my husband didn’t notice as he was dancing and having fun with his friends but it was mostly my friends who left earlier. I know weddings are long days but feel a little bit disappointed by the ones who left early especially bridesmaids. Has this happened to anyone before and is it normal? Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
JubileeTrifle · 29/10/2022 20:50

If you aren’t interested in the disco/loud music. It gets really boring really fast. Just sat in a loud room often with people you don’t really know.
When I was young I probably would have been drunk and that carries you on. But as you get older, you have to either get taxis or make huge journeys the next day, just lose interest in these things.

lottiegarbanzo · 29/10/2022 20:50

Got married at 12.30am did you? That really is a long day 🤣

BCxx · 29/10/2022 20:51

I would 100% stay to the end of the night, whether I was enjoying myself or not! Yes it was a long day but they literally are doing a job for you that one day so they should have stayed, at least til 11 I would say! It should be them up dancing and getting everyone else to join in.

I didn’t really notice on my wedding night but at my hen do we did a day drinking thing. I didn’t want a big fuss and didn’t want people to have to pay for hotels etc so just asked for a day out and drinks. I expected the older people to leave early evening and then my group of friends would probably go out at night or at least stay out til midnight/1am. I was just starting to get into it and we were in a bar that turns into a club, when one of my friends announced we should probably start to head for the train home now. It seemed like this had already been a pre-arranged thing between them. My partner did a proper lads weekend away and I was home for midnight. I did just feel a bit like should it not have been me to say if I’d had enough and wanted to go home, especially when I hadn’t asked for them to pay for any big fancy weekend away 🤔 Felt like I couldn’t keep people there against their will though so just left

TheOrigRights · 29/10/2022 21:00

MissMaple82 · 29/10/2022 17:55

Because weddings are boring as hell.. its a big deal to you, but not that much of a big deal to others! They stayed all day and most of the night, stop being a drama queen!

It's a shame you've not been to nice weddings.
I've never left early because I've been bored, more likely because of childcare.

TheOrigRights · 29/10/2022 21:03

I wonder if it's a case of each of them thinking "ooh we'll sneak off and make the most of the lovely room" not releasing others were doing the same.
A bit like when people cancel at the last minute thinking one person won't make a difference, yet when they're one of 10 cancelling it does have an impact.

I would have stayed OP - love a good old disco!

Weeboo · 29/10/2022 21:11

What kind of music was it? Was it super loud?

We recently left a wedding at about 9pm because the music was Ibiza style monotonous dance crap, and there was absolutely nowhere to go to escape it other than outside behind the building (sports club hall type thing).

The bridal party are really into that kind of music but most of the 70 odd guests were not and there was a lot of talk about when we could leave without being too rude.

It was so loud with so much bass that I felt sick and like my heart was going to explode (and I'm an ex-goth that went to metal gigs).

I think some types/volumes of music really do make people want to leave.

TTCBBY3 · 29/10/2022 21:19

I know you've asked if you're overreacting, the majority of people are saying yes but you don't seem to want to accept it.

Unfortunately I have to agree with most others and say yes, in my view you're overreacting. I couldn't tell you when most people left my wedding, and I'd found out the week before that I was pregnant so I was sober. But who cares! It's not your place to police grown adults about when they can or can't go to bed. The bridesmaids had fulfilled their duties by then, why force them to stay up later than they need to? If they were having fun they'd have stayed. Don't be the person who forces people to have a good time for your own benefit, nobody likes those people.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 29/10/2022 21:21

Yes it was a long day but they literally are doing a job for you that one day

Oh my god. This is the mentality now, that bridesmaids are employees who are required to stay at their posts until the bride releases them??

What a distorted view of friendship and hospitality.

And one would think the groom is plenty of company for the bride. Why does she need a pack of people around her when she's supposedly starry-eyed over her brand-new husband?

FuckabethFuckor · 29/10/2022 21:23

DH and I are classic ‘hotfoot it out the door straight after the first dance’ people. We’re just not nighttime people.

I was always told it was rude to leave before the first dance but even mere seconds after that is fair game.

FuckabethFuckor · 29/10/2022 21:25

Bridesmaids’ job is done as soon as the ceremony is finished. Why do you think the tradition is for the best man to thank the bridesmaids in the speech? That’s them done.

DeliaTookATumble · 29/10/2022 21:28

You say you don’t want people to stay against their will, but also you’re upset they left when they were ready to leave. So you did want them their against their will.

I say this gently and kindly, let it go. Concentrate on how lovely it was to have friends and family celebrating you and your love.

And congratulations!

LubaLuca · 29/10/2022 21:37

I think they all put a fair stint in. They didn't have contracted hours, it was fine for them to leave when they'd had enough for whatever reason.

ChatterMonkey · 29/10/2022 21:43

Maybe your wedding reception was a bit boring...

Original poster
Sarahc90 · 29/10/2022 21:46

Haha thanks for that!

OP posts:
CrampMcBastard · 29/10/2022 21:48

If you didn’t notice it at the time, it’s probably worth reflecting on why it’s bothering you now.

OnABreeze · 29/10/2022 21:49

YANBU. I recently went to a wedding, had a 4month old baby so was very sleep deprived, got up at 6am to head to the wedding an hour away. I was a bridesmaid, wedding started at 1pm. Not sure why people think your wedding is early that's a standard sort of time for English wedding ceremonies.

As tired as I was at the wedding I wouldn't have dreamt of leaving the party before 11pm, especially as a bridesmaid. But you're asking MN a notorious place where people are miserable about weddings and partying to celebrate anybody other than themselves...

LubaLuca · 29/10/2022 21:49

Maybe it had is run its course/become a bit boring though, if it was petering out after the evening buffet. Was it live music or a disco? What kind of music? Was the seating comfortable?

whoareyouinviting · 29/10/2022 21:51

As a bridesmaid I'd gotten to bed about 10.30 or 11. I'd travelled a very long distance to be there and the day had been long and very full on catching up with a lot of people. I felt it best to sleep so that I had energy for the next day of seeing wedding attendees again. People just get tired and wouldn't you prefer they have a good night by going to bed when they want to?

blippi123 · 29/10/2022 22:02

A wedding is an unnecessarily long day, no wonder so many people buggered off

Yes, I hate fucking weddings

Timetochangetheoil · 29/10/2022 22:14

I get why you feel hurt, OP, although is there a reason it’s bothering you months later? Have you just had your photos back and it reminded you?

I lasted til about 3am at my wedding but could
go on no more (I was 7 months preggo tbf!) and a big crowd were still going strong. Woke up at 7am looked out the window and in broad daylight some of our guests were still partying (we had a silent disco and they were dancing around with headphones on - it was a hilarious sight to wake up to!) I guess it depends on your friends and what you’re in to, most of us got married mid to late twenties and out of our group we had a few little ones between us but had arranged overnight sitters and stayed late for each others’ weddings, enjoying an excuse to really be together, and have a good time. When I’ve been a bridesmaid I’ve always stayed to the end apart from one where the bride and groom were camping, I left at about 4am.

Weddings as just a guest I’ve tended to stay til midnight or when the venue shuts.

It amazes me so many people on here hate weddings, you don’t have to go to them and if you do go you can have a wonderful time seeing two people celebrate their love.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 29/10/2022 22:15

I don't hate weddings but I hate all the faff afterward. Would be happy to have one glass of champagne, congratulate the bride & groom, and then take off after the ceremony.

Instead of all that rental of venues and such, it's too bad there couldn't just be a wine and canapes reception somewhere handy to the ceremony and then the few who really want to party into the night can go to a nightclub or something.

Job done.

Travelbunny · 29/10/2022 22:24

A 12:30 wedding is fairly early. So guests Ava bridesmaids will be tired more early, especially with hair and makeup prep if you were up at 6:30.

burnoutbabe · 29/10/2022 22:30

My sisters was ace. 12 -6 so we all left after dinner, I went out with my parents /aunt for a pizza nearby but we all visible "relaxed" after a day of socialising.

I will do the same at mine, we cut off after 6 ish and if families want to carry on socialising, they can.

StrikeItMucky · 29/10/2022 23:52

YABU. From a bridesmaids PoV, weddings are exhausting. I was MoH for a good friend and had been with the bride and her young bridesmaids, since the evening before. The morning of the wedding was hectic, with getting the younger maids ready, helping them to dress and get their shoes on, making sure their hair remained neat. Making sure the flowers were kept watered and collected. Lacing up the brides dress properly etc, etc, etc. I barely had time to get myself ready and having my hair done by the booked hairdresser was a last minute thought, so was rushed and looked a bit naff. The ceremony went smoothly and I was relieved that part was over(I was so nervous). By 11:00pm, I was bored of the loud music and of sitting in a crowded room full of drunk strangers. I had no money on me so I couldn't even have a drink. I just wanted my bed. I went to say goodbye to the bride and groom and it didn't go down well. The groom was fine and thanked me for being there for my friend and helping out with everything but the bride was fuming with me for wanting to leave "so early", for not introducing myself to any of the guests and for not staying until the very end to fulfill my duties as MoH! We fell out over it and I was told, the one person she thought she could rely on had let her down on her big day and she wished she had never asked me, to be her MoH. She also told me some of the remarks made by a few of the guests, after I'd left. Which made me feel like a naughty child and a really shit friend.
At no point were my "duties" or what she expected of me on the day, discussed. Needless to say, we are no longer friends and I now realise I did nothing wrong and she was being completely unreasonable.

toomuchlaundry · 30/10/2022 00:10

This is why we didn’t have an evening do at our wedding, DH and I rarely stayed until the end at any wedding we were guests at

Swipe left for the next trending thread