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Original poster

Bridesmaids/guests leaving early

136 replies

Sarahc90 · 29/10/2022 17:05

Hi, I got married a few months ago and it was so lovely (uk wedding). We had 70 day guests and 30 more for the evening. We had 10 not show up for the evening do. I had 7 bridesmaids who all stayed at the venue the night of the wedding and night before the wedding. I got married at 12:30am and evening guests arrived around 6:30pm till 12am. So we had 90 guests in total.

At around 9pm I noticed a few guests saying by and leaving. Two were my close friends and their partners and a few older family members. Then two of my bridesmaids went up to their rooms with their partners about half 9 after the evening pizza food. I had another bridesmaid go up to her room with her partner at 10pm and then two more bridesmaids and partners leave by 11pm. Two of my bridesmaids stayed till 11:45 with their partners. We had around 60/70 guests at 10pm and about 40 at 11pm.
my husband didn’t notice as he was dancing and having fun with his friends but it was mostly my friends who left earlier. I know weddings are long days but feel a little bit disappointed by the ones who left early especially bridesmaids. Has this happened to anyone before and is it normal? Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 30/10/2022 00:14

@StrikeItMucky

Wow, what a horrible person she is! After you did all of that for her. And she didn't even stake you to any free drinks? Mind-boggling.

You know, originally, bridesmaids were a woman's closest friends and were the MOST honored guests, who merely stood with her in their nicest attire as she stepped up to take her vows.

They weren't unpaid lackeys expected to spend a fortune on various parties and purchases in the run-up to the wedding, nor expected to dress like matching chorus girls, nor assigned duties for moths ahead of the wedding and the day of. Once the ceremony was over and the bride's bouquet was handed back to her, their role was over and they were just high-ranking guests. Not servants.

How it ever morphed into the grotesque expectations that prevail today is beyond me.

Kite22 · 30/10/2022 00:21

I love weddings.
However, if you are having a party going on until midnight, then most folk wouldn't start the ceremony until later in the day.

Personally I am not clear why they needed to be up before dawn cracked. that would put me in a right mood for quite a long while, tbh. I am not a morning person. I mean, obviously I would try to do my best to conceal that, but I would be exhausted by the end of the day though.

RedToothBrush · 30/10/2022 00:27

Married at noon. So by 10pm you most likely have had 9 hours of drinking if you didn't have one before the ceremony. That's 9 hours of expense and alcohol yet you wanted people to pace themselves better so they could make it to midnight?

Are you having a laugh?

With the best will in the world and amazingly interesting guests who you want to talk thats unrealistic.

By 8 or 9pm people will have be shit faced and just thought 'the bride has loads of people here, she won't be bothered by me calling it a night, to go enjoy my lovely expensive hotel room' and promptly pass out.

Genuinely I'd struggle with that much partying and I'm sure even die hard parties would be feeling the pace at about 10pm.

StrikeItMucky · 30/10/2022 00:36

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune
I can't work out if you're being sarcastic or not 😬

Either way, I think the stress of the wedding brought out the worst in my friend and I think she was so focused on it being her special day and it all going to plan(understandably), she was blinkered to everyone else around her, including me.
I hate being the centre of attention and being watched, so I was really anxious(as I'm sure she was too), about walking down the aisle behind her. I found out later that some of the guests were disappointed at the fact I didn't have a great big smile on my face and said I looked miserable!
I wasn't miserable, I was just really nervous and focusing on one point in front of me 😳

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 30/10/2022 01:13

StrikeItMucky · 30/10/2022 00:36

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune
I can't work out if you're being sarcastic or not 😬

Either way, I think the stress of the wedding brought out the worst in my friend and I think she was so focused on it being her special day and it all going to plan(understandably), she was blinkered to everyone else around her, including me.
I hate being the centre of attention and being watched, so I was really anxious(as I'm sure she was too), about walking down the aisle behind her. I found out later that some of the guests were disappointed at the fact I didn't have a great big smile on my face and said I looked miserable!
I wasn't miserable, I was just really nervous and focusing on one point in front of me 😳

I'm not being sarcastic whatsoever.

As a hobby I collect and study etiquette books of the 20th (and late 19th) centuries. The bride's attendants were until about 1995 typically her closest and most honored friends/guests. They weren't treated as servants, party organizers, sources of gifts/financial gain or the other abominations that befall the bridesmaids of 2022.

When I was maid of honor for my sister I was gleefully informed by members of the extended family that I "sped down the aisle." Ugh. I hate having eyes upon me and her wedding was in a very large historic church. That stung.

kateandme · 30/10/2022 01:50

What has made you keep hold of this op?

anotherscroller · 30/10/2022 06:28

From a non-British perspective, this thread is absolutely mad 😝

GoodnightGentleBoris · 30/10/2022 06:44

I think you over reacted but I also think MN in general are total miseries about wedding who seem to want everyone else to have a basic ceremony then a slice of cake and go home but declare that their own wedding was the best wedding anyone has ever been to ever

AuntieMarys · 30/10/2022 07:31

We went to a family wedding at 11am... .left at 9pm. It was a LONG day.

Timetochangetheoil · 30/10/2022 07:31

GoodnightGentleBoris · 30/10/2022 06:44

I think you over reacted but I also think MN in general are total miseries about wedding who seem to want everyone else to have a basic ceremony then a slice of cake and go home but declare that their own wedding was the best wedding anyone has ever been to ever

Ha this is true!

Easterdaffsx · 04/11/2022 19:27

Fit throw reason we are getting married at 4pm
One meal
No photos
Lots amd lots of food and music
Bed at 11

The wedding is your day and as much as we'd like to think everyone will remember every minute it's long amd boring for many .

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