Bridesmaids/guests leaving early

[Sarahc90]

Hi, I got married a few months ago and it was so lovely (uk wedding). We had 70 day guests and 30 more for the evening. We had 10 not show up for the evening do. I had 7 bridesmaids who all stayed at the venue the night of the wedding and night before the wedding. I got married at 12:30am and evening guests arrived around 6:30pm till 12am. So we had 90 guests in total.

At around 9pm I noticed a few guests saying by and leaving. Two were my close friends and their partners and a few older family members. Then two of my bridesmaids went up to their rooms with their partners about half 9 after the evening pizza food. I had another bridesmaid go up to her room with her partner at 10pm and then two more bridesmaids and partners leave by 11pm. Two of my bridesmaids stayed till 11:45 with their partners. We had around 60/70 guests at 10pm and about 40 at 11pm.
my husband didn’t notice as he was dancing and having fun with his friends but it was mostly my friends who left earlier. I know weddings are long days but feel a little bit disappointed by the ones who left early especially bridesmaids. Has this happened to anyone before and is it normal? Am I overreacting?

It was a Saturday and none were at work the next day.

So they were up at 7am, had a full day of peopling and socialising with food and alcohol thrown into the mix, and you complain they had left by 9pm?? They were knackered and didn't have your added shots of adrenaline to keep going.

I know you said you paid for the room but at what time were they expected to vacate by morning , 8am?

I am really sorry . The early wedding and early start meant that your guests especially those up at the crack of Dawn were exhausted.

at the last wedding I went to I was exhausted by 7 and skunk off for a nap in my in laws’ room . Rejoined the party at 9…

Thank you. Only one other couple were at the same wedding as one was bridesmaid with me at our friends wedding and we both stayed till the end.

Yes we did from 5 till half 6.

YABU. I’d have left at 7.

Your wedding was 12 hours long. In addition to time getting ready in the morning. That us considerably longer than average. Can you think of any other social event that takes 12 hours??? I'm sure it was a lovely day but I don't think I would have made it past 9 either.

This.

I'm sorry but weddings are ridiculously long. Just because people wish you well doesn't mean they want to devote 3/4 of a precious weekend to your wedding (including having to lie in the next day to recover.)

You friends had devoted 15+ on that day alone, and I'm sure there were more obligations/tasks/expectations of them before the actual day of the wedding. How much more of peoples' lives is it necessary to consume?

Weddings were a lot more charming when they involved the ceremony, a couple hours of canapes and champagne, and then the happy couple excitedly departing alone for their honeymoon.

How much nicer to festively toast them as they run away to start their new life together, rather than sitting at some boring disco late in the evening, looking at one's watch and praying for it to be over. Which is what most guests are doing.

I guess it's a function of a) the couple has been living together for years so being alone together is no big deal and b) wanting to wring every drop out of the money they spent on the venue and food.

Truly wish couples would revert to doing ceremony followed by afternoon tea & cocktails (or something similar, receptionwise) and letting everyone be off to their own devices by 4 or 5 pm, spending the money saved on a nicer honeymoon for two.

If they weren’t tired, the alternative explanation is that it was a shit wedding. Sorry to be blunt but I’ve been to loads.

Seems fine, I think youre overreacting. I barely stayed awake at my own wedding until 11.30

I really wish evening did were just not required.

I enjoy a wedding, the ceremony plus meal after.

But a noisy disco shouting at people has never been by thing.

Be excellent if you could say "yes to first 2, but I'll leave after dinner" but it's considered rude. So I generally try and get to 9 and then duck out pleading a head ache.

Weddings are exhausting, however at my best friends wedding last year all the bridesmaids stayed until the end at midnight despite being up at 6am and at my sisters wedding we stayed until the end at 12 (including my 7 year old), so the being tired excuse is bullshit. However as it was a few months ago, why haven't you said anything to them about it? You either need to ask them or get over it unfortunately.

You didn't want them to stay against their will.

But you're also mad they did as they chose and went to their rooms.

Can't have both OP!

I put my husband to bed at 10:30pm on our wedding day and went back to finish partying!! Honestly get a grip 😂😂

You know, in the past 10+ years, we have taken to just accepting invitations to the ceremony and no one has (seemed to) take offense. It's nice to get dressed up, go to the church or registry, see people for a few minutes, enjoy the ceremony, congratulate the bride and groom and then head off for a meal out ourselves and be done with it.

Traditionally the bridge and groom would leave the wedding to go directly to their honeymoon, leaving the guests to wave them offf (just married cans on car etc) and continue celebrating (or not) with the families.

I understand why B&Gs now prefer to be part of the party, but if you're going to stay late you can't expect all your guests to stay with you.

It is awkward as a guest to leave before the b&g but personally, I think it's poor form of them not to leave at a decent hour or at least let guests know it's OK to leave. You certainly can't take umbrage at people who've been with you for 8 hours or more wanting to go to bed.

That is a REALLY long day for both bridesmaids and guests.

Did many people have to drive home? Sober at a wedding from 12:30-9pm is a bloody sterling effort.

And you haven’t mentioned children! Presumably plenty of your guests had left their DCs elsewhere for basically a full day.

Hang on.

What time did you get married? Just after midnight or lunchtime?

Bridesmaids are traditionally honored guests, not servants or ladies-in-waiting who have to stay by the bride's side until she dismisses them.

How late they can manage to stay at the disco is not a very good test of friendship. Nor is it bullshit to want to get some rest after a long day.

That’s an insanely long day. Were they all in high heels and hair up too? I’d have been longing for flat shoes and the sweet release of taking the Kirby grips out by about 7pm. The evening food coming out is usually the “it’s OK to go now” signal, isn’t it? It’s the last “thing” to witness/be there for. They’ve done prep, ceremony, pictures, dinner, first dance, cake, evening buffet. Time for bed.

Long day either way tbf.

And to still be dwelling on it after all this time isn't good for you. With the best will in the world, time to move on and enjoy this next chapter.

I think you just had an early ceremony so people probably were drinking and eating earlier than at other weddings so probably "peaked" earlier. If people had to arrive at 11.30/12 for the ceremony it would have been 12 hours if everyone stayed to the end.

Most 20th century etiquette books advise that it's not polite to leave before the bride and groom.

But: that was when the bride and groom had the sense to accept everyone's good wishes and then run upstairs, change clothes and dash through a shower of rice out to their waiting car, eager to be on their way with one another. Then the guests continued a while longer but everyone was free at the end of the afternoon cocktail hour.

Now it's like cobwebs could grow on the yawning guests before the bride and groom pry themselves away. Rather an anticlimax. No one can fault guests who've already devoted at least 12 hours to getting ready, transport, ceremony, the lag time, perhaps the meal and then the disco. For god's sake.

Yes, exactly this

Lunchtime