Bridesmaids/guests leaving early

[Sarahc90]

Hi, I got married a few months ago and it was so lovely (uk wedding). We had 70 day guests and 30 more for the evening. We had 10 not show up for the evening do. I had 7 bridesmaids who all stayed at the venue the night of the wedding and night before the wedding. I got married at 12:30am and evening guests arrived around 6:30pm till 12am. So we had 90 guests in total.

At around 9pm I noticed a few guests saying by and leaving. Two were my close friends and their partners and a few older family members. Then two of my bridesmaids went up to their rooms with their partners about half 9 after the evening pizza food. I had another bridesmaid go up to her room with her partner at 10pm and then two more bridesmaids and partners leave by 11pm. Two of my bridesmaids stayed till 11:45 with their partners. We had around 60/70 guests at 10pm and about 40 at 11pm.
my husband didn’t notice as he was dancing and having fun with his friends but it was mostly my friends who left earlier. I know weddings are long days but feel a little bit disappointed by the ones who left early especially bridesmaids. Has this happened to anyone before and is it normal? Am I overreacting?

Jesus why do you care? Such a long day and frankly you were lucky they lasted that long !!

No all my bridesmaids were staying at the venue and we had an early night the night before at like 9pm.

We went to a wedding recently. The ceremony was at 1pm and we had a 3 hour drive to get there (so got up at 7am, drove, got to Air BnB, changed, drove to venue etc). We left at about 9.30ish. We are friends of the brides parents so in our late 50s/early 60s. We had a lovely day but ran out of steam as did a lot of the couples younger friends I noticed.

It’s such a long day and anything more than a few hours is quite boring for a guest, to be blunt. It can be quite expensive also if you’re a guest and been buying drinks since lunchtime.

Did you pay for their rooms?
Were the drinks expensive?
Were a lot of people dancing?

15 hours of wedding! Bloody hell! You have all the stamina! I was flagging at 6pm and we didn't get married until 2pm!

There will be a reason and its probably one of the following or a combination of them all -

1- they were tired, you were basically expecting them to be there for 18 hours if their day started at 6.30am - thats far too early a start to still want to be dancing 18 hours later. My wedding started two hours later than yours, and some people left between 11-12 so I dont think those times are unreasonable.
2- they werent enjoying the reception- whether it was the band, food, venue, other guests, they might just not have had as good a time as you, which is fine
3- their rooms were expensive/ really nice/ maybe they dont get away overnight often and wanted some alone time as a couple on their rooms to enjoy it?
4- did they have a long drive, busy next day, plans for the rest of the weekend etc?
5- maybe the first one left and when they said they were going it put the idea in the others heads that they could also have a rest/ have some alone time?

My mum always said, as long as you are married and happy the day after the wedding, then nothing else really matters, so dont look for reasons to fall out with people, it literally doesnt matter at all.

Your lucky to have got 20 evening guests turn up. I have never attended a wedding as an evening guest as a wedding is about the ceremony to me. If I’m not good enough to be invited to that why would I waste my time and expense being a second thought. Evening invites are just rude.

You are massively ungrateful your friends have forked out time and money to be there. You got them up at 6.30 for a lunchtime wedding. I am really not surprised they went to bed. You do realise no one sees your wedding as a big deal in the way you do.

Sadly it doesn’t sound like a great wedding if you spent the evening making notes of everyone walking out. Why were you not dancing with your new husband enjoying the day.

Not unreasonable at all and so surprised by all the comments saying you are. I would expect bridesmaids to stay til the end! Doesn't matter if it's a long day. It's a wedding so you suck it up as it's once in a lifetime and special for the bride and groom. Sorry they all left and sorry for all the comments too.

I was dancing and tbh I didn’t really realise untill the next day when people mentioned that they went up to the rooms etc

I was 38 when I got married, I was dying to go to bed my 9.30, I was knackered! 😂

I went to bed at half ten and left everyone else to carry on with the party. I'm one of those people whose eyes start closing when I'm tired even if I try to stay awake.

Was it a very specific type of music? I must admit we left a wedding very early into the evening do last year because the music was so hideous.

Once in a lifetime… for the bride and groom. Special… for the bride and groom. Not for bridesmaids and guests. And surely if it’s so special and once in a lifetime for the bride and groom, a handful of guests and bridesmaids leaving after nine-11 hours of wedding shouldn’t spoil it?

But you said you did notice and the groom didnt. You do realise for many people weddings are a day of unending hell. Being a bridesmaid is probably worse. Just get over this- it was months ago.

Mmm hmm

Out of interest, why are you only bringing this up now?

You are being unreasonable. If all seven bridesmaids stayed two nights in the hotel, they made a big effort imo. They were probably very tired by 9pm on the wedding day. Your expectations are too high.

If you didn’t notice they were gone then I wouldn’t be worried about it, it obviously didn’t stop you having a good time.

Always surprised by the number of wedding haters on mumsnet, everyone I know loves a wedding (me included)! It’s also pretty standard for them to be early starts if everyone is getting their hair and makeup done. Early thirties isn’t too old I would expect most people to stay awake until 11!

Evening dos are rubbish. People should decline rather than no show but it’s a party not the wedding bit so it’s not surprising if people take it less seriously.

That’s a very early ceremony and an obscenely early start. I’d have been asleep on a table by 7pm.

Are you okay and is your marriage going well that you’re evening thinking about this?

If you didn't notice at the time why is it a big deal now? Sounds like you had a lovely time at your wedding. Let it go. Be happy.

Maybe it was such a lovely venue and they wanted to enjoy the great rooms!

If it's so special you'd think the in-love, starry-eyed couple would want to savor the evening alone together.

Bridesmaids aren't servants or ladies in waiting, they (theoretically) are honored guests, free to come and go as they please. They aren't a built-in audience for the bride's every move from dawn until midnight.

After just coming back from a wedding that started about the same time as yours, your guests were probably fed up and a little bored, I don’t understand early weddings, there’s so much waiting around for guests and I don’t think the bride and groom notice how boring it is hanging about in a drab hotel bar with expensive drinks. Who cares if your guests went home at 9 they had been there since 12.30 that’s over 8 hours!

Yanbu, I would expect all guests to stay until at least midnight unless under 10 or over 70!

I got married at 2pm as I hate the gap in weddings we also had entertainment all day. We had about 70 to the day and 90 to the night. I think 3 cancelled to the day (2 with good reason) and maybe 5 to the night but tbh we didn't ask for rsvp for night. Quite a lot of the older guests started leaving from about 9pm (including our parents) after about 11 I'd say there was about forty left a mix of friends, siblings and cousins . That was fine we had a great time.

I do Remember my first wedding we hired a coach for guests who weren't staying it arrived early (11pm) and the venue was booked till 1 am! There was literally about 10 of us left

Wondering whether you were a massive a bridezilla in the lead up to the wedding too!
I was a bridesmaid at my best friends wedding; we started hair and make up at 7am, she got married at 2pm, and by 9pm I was completely on my knees tired. I managed until 9.30pm and had to go home.
I was 11 weeks pregnant at the time but didn’t feel ready to share it yet pre-scan, and it felt like the most gruelling day ever to endure …..I know it was your wedding day and the most special day of your life but it sounds like you really have no idea (don’t care?) about what’s going on in other peoples lives that might make them beyond exhausted after a 15 hour day that revolved around you and your enjoyment.